H is getting into my head

lifeonthehill · January 2014

Last night H and I were talking about me being a SAHM. I would love to be one and he wants me to but would love a second income. I feel like we are doing well financially. After minimum payments and paying our bills we have about $2,000 to save or use towards debt. If I quit my job today our income would go from $36,500 to $30,000 a year. Contract meetings are tomorrow and we are expecting H to get a $5,000 raise but the minimum would be $2,000. During the school year our take home pay totals to be $2,784 and the months of Mach, June, July, and September we will take home $1,944.

We are on our parents insurance until next fall, we get free rent and utilities as well as free food 7 days a week except summer vacation and the month of March. Retirement is going to be funded once this raise for H comes. Loan debt will also be taken care of before we really start TTC.

Is he right do we not make enough for me to be a SAHM?

I have never posted our budget before here but here it is..

All SL minimums                                   $218.01
Car Ins.                                               $93.00
Phone bill                                              $140.00
Netflix                                                   $7.99
Food & Toiletries                                    $75.00
Eating out                                              $75.00
Cat needs                                              $52.00
Birth control                                           $20.00
H "Blow" $                                             $50.00
_________________________________________
Total                                                      $731

This got really long.

vlagrl29 · January 2014

You totally could be a SAHM. I'm sure it can take some time for a man to get use to the idea, but you could live only on his income to show him. With all the benefits that you get with free rent, utilities, etc. I don't know how you couldn't. Babies aren't really that expensive unless they have medical issues. DH and I were in agreement with me being a SAHM before I was pregnant with DD, but he was still worried when all the financial burden was put on him. 3 years have passed and it doesn't even phase him. I have since though taught part time lessons and play gigs because I prefer the 2nd income to put money towards our goals. When we do have a 2nd kiddo I won't take on new students and only teach the current kids I have until they graduate HS.

Xstatic3333 · January 2014

It seems to me that you could afford to be a SAHM; this may just be a lifestyle choice for you and DH. There are a few things I see missing from your budget-gas, clothes, blow money for you, etc. but it still seems like a lot of wiggle room.

I know you're in the serious pre-TTC planning phase-have you played around with a "baby budget" yet? Figured out insurance for three?Daycare costs if you did go back to work? Also, I know you guys are serious about debt payoff right now but are there other goals your H may want to pursue down the line, like travel or more saving/investing? It really seems like a decision between the two of you, but these are some of the things I'd consider.

hoffse · January 2014

You guys spend so little of your income that I do think being a SAHM would really work financially, particularly if your H stayed at this job which provides your other housing benefits.

I may be wrong in this, but I suspect the largest baby expense for families with a SAHM is typically health insurance. That is, unless you two are already on a family plan instead of single or single plus one coverage.

There are also things you can do like cloth diapering that cuts costs significantly (especially if your water bill is paid for by your H's employer). CD can be harder or even impossible to do if your kid is in daycare. I know that daycares in my state aren't permitted to CD, so H and I will end up spending 4 or 5 times as much on disposable diapers because that's what they will have to use at least half the time anyway. If you can breastfeed, that also cuts costs significantly, and you may not have to get one of those really ridiculous breast pumps - just a smaller travel one - if you are a SAHM and can be around your child most of the day for feedings. Those are almost always covered by insurance too.

Point is, I think PP is correct that babies don't have to be terribly expensive. By the time they start to get more expensive, your costs increase slowly and incomes go up with COL adjustments anyway. People always seem to forget that income continue to rise as costs also rise.

All that said, I agree with Xstatic that there are lifestyle choices that go along with this. H and I have talked about doing this as well - because we could JUST make it work on his (future) income with our debt, etc. But for us, losing my income would have such a massive impact on our cashflow that it would really affect our bottom line. I'm going to make more than H for at least the next 5 years. We've also talked about waiting until our debt is gone to start trying so that I can go part-time or become a SAHM for a few years. But that will also be another 5 years of waiting to try, and I'll be 32-33 by then. That just feels too late to us to start trying with our first. We do want to travel, pay off our debt early, buy a really nice "forever" home in the next 10 yrs or so, etc. So I will probably continue to work full-time because that would enable us to do all those things without stretching ourselves.

I suggest making a list of your goals and then seeing if they can be achieved on your H's income alone (even if it means delaying that trip to Europe by a year or two). Also practice living on a baby budget for awhile and just see what that's like. You might find it easier than you thought.

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2014

I agree with PP.It will be a lifestyle change, but it's totally doable. Two things I would look at, how much is the baby going to cost you. Find out your approximate hospital cost so you can have that saved up before you quit working. I would also take a look at your student loans, is it possible for you to have them paid off before you quit? That would add back $200 to your budget and maybe give your DH more of the wiggle room he is hoping for.

One thing to point discuss with your DH, is that depending upon how many hours you work, it honestly may not make sense for you to work if you had to pay for daycare. If your DH is afraid of losing your income, would if be possible for you to SAHM during the week when he's working, and pick up a shift or two at your current job, or another job over the weekend? That may end up being the best of both worlds, until your DH feels more comfortable with the loss of income.

I love being a SAHM, so of course I would always answer a question like this with yes, I believe it would be worth it. You seem really frugal to start with, but there are always ways to stretch that further. I love CVS because you can always get toothpaste and some of the other essentials for free, and diapers are cheaper there than anywhere else. If you want to PM me, feel free and I can explain what I do with couponing on diapers and other stuff there.

lifeonthehill · January 2014

Xstatic3333 said:

\There are a few things I see missing from your budget-gas, clothes, blow money for you, etc. but it still seems like a lot of wiggle room. I know you're in the serious pre-TTC planning phase-have you played around with a "baby budget" yet? Figured out insurance for three?Daycare costs if you did go back to work? Also, I know you guys are serious about debt payoff right now but are there other goals your H may want to pursue down the line, like travel or more saving/investing? It really seems like a decision between the two of you, but these are some of the things I'd consider.

Thank you for the questions. I really want to make sure I am thinking of everything.

We don't drive. The car is for trips we take very rarely. It comes out of our individual blow money. I didn't put in my blow money for this month becasue I know I wont use it. Clothes are a non issue until spring time comes and even then we both may need 50 each to get two or three things.

We are waiting to meet with HR until after his contract meeting. We will get a good idea on a the price of health insurance. The price goes up $5 a month to add each child when it comes to that.
There is only one daycare option and it would unfortunately eat up almost all of my paycheck. It just doesn't seem worth it if we don't need that extra few bucks.

We have made a baby bucket list. He adds and subtracts from it debating what would be best. Right now he wants a golf membership for the summer of 2015 summer and new clubs.

I am going to look more into a baby budget and see if we can apply that to our thinking and just use the money for savings/debt as well.

lifeonthehill · January 2014

Vikingsfan 71713 said:

I agree with PP.It will be a lifestyle change, but it's totally doable. Two things I would look at, how much is the baby going to cost you. Find out your approximate hospital cost so you can have that saved up before you quit working. I would also take a look at your student loans, is it possible for you to have them paid off before you quit? That would add back $200 to your budget and maybe give your DH more of the wiggle room he is hoping for.

One thing to point discuss with your DH, is that depending upon how many hours you work, it honestly may not make sense for you to work if you had to pay for daycare. If your DH is afraid of losing your income, would if be possible for you to SAHM during the week when he's working, and pick up a shift or two at your current job, or another job over the weekend? That may end up being the best of both worlds, until your DH feels more comfortable with the loss of income.

I love being a SAHM, so of course I would always answer a question like this with yes, I believe it would be worth it. You seem really frugal to start with, but there are always ways to stretch that further. I love CVS because you can always get toothpaste and some of the other essentials for free, and diapers are cheaper there than anywhere else. If you want to PM me, feel free and I can explain what I do with couponing on diapers and other stuff there.

Our loans will be paid of by next winter! I think he is stuck on our current budget and not considering how much will be freed up for other things when we aren't throwing most of our money to loans and our "6 months living expenses."

It doesn't make sense for me to work my current job. I make less than $1000 more a year than we need for daycare. I could however get back into the old job I had that was nights and weekends if we need it. That is really something to consider. Even if I only worked one 8 hour shift a weekend that is something. I hadn't really thought about going back. Thank you!

Erikan73 · January 2014

Also you don't have any medical expense on it, once you go on your own insurance, will everything be covered 100% of will you have a deductible or co-pay? A baby has to go in on a regular basis for check ups. Also add clothing. Once you are with baby you will need clothes as you get bigger & you have to prepared that you might not get back into pre-baby clothes immediately after you the baby. Can it be done? Yes. But here is my recommendation. For the next 1-2 months track EVERY thing you spend money on and I mean everything. You will discover how fast things add up and things you didn't account for. Then put your whole paycheck for that time frame in a seperate account where you can't touch it. Then look back and re-evaluate your expenses to determine what they really were, are there areas you can improve on & where you ok without your paycheck. If you are, keep putting your imcome away each month until you do have a baby, it will help give you a nice savings in case at some point down the road you need to buy a house & start paying for your own food.

maple2 · January 2014

Honestly, no one this board can tell you whether you can afford to be a SAHM. Like pps have said, it is all about the lifestyle you and DH want for yourselves and your children and how much that costs relative to how much each of you makes. You need to talk it through together and get a better understanding of what his concerns are about losing your income. Have a frank discussion about your financial priorities now and into the future and see whether you can accomplish them under different income scenarios. It seems like you could easily fit baby expenses into your current monthly budget, but what are your goals with respect to retirement and paying for college? Will you be able to contribute the amount you want to those things too? Do you guys want to be able to travel or do other things that cost more than you usually spend in a month?

cbee817 · January 2014

maple2 said:

Honestly, no one this board can tell you whether you can afford to be a SAHM. Like pps have said, it is all about the lifestyle you and DH want for yourselves and your children and how much that costs relative to how much each of you makes. You need to talk it through together and get a better understanding of what his concerns are about losing your income. Have a frank discussion about your financial priorities now and into the future and see whether you can accomplish them under different income scenarios. It seems like you could easily fit baby expenses into your current monthly budget, but what are your goals with respect to retirement and paying for college? Will you be able to contribute the amount you want to those things too? Do you guys want to be able to travel or do other things that cost more than you usually spend in a month?

All of this- also based on your ticker, it seems like you have about 2 years minimum to figure all of this out. If you really want to SAH, put your income aside and use your DH's income as if you were already at home. Are you planning on BFing, cloth diapering, making your own baby food? Those can help somewhat with costs with cloth diapering being an investment at first. Do you have family and friends that would give you hand-me-downs? Right now, our biggest expense is day care at $1,700/month. Diapers for DD#2 and clothes (mostly for DD#1- DD#2 uses quite a bit of DD#1's old clothes) come next, but that isn't bad at all. Once they're out of day care, we'll feel like millionaires! SAH is a great opportunity- most people can't do it, so if you and your DH work through everything and feel comfortable, go for it. GL!

brij2006 · January 2014

maple2 said:

Honestly, no one this board can tell you whether you can afford to be a SAHM. Like pps have said, it is all about the lifestyle you and DH want for yourselves and your children and how much that costs relative to how much each of you makes. You need to talk it through together and get a better understanding of what his concerns are about losing your income. Have a frank discussion about your financial priorities now and into the future and see whether you can accomplish them under different income scenarios. It seems like you could easily fit baby expenses into your current monthly budget, but what are your goals with respect to retirement and paying for college? Will you be able to contribute the amount you want to those things too? Do you guys want to be able to travel or do other things that cost more than you usually spend in a month?

I agree with this. Yes, you could SAH. There's no doubt about that, and your budget shows it. However, there are a lot of items missing in here. Are you truly going to stay inside all the time and do nothing with your child? What about any classes, playdates, datenight, mommy dates, traveling with your child, money put aside for college, etc.

I'm right there with you and we've put together the budget for if I were to choose to SAH. We could make it work, but is it the lifestyle we want to give our child? Not necessarily, and we know that we wouldn't be able to do the things we really want to with our kids if we didn't have that second income.

The math may work out, but think of the logistics of it too.

JuneMrs · January 2014

Just a thought you may want to consider part time instead of leaving the workforce right off the bat. You may find that it is a way to take a step towards being home rather than walking away from work completely. Only you can decide though and only you can determine if you are willing to live on a one income budget.

lifeonthehill · January 2014

Erikan73 said:

Also you don't have any medical expense on it, once you go on your own insurance, will everything be covered 100% of will you have a deductible or co-pay? A baby has to go in on a regular basis for check ups. Also add clothing. Once you are with baby you will need clothes as you get bigger & you have to prepared that you might not get back into pre-baby clothes immediately after you the baby. Can it be done? Yes. But here is my recommendation. For the next 1-2 months track EVERY thing you spend money on and I mean everything. You will discover how fast things add up and things you didn't account for. Then put your whole paycheck for that time frame in a seperate account where you can't touch it. Then look back and re-evaluate your expenses to determine what they really were, are there areas you can improve on & where you ok without your paycheck. If you are, keep putting your imcome away each month until you do have a baby, it will help give you a nice savings in case at some point down the road you need to buy a house & start paying for your own food.

We haven't been able to factor in anyting ins. based becasue we haven't had that meeting yet. Also I am proud to say we do NOT spend a penny that is not in the budget. I track everything to make sure we stay on task and we have been successful. Putting away my entire paycheck is a great idea but right now every extra penny goes to saving up our 10 month e fund and then back to snowballing debt. Right now we use about 75% of our paychecks towards our goals.

lifeonthehill · January 2014

brij2006 said:

I agree with this. Yes, you could SAH. There's no doubt about that, and your budget shows it. However, there are a lot of items missing in here. Are you truly going to stay inside all the time and do nothing with your child? What about any classes, playdates, datenight, mommy dates, traveling with your child, money put aside for college, etc.
I'm right there with you and we've put together the budget for if I were to choose to SAH. We could make it work, but is it the lifestyle we want to give our child? Not necessarily, and we know that we wouldn't be able to do the things we really want to with our kids if we didn't have that second income.
The math may work out, but think of the logistics of it too.

I haven't made a baby budget yet. That is next on my to do list.

You do bring up a good point. I know that we would be somewhat restricted while our child was young but I would only intend to be a SAHM while they weren't in school which is only 4 or 5 years. Unfortunately my work wouldn't make us enough extra money to really accomplish much beyond daycare.

Xstatic3333 · January 2014

alyssa32713 said:

Erikan73 said:

Also you don't have any medical expense on it, once you go on your own insurance, will everything be covered 100% of will you have a deductible or co-pay? A baby has to go in on a regular basis for check ups. Also add clothing. Once you are with baby you will need clothes as you get bigger & you have to prepared that you might not get back into pre-baby clothes immediately after you the baby. Can it be done? Yes. But here is my recommendation. For the next 1-2 months track EVERY thing you spend money on and I mean everything. You will discover how fast things add up and things you didn't account for. Then put your whole paycheck for that time frame in a seperate account where you can't touch it. Then look back and re-evaluate your expenses to determine what they really were, are there areas you can improve on & where you ok without your paycheck. If you are, keep putting your imcome away each month until you do have a baby, it will help give you a nice savings in case at some point down the road you need to buy a house & start paying for your own food.

We haven't been able to factor in anyting ins. based becasue we haven't had that meeting yet. Also I am proud to say we do NOT spend a penny that is not in the budget. I track everything to make sure we stay on task and we have been successful. Putting away my entire paycheck is a great idea but right now every extra penny goes to saving up our 10 month e fund and then back to snowballing debt. Right now we use about 75% of our paychecks towards our goals.

I think snowballing debt with it counts as putting it away

Sounds to me like your most MM options are working nights/weekends or being a full SAHM. I think a lot of guys are hesitant about their wives staying home for some reason, but that often changes once the LO is really on the way.

lifeonthehill · January 2014

Xstatic3333 said:

I think snowballing debt with it counts as putting it away Sounds to me like your most MM options are working nights/weekends or being a full SAHM. I think a lot of guys are hesitant about their wives staying home for some reason, but that often changes once the LO is really on the way.

I think so too! Haha.

I think he will be the same. He already says he want me to stay home for our kids but then he thinks about the money and gets all spooked. Working on a baby budget should help him out.

vlagrl29 · January 2014

alyssa32713 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

I think snowballing debt with it counts as putting it away Sounds to me like your most MM options are working nights/weekends or being a full SAHM. I think a lot of guys are hesitant about their wives staying home for some reason, but that often changes once the LO is really on the way.

I think so too! Haha.

I think he will be the same. He already says he want me to stay home for our kids but then he thinks about the money and gets all spooked. Working on a baby budget should help him out.

Having it all out on paper will probably help him, if he is anything like me. It's not like you couldn't go back to work if need be. Also, the activities you can do with your LO can be cheap as well. We go to the story time every week, indoor/outdoor playgrounds, exhibits for kids at the downtown mall....all that is free! When you have a baby though, you really don't do much because he/she is not mobile and just lays around most of the time. When DD was a baby we would go on walks and cruise the mall. That was pretty much it.

CuriousKiddosMama · February 2014

alyssa32713 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

I think snowballing debt with it counts as putting it away Sounds to me like your most MM options are working nights/weekends or being a full SAHM. I think a lot of guys are hesitant about their wives staying home for some reason, but that often changes once the LO is really on the way.

I think so too! Haha.

I think he will be the same. He already says he want me to stay home for our kids but then he thinks about the money and gets all spooked. Working on a baby budget should help him out.

Having it all out on paper will probably help him, if he is anything like me. It's not like you couldn't go back to work if need be. Also, the activities you can do with your LO can be cheap as well. We go to the story time every week, indoor/outdoor playgrounds, exhibits for kids at the downtown mall....all that is free! When you have a baby though, you really don't do much because he/she is not mobile and just lays around most of the time. When DD was a baby we would go on walks and cruise the mall. That was pretty much it.

ugh... stuck in the box. I was going to agree with this exactly, the only thing is you still need to be able to get there. If I remember correctly you don't budget for gas, so that would probably be something you need to add in because you will be driving more. Even if you just go to one of these things a week, you need to be able to get out of the house.

lifeonthehill · February 2014

I showed H all of this and showed him the baby calculator from babycenter. We did some math and he is feeling ten times better. H suggested while TTC/pregnant each month we put away a months worth of baby money into savings so that if we do get overwhelmed in the first few months we have a back up plan. Works for me. I am also going to be at my old job two nights a week from now on and plan to keep with that instead of being a full time SAHM. Still need to meet about Ins. sometime next week.

Thanks for all the advice and mentioning things I hadn't thought of yet. It gave me a great start up conversation to bring to H and helped a ton.

brij2006 · February 2014

You guys are snowballing your debt right now, correct?

I would plug away at the student loans and get rid of that payment as fast as possible. Then that gives you $218/month of extra wiggle room once you TTC or baby comes.

If you have that finished before TTC, then snowball that amount into a separate savings account for baby. Then when you quit your job you will have a decent amount of money stashed away just in case.

Also think about putting aside the medical expenses for birth. For us, our cheapest OOP amount is $4,500 on up to $6,000.

lifeonthehill · February 2014

brij2006 said:

You guys are snowballing your debt right now, correct?
I would plug away at the student loans and get rid of that payment as fast as possible. Then that gives you $218/month of extra wiggle room once you TTC or baby comes.
If you have that finished before TTC, then snowball that amount into a separate savings account for baby. Then when you quit your job you will have a decent amount of money stashed away just in case.
Also think about putting aside the medical expenses for birth. For us, our cheapest OOP amount is $4,500 on up to $6,000.

We stopped the snowball to save our 3-6 month E fund. We will be back to SL on April 15th. We will have the SL debt taken care of before we start TTC.
We plan to save the money for medical expenses with whatever is left over each month from saving the baby budget. After the medical is saved we will start a general baby savings for crib, clothes, etc. I don't expect to be pregnant right away so we should have a 10+ months to get all of this together.

vlagrl29 · February 2014

alyssa32713 said:

brij2006 said:

You guys are snowballing your debt right now, correct?
I would plug away at the student loans and get rid of that payment as fast as possible. Then that gives you $218/month of extra wiggle room once you TTC or baby comes.
If you have that finished before TTC, then snowball that amount into a separate savings account for baby. Then when you quit your job you will have a decent amount of money stashed away just in case.
Also think about putting aside the medical expenses for birth. For us, our cheapest OOP amount is $4,500 on up to $6,000.

We stopped the snowball to save our 3-6 month E fund. We will be back to SL on April 15th. We will have the SL debt taken care of before we start TTC.
We plan to save the money for medical expenses with whatever is left over each month from saving the baby budget. After the medical is saved we will start a general baby savings for crib, clothes, etc. I don't expect to be pregnant right away so we should have a 10+ months to get all of this together.

I didn't think I would be pregnant right away either, but I was pregnant just 6 weeks after trying. The grandparents bought most of the expensive items for us: furniture, highchair, stroller system with carseat, etc. That's the great thing about baby showers.

H is getting into my head

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