Can anyone relate? (Fight with BF Over Car)

Re: Can anyone relate? (Fight with BF Over Car)

• Maybride2 member

  

  February 2014

  It's been way too effing cold to wash your car lately. Yes, having salt sit on your car isn't good for it - but your doors probably would have frozen shut had you washed it and then left it out on the street overnight. Is your boyfriend new to snow/cold temps?

  

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• dani211 member

  

  February 2014

  No, he's not new to cold temperatures. The truth is that a lot of people do seem to have gotten their cars cleaned off by now, and it did look pretty bad sitting there on the street among a bunch of clean cars. I just wish he didn't now view me as the sole "car person" who is ultimately responsible for everything having to do with the car. I get that it's incredibly generous of him to let me drive it so much. But I think he can still help out with the maintenance stuff if he notices something needs doing or at least just gently remind me when it's time to do something. And then I will happily take care of stuff. I don't mind doing anything for the car, it's just that it sometimes slips my mind. Anyway, I think he acts sometimes as if he bought the car FOR me and it's this incredible sacrifice, not like he had it long before we ever even met. 

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  February 2014

  dani211 said:

  Hi Everyone,

  
  

  So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years, and we live together. He has a car that he had from before we started dating. We live in a major city, and we have to park the car on the street near our building (which can be challenging). Last year, I got a job that required me to commute a long distance, and he said that I could drive his car to work every day. This is super nice of him, of course, and I am very thankful. Also, it makes street parking a lot easier bc the car is away all the day. So, after some discussion, we decided that he would continue to pay the insurance while I would obviously pay for the EZ Pass as well as taking responsibility for getting and paying for the oil changes. 

  
  

  Well, there was a big snow storm a few days ago, and our car was covered with salt. I noticed this about three days ago, but I continued to drive the car to work and did not get it washed because it was just a busy week, and I let it slip my mind. Well, today, he came in from walking the dog and was like, "I am very disappointed in the state of the car. How could you let it go like this and not get it washed?" So I kind of flipped out bc I was hurt that he would get mad at me. I understand that, as the primary driver, I have more responsibility now. But he is still the owner of the car, and it's still parked out on our street every single night. He can see it and check it whenever he wants. He totally could have realized it needed a wash and either taken it himself or just let me know (more in the tone of "Hey, can you take the car in. . ." and NOT "I am disappointed in you.") Also, I'm kind of used to guys who take responsibility for cars no matter what. I know it's a silly stereotype but, in the back of my mind, my default is always "Oh, the guy takes care of the car." or at least takes care of telling me when/what to do for it. 

  
  

  I don't know--I guess I just needed to vent. Can anyone relate to this?

  
  

  Thank you!

  Save your money, get your own car, do what you want with it.
  
  He made a big thing over nothing.
  

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• Leftie22 member

  

  February 2014

  Maybe I'm the odd one out here, but I don't think your BF did anything terrible. You're driving the car every day but you expect him to wash it? Just because he's a guy? Think of how you'd feel if he left a bunch of his dishes out for days, and then flipped out at you when you said you were disappointed that he didn't wash them. And that he kind of expected you to do them because "the woman takes care of the dishes?" And from your original post, he didn't say he was disappointed in you, he said he was disappointed in the state of the car, which you admit was dirty. If you're driving it, it's way easier for you to just drop in somewhere on your way home, than for him to make a special trip to wash it. I would talk to him and clarify who will do what with the car. It sounds like you both overreacted, but I don't think your BF deserved to have you "flip out" at him. Time to kiss and make up.

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• PrincessVegan member

  

  February 2014

  Wash the car and just be done with this topic. 

  
  

  Also you two need to talk about your expectations. He didn't tell you that he expected you to keep the car shiny clean did he?

  
  

  
  

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• buttercup1958 member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  I agree with Leftie22. It seems like this was way blown out of proportion and completely unnecessary. I think I would be disappointed too, if I saw the car I loan to my significant other dirty. Maybe because the way I was raised, if someone lent you something like a car then you make sure that its at least in good condition or the condition in which you received it. My dad always said it was a sign of respect. Maybe thats just me though. Also you shouldn't expect him to automatically jump to do all car things because he is a "guy". I'm sure if the roles were reversed and you came with a story about how your boyfriend told you that he expected you to do "something" because you are a "woman" everyone here would be pissed. Give the guy a break.
  

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  February 2014

  Sorry, but if you're the one driving it, you should be the one taking care of it. H has NEVER taken my car to the wash, nor have I his. I don't see anything wrong with taking care of the car you're driving regardless of who the owner is. You should be even more fastidious since it's not your car. Sorry.

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• VOR member

  

  February 2014

  LOL at the "he's a guy, he should take care of it" Yeah, I'm with leftie on this - i doubt you'd take kindly to having to do the laundry and dishes because that's stuff that "women do".

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• KatieCutie05 member

  

  February 2014

  Sounds like something my husband would do but he would have given me specific orders as to how to care for his car. So if he was upset it would be because i didnt listen. Lol he's such a car guy. I don't really understand it but whatever. If he's got specific rules then he should tell you or take care of it himself. Most people drive a dirty car for a lot more then 3 days without washing it. Heck I go weeks in the winter without blinking. I'll wash it when it starts to annoy me but thats about it. Of course my husband would say that's irresponsible and it will ruin the wax on the car or some kind of crap like that. Idk he used to drive a mustang so he would wash it like every other day in the winter, and you gotta pay for the good car wash - not the cheap one. He was very particular. 
  
  Sounds like just some lack of communication in what he believes is "necessary maintenance". Its his car so if your going to drive it you do have to follow his level of maintenance but those are levels he needs to be clear on.
  

  

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• Mrs.Rad888 member

  

  February 2014

  So, you got mad that he got mad at you? I want to say that sounds very mature (being snarky), but I tend to do that too-get defensive when I'm called out on something I messed up on. This shouldn't even fall under gender roles, but stuff you do to take care of your belongings. If you get your own car, is he also going to be responsible for that? Or will you take it upon yourself to take care of it because it needs to be done?

  I don't live where we get a lot of snow, but is there even anywhere to get your car washed when the weather sucks? I know that the areas of the country affected by the Polar Vortex are about to get hit again, but wasn't there time during the weekend to wash the car? I find it hard to believe that you didn't see that all the other cars on the street were nice and clean, and yours was the lone dirty one.

  Just suck it up, admit that you should have gotten the car washed, and remember that the care of the car falls on all in the household that use it.

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