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parcoeliz
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Feeling left out :(
Hi ladies (and gents?),
Just a little vent and asking for advice. Recently, my DH has quit drinking cold turkey (long story :[ ) and so far it's been a week and a half. We already noticed a decline in our social life over the last year or so, because we stopped going to the bar every weekend and happy hours because we just don't feel like doing that and spending the money. Over that period of time, we stopped getting invited to certain events (usually held at bars) because people just figured we wouldn't go anyways. This also has "spread" into other aspects of our social life...even just friends having people over at their homes for simple, innocent gatherings. I think because we stopped going to the bars, we have been out less, and therefore are just starting to "fade out" of social gatherings all around.
Now, because my DH has quit drinking, and as "friends" find out he's trying to be sober (which is fine they find out) I can only imagine we will be invited out even less! People only want to hang out with a beer in their hands now a days.
With his new sobriety, we are trying to be smart and not expose him to temptations at this point. His (our) first test is superbowl Sunday. We had to turn down the invite to bar hop after bowling. We are going bowling, but as our friends head out to the bars after, we will go home or to my parents' house.
Then, St. Patrick's Day is a huuuuuge day for my friends. It's essentially bar hopping all day. We probably won't even be invited (fine), but if we are, we will have to turn it down. Then...people see this as us "never doing anything" so I'm sure that'll affect us being invited out to other things.
I'm just sad and pessimistic I guess. Overall, its our future that we're looking out for (sobriety).
Any words of encouragement or advice? Thank you!
Just a little vent and asking for advice. Recently, my DH has quit drinking cold turkey (long story :[ ) and so far it's been a week and a half. We already noticed a decline in our social life over the last year or so, because we stopped going to the bar every weekend and happy hours because we just don't feel like doing that and spending the money. Over that period of time, we stopped getting invited to certain events (usually held at bars) because people just figured we wouldn't go anyways. This also has "spread" into other aspects of our social life...even just friends having people over at their homes for simple, innocent gatherings. I think because we stopped going to the bars, we have been out less, and therefore are just starting to "fade out" of social gatherings all around.
Now, because my DH has quit drinking, and as "friends" find out he's trying to be sober (which is fine they find out) I can only imagine we will be invited out even less! People only want to hang out with a beer in their hands now a days.
With his new sobriety, we are trying to be smart and not expose him to temptations at this point. His (our) first test is superbowl Sunday. We had to turn down the invite to bar hop after bowling. We are going bowling, but as our friends head out to the bars after, we will go home or to my parents' house.
Then, St. Patrick's Day is a huuuuuge day for my friends. It's essentially bar hopping all day. We probably won't even be invited (fine), but if we are, we will have to turn it down. Then...people see this as us "never doing anything" so I'm sure that'll affect us being invited out to other things.
I'm just sad and pessimistic I guess. Overall, its our future that we're looking out for (sobriety).
Any words of encouragement or advice? Thank you!
Re: Feeling left out :(
Just a little vent and asking for advice. Recently, my DH has quit drinking cold turkey (long story :[ ) and so far it's been a week and a half.
By chance is he attending Alcoholics Anonymous and has he got a sponsor?
Because if he has just quit on his own, he isn't officially "quitting drinking."
He is what AA calls a dry drunk.
Might I ask why you want a husband who drinks too much?
We already noticed a decline in our social life over the last year or so, because we stopped going to the bar every weekend and happy hours because we just don't feel like doing that and spending the money.
You and your H don't spend your time together in any other ways???
This already is not so good.
Find a way to get yourself some friends who are only social drinkers -- try volunteering or doing something where you will meet couples in your age group.
Over that period of time, we stopped getting invited to certain events (usually held at bars) because people just figured we wouldn't go anyways. This also has "spread" into other aspects of our social life...even just friends having people over at their homes for simple, innocent gatherings. I think because we stopped going to the bars, we have been out less, and therefore are just starting to "fade out" of social gatherings all around.
Then these are not your friends in the first place.
Find quality friends --- do as I suggested.
Now, because my DH has quit drinking, and as "friends" find out he's trying to be sober (which is fine they find out) I can only imagine we will be invited out even less! People only want to hang out with a beer in their hands now a days.
You've got the wrong group of friends.
With his new sobriety, we are trying to be smart and not expose him to temptations at this point.
This is what Alcoholics Anonymous is for.
And NO he is not newly sober. Anybody in AA will tell you that.
His (our) first test is superbowl Sunday. We had to turn down the invite to bar hop after bowling. We are going bowling, but as our friends head out to the bars after, we will go home or to my parents' house.
You have a social life built around alcohol and partaking in it...
Then, St. Patrick's Day is a huuuuuge day for my friends. It's essentially bar hopping all day.
No, it is NOT "barhopping all day!"
How OLD are you two??? it sounds like you're still in the college student drinking days!
We probably won't even be invited (fine), but if we are, we will have to turn it down. Then...people see this as us "never doing anything" so I'm sure that'll affect us being invited out to other things.
I'm just sad and pessimistic I guess. Overall, its our future that we're looking out for (sobriety).
Any words of encouragement or advice? Thank you!
He is not sober --- for the reason I gave you earlier on.
And you need to get yourself to AlAnon.
I can't understand why you tolerated a husband who drank too much. YOu needed to leave his drunken ass when his problem became A PROBLEM.
Alcoholism is a dealbreaker.
Your friends are juvenile and drink too much also -- if events have to involve booze and a lot of it, damn right it is juvenile.
Get rid of these friends and find quality people who spend their free time doing quality things.
Have something at your home like a games night, a video night or some other gathering -- and make it a dry event or one where alcohol will be available in very limited supply. Perhaps where it works out to one beer per person or one glass of wine per person.
You need to get rid of these dumbassed "friends." Not every event involves drinking and lots of it. I know of nobody -- and knew of nobody -- who barhops all day long on St. Pat's Day and I know of nobody who drank excessively at a Superbowl party or at any other event where booze was served. You've got the wrong friends; take it from me.
Do you have kids? That would be a good place to start. You can meet other couples more focussed on family orientated dry events. Check out your local Y for weekend activity schedules.
If you don't, you could find friends through volunteering, hunting clubs, co-ed sports teams or golf leagues, book clubs, art theaters.... Really there are so many options.
First thing to remember is that your DH is also your friend. Neither of you are left out if you are doing activities you both enjoy together.