Trouble in Paradise
chels31691
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
DH HATES his job, but won't do anything about it!
My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. He got his current job IMMEDIATELY after graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering; we were married just over a year later. The plan has always been that this would be a great stepping stone job for him to get some experience and then look for something a little bigger, but he's acting like his life and career are over because he doesn't enjoy his work. I completely get why he's so frustrated with his job. When he entered the department as an intern, the work was simple and he was working with a large team. Since then, though, the company has made cuts and he is one of two people working in his department doing the same amount of work as the eight people originally working there. He was initially told that as soon as a position opened up in a different department, he would be moved; after nearly 3 years, though, and many, many new graduate and inexperienced hires into openings in other departments, DH is getting extremely fed up with the company. He is overworked in an area of engineering that he just does not enjoy.
As a person with less than three years of work experience, a person who was immediately hired upon graduating college, a person who has helped save the company hundreds of thousands of dollars each year and who has helped to create and patent some innovative new product designs, he is FAR from finding his lifelong career but is a very marketable employee. We sat down with DH's cousin--another mechanical engineer--a couple of months ago, and he, too, is miserable in his job. But he reminded DH that his first job is his FIRST job, not his only job, and that he himself has had over 5 jobs already at the age of 31, none of which have been what he wants to spend his life doing. But it's like it's one thing to say out loud, "I know," and another thing for him to actually realize that he is NOT stuck at this job, no matter how much of an asset he is to them in this department. People leave jobs and get hired every day (less so in the last few years, but it does happen), and he is a great employee. AND YET.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. He walks in the door to tell me what a HORRIBLE day he had. He is SO TIRED. He is GOING TO QUIT! For nearly two years, this is ALL I've heard about his job. How he needs to find a new job, that he is miserable, that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He's 25 years old and has only worked one full time job right outside of school; of COURSE he doesn't know what he wants to do. At this point, unless he wants to go to career counseling (which is an option his alma mater offers to graduates) or go back to school (not an affordable option), the only way he will find out what he wants to do is to try something different out. But it seems that TELLING me how unhappy he is is the only thing he can do to fix that, right?
For the past month or so, when he comes home from work and vents on video games (which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for 4+ hours before telling me he's tired and ready for bed) I've been looking up mechanical engineering jobs in the area. I even go through all of the jobs listed and pull up ALL of the ones he is qualified for. He tells me he'll look at it later and keeps playing. When he does start to look through them, he'll look at two or three (of the dozens he's more than qualified for within xxmiles of where we live) he'll say he's tired and go to bed.
For the past month or so, when he comes home from work and vents on video games (which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for 4+ hours before telling me he's tired and ready for bed) I've been looking up mechanical engineering jobs in the area. I even go through all of the jobs listed and pull up ALL of the ones he is qualified for. He tells me he'll look at it later and keeps playing. When he does start to look through them, he'll look at two or three (of the dozens he's more than qualified for within xxmiles of where we live) he'll say he's tired and go to bed.
I get it. Change is scary. It's hard. Applying for a new job is stepping out of your comfort zone. I don't want to be a bad wife or unsupportive of him, but I've been the listening ear and shoulder to complain on for two years, and if he's not going to take actual steps to fix his problem, that what more can I do??? I've physically done the job searching for him. All he has to do is decide yea or nay and click the apply button, which will automatically send off his resume. I'm so tired of this. When he is miserable, he fills the house with misery, and I can't take it anymore! If his attitude about his job won't change (which I don't blame), then his job has to change, but HE has to be the one to do that. I can't LIVE like this anymore. I don't care how much money he makes; I just wan't to live in a happy home, a home where I don't HAVE to sit up at night when he's gone to bed upset venting to a panel of complete strangers about how much his lack of motivation kills me. I want him to be happy. But there's only so much I can do if his unhappiness at work seeps into everything else we do and sours it.
Re: DH HATES his job, but won't do anything about it!
Have you said this to him? If not, then do so. He might be depressed too. I'm wondering if seeing a counselor might help him.
And to answer you're other question, I think it's scarier to be in hell hole of misery! You get ONE life. ONE. Is this REALLY how he wants to spend it?
The job market stinks. It's horrfically tight and he was indeed fortunate enough to find a job immediately.
Maybe he should think of exploring another field altogether or something related to mathematics --- what about an actuary?
Has he got a hobby? If not, he needs to get one: excellent place to blow off steam. We all need an outlet.
Pinterest | Author Site | Tumblr | Blog | Free Printables
You never know when a fantastic opportunity arises. A very wise guy told that to me: even if your job is incredible never ever cease looking at the "help wanted" ads; you never know when something better is in the offing.
Isn't he even interested in putting his resume out there and going on an interview to see how he "rates"? What about joining some professional organization and getting to know the members? What about getting to know engineers in the competing companies? YOu never know when a job is available there.
Another thing we did was on-the-way-home phone calls. I usually worked 7a-3p and I would bluetooth my husband on the way home to work to complain about the day. Then, when I got home, I was ready to be my cheerful self. MH would call on his commute.
You're doing job searches for him? Cut it out. He's not interested and it's not your responsibility. Stop pressuring him to apply, talk to people, seek out interviews, etc. He has to want to and you are only creating more resentment for yourself. In no uncertain terms you need to tell him what you've told us calmly, and diplomatically. Tell him you cannot be his sounding board anymore because it's crossed over into the realm of misery. I hate to tell you this, but no amount of browbeating, finagling, begging, or shoving job ads under his nose is going to change his direction. If you truly "can't take it anymore" he needs to understand the damage he's doing to your marriage--not just your nerves and your patience--but your marriage.
Has he even applied to the other deptartments or positions in the company? Or is he just expecting to be handed the new position? In most corporations I've worked for even when they tell you they want to consider you for a different position, you still have to take the initiative and apply for it when it's posted as available or they assume you aren't interested.
He's stuck because he's not taking any initiative and is wallowing.