Relationships
countrylovin1990
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Will affection ever return?
So we had our best friends over to specifically "get drunk" and I kept hugging my best friend, which I do all the time, she is more like a sister to me. And kissing her on the cheek. My DBF's exact words were you were going to cheat on me with our best friends and it's the same as cheating. I owned up to that and the possibility of trying to "shotgun" some vape pen smoke from his best friend. I understand that he is hurting, but he admits that I am very LUCKY that he loves me. That if I had actually cheated that he would be gone. I made a promise to never touch alcohol again, because in my mind it was the drinking that put me there. I honestly believed that my best friends boyfriend was my DBF. But he's going out of his way to hurt me, because he knows that I need physical affection because I never got that at home. So he says he loves me in the morning but hasn't hugged me in two days and I just got a quick peck on the lips back this morning. When we fought over the incident of attempted cheating, with him in the room mind you, he kept bringing up a woman he was engaged to previously that called him and told him she cheated consciously. I had zero memory of anything but being close with my best friend. So here's the questions
1. How did you take the suffering your SO felt was necessary to ease their pain? The verbal and physical?
2. Did you also feel like your SO was being hurtful on purpose?
3. How to I continue to show him I love him and build his trust without pushing him away?
Thank You!
Re: Will affection ever return?
You have a bit more than an alcohol problem if you have zero memory of the incident. You had a blackout, it looks like --- and that is bad news. I don't know how much you usually drink but a blackout is not normal.
I would, if I were you, get to a doc for a full evaluation --- and I would also get to Alcoholics Anonymous, if I were you.
you just can't "quit" drinking if you have a a true drinking problem. AA members will tell you that's called a "dry drunk" and that means you are not officially in recovery with AA's help.
I am not sure that there was any "cheating" here at all.
And what do you mean you got together with them for the sake of getting drunk? Are you guys still in ninth grade or what????
You need better friends, with brains and their heads screwed onto their shoulders! Who gets together to get drunk????
This is only a SO and not a husband?
Perhpas you are better off calling it a day with him and moving on. I am not crazy about the way he keeps mentioning a former ladyfriend; it's like this is some kind of kick in the shins and like he's rubbing this in for you. Not a mature thing to do.
You're going to have to decide if you want this guy around for the long run.
Anybody else?
"Uh... Tarpon?"
The OP's boyfriend thought that she has a thing for her girlfriend and evidently the OP kissed the girlfriend for fun(?)...and she cannot remember what happened after that.
That is how I interpreted it.
He sounds like a nutter. if that is the case.
I agree with Mrs.Rad888 that this sounds like abuse.
But hum. I'm super confused. I read your original post over and over trying to figure out if you kissed a GIRL on the cheek and he's upset you are going to cheat with her, or if he got upset about this smoke thing with a GUY friend of his... I'm super lost.
If he's upset about you being sloppy drunk and hugging and kissing your girl friend on the cheek and he's been giving you the cold shoulder all this time, bringing up an ex who "cheating in her mind" and admitted it to him, we have deeper issues. I don't know how old you are but you aren't married to this guy so if you see any red flags in the dating stages of a relationship, you should see them for what they are. He sounds emotionally immature. And just because he saved you when you were in a dark stage, is your knight in shining armour, etc. does not mean he is The One for you or that he has a right to guilt you and make you pay for his own insecurities. It sounds to me he's still not over that ex who "cheated in her mind"... Its ok for him to talk about it once or twice in the context of past experiences but not in order to make you feel bad in the present...
As for you getting drunk and losing it, you're going to realize sooner than later that some types of alcohol brands just don't agree with you, and you need to stay away from them from now on. I know a lot of people (myself included) who can have several (5-6+) drinks of XYZ and have a blast and be grounded, but 2 drinks of XYZ (on a separate occasion of course) and lose it completely and have the worst hangover the day after. I don't drink often anymore but I've gone through that stage and I've learned my limits. The hard way unfortunately.
Also, cancer aside, having people over to "get drunk" is not a great idea. This is something you do in college (early 20's), and basically you need to grow out of that if you are 23 or older.