Relationships
cutesmile86
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I feel like I lost my brother to his new GF
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I am but I cannot help the way I feel. I know it sounds like I'm jealous or something but I really am not! My bro has been in a LT relationship before and I was very happy for him. Of course, I want nothing more but my brother to be happy. But what do you do if you don't trust his new SO. I cant be a hypocrite and act like I like her when I really don't. I don't get a good feeling about her.
A few months ago he began dating a girl with a LOT of baggage from her past. You will not believe the crazy things that happen to her. It seems like he is the unluckiest person in the world. First she was in a pretty bad car accident where her friend died. She was left with a lot of pain. Then her ex-boyfriend kidnaps. My brother got her pregnant just a couple of months into dating. During that time another ex-boyfriend breaks into her house and rapes her. Then she finds out she has to have an abortion because she has a blood infection. But they keep misdiagnosing her going back and forth from kidney failure to blood infection. In the mean time, she insist she cannot tell her family because they are very religious and she doesn't want to disappoint them. They go through with the abortion so she can be able to take her meds. Like three weeks after the abortion my brother has gotten her pregnant again. Now just two days ago, one of the crazy exboyfriend's breaks into her house with a gun, beats her and tries to kill her.
I know you should give people the benefit of the doubt but all this is hard to believe. The way the whole abortion thing happened seemed very suspicious to me. Not once was my brother able accompany her to the doctor for some reason. Every time she went it was as an emergency due to some symptom, she will just tell my brother after and make him worry about her diagnosis. It just sounds very strange.
I also started to resent my brother because he started putting her above everyone & everything. Its not only that but its like he will walk all over us to please her. He caters to her every need and doesn't see an issue using us. For example, he borrowed money from me to take her for this expensive first date yet I don't think he's going to even pay me back. He doesn't even currently work. My father just gives him money and he takes this girl out all the time with my dads money. He doesn't have a car so he uses my mom new car which she is still paying to drive her around. My mom is left with an old van. I know this is also my parents fault!!!! While my sister and I pay our own way for everything, my dad spoils my brother for being his only son. Even paid for the girls abortion because he was told she was very sick. My dad is not doing him any favors but thats another story. Anyway....
My brother has gone mad about this woman, lol. It seems like he doesn't even thinking rational anymore. I pointed out that its strange if she has all these medical issues causing her to need an abortion yet he never goes with her to the doctor to hear it himself. An abortion is a big deal! It was his babies, Apparently it caused him to have doubts about what was going which I guess he expressed to the girl. She dumped him and he was so devestated. He blamed me for poisoning his relationship. I apologized & promised I was never get into his business but I asked him not to tell me about it anymore.
Just today he tells me she's pregnant again. I reacted by asking how could he get her pregnant after just weeks that she had the abortion. He got all defensive of course. I told him ever since this whole thing we've been drifting apart. He told me I was very judgemental and he doesn't want to be close to me anymore. His GF comes first and if I don't like her then I'm out. I told him its fine & I understand. I just don't know how I can save my relationshio with my bro when his world now revolves around her. I hardly see him, he's always with her. I do want him to be happy but she seems very needy. I just wonder if she seeks attention or if she really has this unfortunate luck. Am I wrong for distancing myself from my bro b/c of her?
Re: I feel like I lost my brother to his new GF
If, that is, she was ever expecting a blessed event at all.
Toots, nobody is this fecund. Nuh uh. I am willing to bet even money that this chick was never pregnant ever (which sucks for Bro because now he's thinking this "kiddo" is his) Nobody has all of these multiple pregnancies, like, all in a row in short succession.
It is possible also that she may even be lying about her medical ills or be a rabid hypochondriac --- unless she was in hospital when all of this was going on, in which case that's another story.
I don't know where he met her but he needs to send her back to wherever it was -- and make sure she stays there.
As I said, you are enabling your brother. This is also not healthy for you -- iit's a codependency. Not a healthy relationship between you and Bro.
I have a brother who is rather peculiar --- same thing like your brother --- he dated this girl and within a week, he was off looking at engagement rings with this chick. The relationship coughed and spluttered on and off for 5 years; eventually she took a powder --- good for her, I say.
He's done other peculiar things --- it's hard to believe that these are full grown men.
This girl your brother is seeing may be here today and gone tomorrow.
I'll betcha she's got other boyfriends in a flight pattern and somehow she is pinning all of these alleged pregnancies on your brother -- he may not be the father if she was ever pregnant --- and she may not even BE pregnant.
Has he asked for proof that 1-she is pregnant and 2- proof that he is the father -- ie, can she prove he is the only guy she is seeing?
I will also bet she's into drugs or something else illegal.
This whole situation is a mess.
And so is Bro.
Exercise TOUGHLOVE.
I strongly advise you to steer clear of him --- he's a mess because of all the family enablement -- what the what??? He has no job??? WHY????
Give him no more money and tell him you're no longer interested in hearing about his soap opera relationship. And then curtail contact with him to a very bare minimum.
Let him fall on his ass and fall HARD. And maybe then he will get it that this chick is no good for him.
Good luck --- siblings can be odd and flighty and not very smart. Been there; I've seen it up close and personal myself. Exercise toughlove.
He must be guilty as hell ---- what a rotten thing to do to somebody -- and all for what reason?
A dime says she's taking the abortion money and is spending it on who knows what, perhaps drugs.
YOur brother needs to button up and cover up. Whether it's with this young woman or others, he needs to use a condom at all times --- of course you know this. But he doesn't care -- he is leaving himself wide open to get just about any STD that's on the books -- and oh yeah, there is a risk of unwanted pregnancy.
Better yet, he needs to keep it zipped and in his pants. But that's not gonna happen.
This whole thing sounds like a soap opera -- and the OP's brother isn't smart and he is not making wise choices nor is he making wise decisions.
I still vote for "let him fall on his ass". And I vote we neuter him - a box of condoms? Judging by the action this dude is getting, that box of condoms will be depleted in a week or so.
The only cure for this: for Bro to drop her like the proverbial bad habit and stay away from her. But I don't see that happening at all anywhere sooner or later.
For his own good he needs to steer clear of her.
I can only imagine what that would be like if she really did get pregnant and decided to bring that child into the world. WOW, she'd take him for all he's got...or shall I say all that your parents have????
I knew a girl in high school, I can't even remember how times she supposedly was pregnant. She would get serious with a guy & if things started to seem like they were going bad, she would say she was pregnant, like your brother's GF she never showed the guys a pregnancy test or would let them go to the dr with her. Everytime she was supposedly pregnant, she would miscarry at 3 months, right before you would start showing. I think she had 3-4 miscarriages in less then 2 years, but doctors never put her on bed rest for possible high risk pregnancy. Eventually the guys started catching on. But if the guys used protection (even though I know it's not 100%) they wouldn't have to worry about this so much.
I think all you can do is step back and be there when he falls. Maybe try to encourage him to get job & hopefully one with benefits so that when it does happen that he can support his child financially. But maybe you would have more luck trying to reach out to your parents and appeal to them, don't they want him to get a job & take care of himself, how long do they want to be financially responsible for him and possibly a baby one day soon. Are they willing to give up their current/future retirement to continue to support him?