October 2012 Weddings
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talking separation :( *long

Hi ladies,

This last while in my relationship has been at its worst and I need to reach out and speak to someone. You ladies arehisesome and o feel like I can reach out to you for support and hope that you will keep me as part of this community regardless of what happens with my marriage.

I've posted before about things not being so great but things are horrible now. There are very few moments, if any when either of us is happy. My husband has become very self centered and does not help around the house AT ALL and to be truely honest, he isn't a very good father either. His temper is horrible and it is rubbing off on my son.

Yesterday for me was my breaking point. I haven't been sick in a very long time but Monday night I got a severe migraine which continued through Tuesday along with a sick stomach. I felt so tired and weak. It was my husbands day off so I was thankful he was home and figured I'd at least have a little help....I was wrong. He didn't care that I was sick at all. It was pulling teeth to even get him to change a diaper.

By the evening my stomach was super suck and I had to go to the bathroom. The entire time ilI was in there I could hear him raising his voice at my kids (including our 9 month old). This is a common occurrence and I feel like I can't leave himalone with the kids bcs he ddoesn't have the patience and he has a short fuse.

Come dinner time I felt so horrible that my hands were shaking but I still offered to make him dinner but I had to change plans from our original dinner bcs I didn't have it in me. He got really angry for no reason and scoffed at me and told me just to make whatever for me and the kids. I said Iwas sorry iI couldn't do the original dinner but I felt horrible, then I said something along the lines of "even though I feel horrible I am still making dinner for the kids" and he snapped back with "I didn't ask you to make dinner for the kids"....he has never made a meal in this house, if I didn't make the dinner then the kids would not have eaten.

He truly showed me yesterday how little he cares for me. The respect is gone, trust is damaged and the love is all but gone. I don't know what we have anymore.

Last night we had a long discussion and I've given him until the end of June to clean up his act or we are over. I would love to do marriage counseling but we cannot afford it at $90-$150 per session. Where we live there are limited options and trust me, I've looked into everything.

I do not want my marriage to end, nor do I want my children to have to grow up in a broken home :( I feel so low right now

Sorry to be a downer ladies

Re: talking separation :( *long

  • Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry :(  (I know you said you have looked around, but have you looked at local churches for counseling?   I know some will provide that service for free or at whatever you can afford.  You don't necessarily have to be religious, I don't think.  Just wanted to double check that you'd explored that possibility.)

    He is obviously being a jerk, and I don't know why or how to fix it.  But you're right to demand more for yourself and for your kids.  I will definitely be praying for you and hope that things work out and that you get the respect and love you deserve.  BIG hugs to you!!   
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't really have any advice, but I hope it gets easier for you and the kids.
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  • I have to agree with everything that Evan has said.  I'll also add that what you are describing is exactly what my first marriage was like.  I stayed with him for over 6 years until I finally realized he was never going to change.  I think it's smart of you to tell him exactly how you are feeling and where you stand.  I know it's scary to think about things ending with him, but you also need to keep your children and yourself happy.  It sounds like you are an amazing mother and I know you will be okay no matter the outcome of this situation.  Keep your head up and know that you are strong enough to get through this.  The thought that made everything so clear for me was, "I only have one life to live and I have no idea how long it will be, but the time that I do have will not be spent being unhappy."
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  • You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.  Good for you for standing up and saying this is not how you want to live. 

    I agree about checking into any services churchs around you have.  I hope you find something that works, even if that's separation for a while.  He really needs to get his head out of his ass.

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  • I echo everyone's sentiments, and sending thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs. Good for you, and hoping that more good can come TO you as well, and soon. 
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  • I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You have to put your children first and do what's best for you and the little ones.

    Sending you love and hugs <3



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  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. I agree with the others about looking into churches or other organizations to see if they can offer some counseling. If you can get into something I think that you should go even if he doesn't want to. 

    And remember, don't let him guilt you into staying if you don't want to. From what you said, he seems like the type that will do that. Think about the well being of yourself and your children first. 

    Oh and if you are seriously looking into a possible divorce document everything. It will.help in the long run.
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  • ^^ I second that.  Keep a notebook and write down everything along with the time and date.  Hopefully you won't need it, but it can be very helpful if you do.  Same goes with text messages and voicemails-save them.
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  • Seconding the idea to look into churches and other organizations for counseling, but I would also suggest calling your county's department of mental health. They would know about low-cost counseling services in your area. Sending positive thoughts your way.
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  • So sorry you are going through this :(

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  • So sorry you are going through this.

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  • I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I have been thinking of you since you last updated us. I will keep you in my prayers that you get some peace in whatever you choose.

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  • I'm sorry you are going through this.  T&P your way. 
  • You will always be welcome here, no matter what :) I can't even imagine what you're going through, I'm sending so much love and comfort your way. I've never been in a situation like this, but I have to say, the most important thing is thinking about those babies and what they need. 

    I'm so glad you talked to him about the problem because it sets the example that the way he's been behaving is unacceptable. Everything about your relationship is what your children will see and know about how they work, so it's so important to make sure they know what is and isn't okay. 

    Keep your head up! You've done one of the hard parts by talking to him! If it ends up separating, yes, you have a lot harder coming, but you're a wonderful, strong woman and mother! We'll be here for you, no matter what. <3 *hugs*
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  • I'll second that you are ALWAYS welcome here no matter what, and if you stop posting I'll track you down and check on you ;)
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  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Sending T&P your way!
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  • I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. But you have to do what is best for you and the kids. I hope he wakes up and changes his tune. I also agree with checking into church options for counseling. T&Ps

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  • I am so sorry you're going through this.  I have nothing to add, but I want you to know I am keeping you in my prayers.
  • I am so sorry you are going though this but you have to put you and your kids first. Sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way!!
  • Thank you so much for all of you support! My husband has been kissing some major A** since we had our conversation. I'm not holding out too much hope that it won't face out over time.

    I will look into church counseling but I'm not sure if any of the churches here will do it if u are not religious.

    I will be sure to keep you guys updated over time
  • Good luck @chasemamabear- sorry to hear you are going through this but glad he is treating you better!
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