Family Matters
csowle68
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I Can't Stand His "Sister"
Back before I started dating my fiance, I had issues with this girl. After I started dating him I find out they grew up together and she is practically his sister (no attraction at all though). I squashed all our prior issues and in the next two years I became pretty close friends with her...that is until she started dating my ex-fiance, first love, and high school sweetheart of 4 years. I found out they were dating over social networking and decided it wasn't a big deal, I had moved on, everything was peachy until I started receiving nasty texts and emails from her, then to hear she invited him as her date to my wedding! I felt she crossed the line just dating him let alone the texts and asking him to be her date to my wedding. I don't know if I am just being over-dramatic or if I truly have a right to cringe everytime someone says her name. I really don't want her at the wedding but I decided it wasn't worth the fight with the fiance even though he agrees with my frustration. Am I just being a jerk or am I justified?
Re: I Can't Stand His "Sister"
But does nothing about the source of the problem: this young woman.
My opinion?
You need neither this young woman OR your FI.
I suggest you bid them both adieu, him first, though. He's not a good bet for your future if he permits anybody to come between you or treat you horrifically.
I also suspect he's got a thing for her.
Get rid of him posthaste.
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BUT - you say you previously didn't like her, got "over" it, became close to her, and then she started dating him and never talked to you about it? Then started bad mouthing you? Eh, she sounds immature and I doubt she was every really your friend. I think you're expecting something from someone that you're never going to get.
So, my advice? no, you can't disinvite her from the wedding. And while it wouldn't be MY ideal, if she's allowed to bring a guest, well... then she's allowed to bring your ex.
Realize that this will be your WEDDING. If anything, HE should feel more awkward. And the less you focus on them and the more your focus on your FI, your friends, your family, and well, really just the whole concept of getting married and celebrating - then she and your ex will pretty much have no impact. That's what it boils down to- your ex being there has as much power as YOU give it. So, don't give it any power.
And I think the less you react to her, her texts, the fact that she's dating your ex, you're going to take some of the wind out of her sails.
If they are actual married into or blood related siblings I can see how originally not inviting her would be tough.
But if they are friends why would you and especially your FI want someone like that in your lives? Get rid of her. Although you can't uninvited her to the wedding. And giving her a plus one allows her to bring who she wants.
As for your ex boyfriend, if their isn't bad blood between you two there is no reason he can't come to the wedding. Now if he had abused you that would be a different can of worms.
Wait. What? She just randomly started sending you nasty texts? That doesn't make any sense. And I'm inferring that your FI still has a friendship with her? If so, what's his reasoning and what do they do together? I mean, does he see the nasty communication and then like, invite her out for a beer? I'm so confused. Has he drawn a line with her telling her the nasty behavior won't be tolerated if she wants to continue a friendship with him? If the friendship with your FI has dwindled to the point they don't communicate because of her buggy behavior, then what's the problem? She should be disinvited. She is no longer a friend and she's toxic, at that. If your FI is actually still her friend (which seems like the case from what you said), then I'd be questioning my FI's behavior.
Chances are you will have little or no interaction with your ex at your wedding. I'm assuming the breakup wasn't due to abuse or another serious issue of that nature else you wouldn't still go to the shop he works at (yes I realize you have other friends there) to buy bike parts. If it was an abusive relationship you wouldn't feel comfortable going there.
All you can do it ignore her texts and if necessary, block them. Yes, be the bigger person. Part of me is wondering if there is some jealousy on her part. Not necessarily a romantic jealousy but you are in the life of someone who is important to her (your FI) and now that takes up his time which takes away time from her. So now she can't hang out with him like she use to.
The thing is she obviously doesn't realize that you are sharing info with FI and that it's only going to hurt their friendship in the end. Even if she makes a scene at the wedding or tries to trash you to any of your guests, she's the one that is going to be looking like a fool, not you.
Good luck!!!
ANYWAY, I think its time to cut these people out of your life. Are you sure she didn't start dating your ex because shes secretly jealous of you or maybe secretly in love with your DH??? If shes being harassing to you its time for you and DH to cut her out of your lives. Even with blood, if that person isn't adding value to your life then its time to cut them out.