Family Matters
princess1224
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help with In Law struggle
So my FI and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for a little over a year. I have never had any problems with my FI family and still don't but I am starting to struggle with how to communicate with them. You would think after 8 years this wouldn't be a problem but they don't speak English. My FI is Mexican and I am American and his whole family speaks Spanish and I don't speak it very much. I have learned to say little things and understand a majority of conversations over the years but now that we are planning the wedding I don't know how to make sure they are involved as much as they want to be. My FI is trying to help and communicate but I don't know if my message comes across correctly.
Anyone else have this situation? How did you deal with it?
Anyone else have this situation? How did you deal with it?
Re: Help with In Law struggle
Speaking of ILs, I am sure you have seen it up close and personal in his family that the mother tends to be the top kick. That's how it is in certain cultures; I am sure your FI's family is not an exception to the rule.
Make sure he puts you first. You are a committed couple; after you are married, you will be THE family to him. You and he are a whole complete new family unit.
The padrinos (the godparents) play a large part in a godchild's wedding; it's part of Mexican and Latin culture. You could also include hymns that are in Spanish if you're having a religious ceremony.
I also have been learning Spanish but it is harder to learn than anticipated.My goal is to do a speech in Spanish at the wedding to honor his family. More of the issue I have is that whenever we are all together since I don't speak Spanish I am always an outsider to conversation and I don't feel I will ever be considered apart of their family.
Does your FI translate for you when you're out with his family? I feel for you, especially if you're just sitting there not understanding what's going on. I never felt accepted by my ILs, and I hate sitting through dinners, holidays etc, while they speak in their language - BUT they speak English. (They all work in English-only workplaces, so I know they are fully fluent.) So to me, it seems more intentional that they don't speak English around me. I find their language almost impossible to learn, and I'd only be using it twice a year, so it's just not going to happen. However, if your ILs really can't speak English, learning some Spanish would probably really help. And your FI could translate for you a little so you at least know what's going on or the general subject! It's not easy marrying into a family with language and cultural barriers, that's for sure! A lot depends on their attitude toward you and if they're willing to meet you halfway with making an effort to communicate. My ILs don't make any effort, so eventually I also gave up. But if both parties are willing to to take some baby steps, it could be really nice and you could learn a lot from each other. You know best how it feels to be around them and how they treat you. Good luck!