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parcoeliz
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friends are rich, we are not
Just thought I'd reach out for some advice...
Although DH and I are not poor by any means, we are definitely not rolling in money. We don't have a lot of disposable money. We are responsible with our money, but we are paying bills, paying off our wedding expenses, restoring/renovating a big house, and still having a savings acct.
A lot of our friends want to do things that cost "a lot" of money (in our opinion). Whether it's concerts on the summer, golfing, going skiing, or going out to eat a pricey restaurants. The other day I got an invite for a pedicure ($30) and just couldn't do it. For NYE we were invited to a "private party" (which most of our friends went to) for $30/person. Every summer it's a wine tour or two or three that are $50-60/person.
A lot of our couple-friends make very good money. And I know I don't really know their financial situation, but, still the fact is, we are invited to do expensive things, and I usually have to turn it down bc we don't have it in our budget
They seem to do all of this, and still manage to take a vacation, buy a new car, etc.
Do you think I'm being a cheapskate?
One last note: DH and I WILL go to one concert this summer and we also plan to do a warrior run ($65/person) in July. So...I'm trying!
Although DH and I are not poor by any means, we are definitely not rolling in money. We don't have a lot of disposable money. We are responsible with our money, but we are paying bills, paying off our wedding expenses, restoring/renovating a big house, and still having a savings acct.
A lot of our friends want to do things that cost "a lot" of money (in our opinion). Whether it's concerts on the summer, golfing, going skiing, or going out to eat a pricey restaurants. The other day I got an invite for a pedicure ($30) and just couldn't do it. For NYE we were invited to a "private party" (which most of our friends went to) for $30/person. Every summer it's a wine tour or two or three that are $50-60/person.
A lot of our couple-friends make very good money. And I know I don't really know their financial situation, but, still the fact is, we are invited to do expensive things, and I usually have to turn it down bc we don't have it in our budget
They seem to do all of this, and still manage to take a vacation, buy a new car, etc.
Do you think I'm being a cheapskate?
One last note: DH and I WILL go to one concert this summer and we also plan to do a warrior run ($65/person) in July. So...I'm trying!
Re: Friends are rich, we are not
Why can't they find something relatively affordable so everyone can attend?
You all can have a DIY wine tasting; somebody can host it and each one of the invitees brings a bottle of wine.
One of my friends has the same income as me but never has money to go on vacation or do fun things. Why? 99% goes to bills, necessities, and savings. After years of doing nothing fun she started to budget a little differently. Now she spends more on fun things. She is just as stressed over money as she was before but she's much happier overall. I noticed a big positive change in her attitude once she started living life.
I budget much differently then my friend. H and I take more trips and vacations. We go and enjoy life to the fullest we can with what we have. We wouldn't have it any other way. Life is to short to not be happy.
There are four possible reasons why they have so much more money to spend on fun things then you.
1) living above their means
2) make same money as you, just budget differently
3) they make more money, giving more disposable income
4) less debt, giving them more disposable income
I personally hate going out to restaurants with people. I find it is a huge waste of money and I really hate it when we 'just split the bill' - I'm a vegetarian that doesn't drink much. How did my meal cost £40??
If they want to go to an event or a concert maybe see if someone can host post or pre-drinks at their home instead of a restaurant?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
The things you listed? They don't seem all that outrageously expensive to me, at all. And DH and I are FAR from "rolling in it". Those are things that I'd absolutely enjoy doing and would be willing to spend the money on.
Which may also be another point- you simply have different priorities on what is "fun" and what you want to spend money on.
However - when you add in golfing, skiing and expensive restaurants - yes, if this is ALL they do, it absolutely does add up. Plus, we don't golf. No interest there. We have skiied, but there are other ways I'd rather spend my money. But that kind of goes back to my point of priorities and what you think is fun. To a degree, it almost seems as if you aren't on the same page at all w/ your friends as to what is "fun".
For example, one of our friend groups is really into craft beer (as are we!). They go to several beer festivals a year, but we usually pick just one. We try to always accept house party invitations to make up for when we decline other events. I've also learned never to give money as my excuse-it leads to awkwardness down the line.
We also try, like PP said, to take initiative on planning activities that work for us (often outdoorsy things). We'd love to have people over more, but it's geographically tough right now. Overall I think it's a common situation; just don't feel a need to accept every invitation, and take the lead in inviting others sometimes.