Relationships
CowgirlK39
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
We have no friends
....I mean, we do have friends but lately they just suck. Make a long story short, all of my good friends (including my best friend of 22 years) have moved away. None of my college friends are from this area either. I have one good friend here but she can drive me absolutely insane with how ridiculously judgmental she is. We talk about a lot of things but she is always envious, bitter and in everyone's business. She is in a bit of a rough patch in her life, so she criticizes everyone who is doing better. DH on the other hand has a ton of friends but they are usually younger and still dating. Recently one of his buddies started dating a girl we all know is trouble. Sure enough they broke up and drama ensued. It was so bad, and it somehow ended up involving every one of us. I want nothing to do with that crap so we stopped talking to them (it got to a point where saying a word to anyone caused drama). We really do not have anyone in the same life phase (married, starting a family soon). Is anyone else in this situ? Do we need new friends or should we accept their flaws and still hang out?
Re: We have no friends
Try things you can do as a couple and attend them --- you are bound to make friends there.
Try group dance lessons for couples, fundraiser groups, things that your house of worship has to offer for volunteers, adult school classes --- these are only a few things I can think of.
Get rid of the jealous, snipy "friend"?
That's a start --- get rid of every single problematic "friend."
You don't need this silliness nor do you need seventh grade tween traumas:
Recently one of his buddies started dating a girl we all know is trouble. Sure enough they broke up and drama ensued. It was so bad, and it somehow ended up involving every one of us. I want nothing to do with that crap so we stopped talking to them (it got to a point where saying a word to anyone caused drama).
Set your goals much higher.
Look for quality people, not "quantity" people or those who are needy or cause problems.
If you are religious, I would suggest joining a large church or at least a church with a large newlywed group. I made some good friends that way.
Other suggestions :
Volunteer with a cause that is close to your heart
Take classes in something you have always been interested in. This includes classes at a conventional school but also skills classes like cooking or even ones at Home Depot or Lowes.
Do you like politics ? Then maybe join your local Democratic / Republican / Libertarian/ Green / Tea party
You won't believe it but that is literally what happened. The drama queen gf of the friend reached out to me on fb, all stressed about the breakup. I simply told her to just relax and takes are of herself and she thanked me for being kind. Two days later the psycho sees DH and tells him I was "talking shit" to her on Facebook but the added that she "may have misunderstood" what I was trying to say. WHAT? I showed DH what I said and he told me just to mind my own business and stay out of it. I was so angry that I made one kind comment to that girl and she twisted it all around so that's the end of that. As for the bitter friend, I have tried changing the subject but no matter what, it always comes back to how angry she is that others make more money than her, or how she doesn't get how people can be okay with being in debt, etc. She told me one of her other friends ditched her for this reason last week (the girl even told her it was because of her bad attitude). If I took about work, she tells me her day is worse because she hates her job. If I talk about babies, she says she doesn't thinks he will ever have any because her life isn't together yet and she's already 35. No matter what, she poo poos it but....... She's the only person I can just chat with naturally.
This. I never get the "we're married, we need to have married friends" mentality.
What do you do for a living? Do you insist on only having friends in that same field? Probably not. If you've been out of school for 10 years, do you insist on only having friends who have been out (and therefore in the same "life phase") the same amount of time? Probably not.
But yet, we all need to have "married" friends if we're married. I truly don't get it.
I DO understand liking to have friends who also have kids in the same age range - having kids truly is a HUGE life change and being able to talk about certain issues can be nice, AND it's nice to have kids in the same age range so that they can play together.
But even then - most of my mom friends, we actually hardly talk about our kids when we're together!
On the married life board you said you are a Christian. Are you guys involved in a church ? Maybe a small group like a bible study where it is easier to make friends ? I just know that is where we made some friends.
Also please know I am not trying to be pushy and truly just want to help. I know what you mean when you say you want friends that you can more relate to and finding a small group at a large church helped.