Relationships
DianaJo89
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Mother-In-Law Plays Favorites
So, my husband and I have been together for 5 years, but we were just married in June of 2013. I had asked my mother-in-law to come with me to shop for a dress over Thanksgiving. My husband was married previously and I've gathered by comments that she wasn't liked much by my in-laws. When I asked about dress shopping with me I was told that she went the first time and we know how that turned out so it probably wasn't a good idea. Unfortunately my father-in-law became ill in February and passed away a few days before our wedding so even though I tried to include my MIL in things with my FIL being ill she wasn't able to participate. It was disappointing. My husband has one other sibling, a brother. Before our wedding was even over, my brother-in-laws girlfriend started talking about them getting married and their wedding plans. My MIL was asked to go shopping for her dress in November of this year which she happily made plans to come and do. All I hear about is what her son and girlfriend are doing for their wedding, and things that they are doing with my MIL for the wedding. I'm part of a very large family and we try to do group things together. My husband's brother and girlfriend exclude us from anything they do and only include my MIL in their plans. Yet, because they don't have a big enough space for her, when she comes to visit to spend time with them she's staying at our place. I ask about doing stuff together and my MIL's response is that the girlfriend doesn't want to "share", yet my MIL allows it to happen. I don't know what to do because it hurts my feelings the way we are excluded and I don't know what to do.
Re: Mother-In-Law Plays Favorites
On another note, OP, your SIL sounds just lovely....doesn't want to 'share'? What is she? 5?
A few thoughts. First, using you as a hotel is crappy and I would put an end to that. They want to get together w/ BIL and GF only? Good, then they can stay w/ them or get a hotel. If they want to spend time together as a family, then you'd be happy to have them stay.
However, while you see this as a 'favorites' thing, and I DO side-eye your MIL a bit here, at the same time - you can't force a relationship on someone. for whatever reason, MIL doesn't feel a bond w/ you. But she feels one w/ GF. Again, I think how she handles it is crappy. But at the same time - you seem to have a vision of everyone getting along and being one big happy family.
Well... that's not always the case. I think some of this needs to be about you adjusting your expectations too. MIL doesn't want to be close to you. You can't force her it onto her.