Second thoughts on children

krzcoupon · March 2014

I always assumed I would have children. I like children, they are wonderful and bring such blessings and joy. My husband and I, before we got married, decided we would wait to have children and we are both in our mid-twenties and one of us is still in grad school. Lately, I have been finding myself thinking about the idea of not having children. Like I said, growing up I just assumed I would have kids and now I am starting to think otherwise. ...my husband has recently whispered similar thoughts. I know some people just choose not to have kids and that okay, but I feel strange about this idea. Maybe we are having these thoughts because we aren't in the right place to have kids. Anyone else have similar thoughts?

VOR · March 2014

I'm not saying this is what's going on with you, but to be honest - I think if more people were honest with themselves, more people would actaully say "i dont want kids". It's just kind of a societal expectation that you grow up, get married, and have kids. But- I've absolutely known people that really didn't want kids but did because "that's what you're supposed to do". I think they'd be happier if they had been honest with themselves years ago.

WendyGR · March 2014

I found this book very helpful http://completewithoutkids.com/ when DH and I were talking about not having kids. We discovered we can't have them anyway (so God sort of made up our mind, but it solidified our decision to not adopt or do any treatments).

Sillygirl45 · March 2014

We're not having kids. I never really, really, really wanted them. Personally, I feel like if I had them I should really, really, really want to. I know what it takes to raise kids well and I'm not jumping up and down to put that kind of commitment into it. More power to the people who are, but I feel bad for kids who parents aren't.

I hate to see parents who seem to basically be waiting for their kids to grow up so they can be done with all this parenting stuff.

Some people think it's selfish not to have kids. I think it's pretty selfish to have them because you're "supposed to".

I have to say I've had more and more people tell me that think my choice is really smart and they wished more people would put some thought into it.

moonprincessd · March 2014

I had similar feelings and actually made a blog post about it. I finally decided I would like to have one, but it took a lot of reading and looking into the real reasons as to why I didn't want a kid, many of those reasons I realized were just because I would have regrets now, if I waited and did everything on my bucket list, then I would love to have a kid.

Anyway, here is the post I did. There's a list of books that might help you decide

http://babymoondreams.blogspot.com/2013/12/do-i-want-to-be-mom.html

Kimbus22 · March 2014

I know people who don't want children. It's not for everyone and you're not doing yourself any favors by becoming a parent when you don't want to be. It's not something anyone should do because it's expected.

I also don't think you need to make any permanent choices about it in your mid 20s. You felt differently 5 years ago, you might feel differently 5 years from now.

Sillygirl45 · March 2014

I second @Kimbus22 as well. You have plenty of time. You don't need to make any decisions right now. You may change your mind one way or the other.

R.Wilsonny · March 2014

^ I agree with this too. You are still in your 20's and a lot can change between now and 5-10 years from now. And if you decide then that you still don't want children, that is perfectly okay. I think it takes a lot of courage for a person to stand up and say 'I do not want to have children and refuse to do it just because society expects me to.' If anyone gives you grief about your decision just remember that this is your life, not theirs.

missmarissa14 · March 2014

If you choose not to have children, that is not a decision you should feel bad about....just because its "the social norm."
You need to do what is right for you and your husband's life together. Also, grad school can be stressful so you might have a lot on your plate right now and not even have time to think about children.
The good thing is since you are in your mid - twenties you still have plenty of time. I am getting married next year and my FI and I are planning on starting a family soon after. But we both REALLY want kids and have had many heart to hearts about it.
I had a friend in college who when she got married she swore up and down she would never have kids. She now has two and they are the center of her world.
Just take it easy on yourself! and take the time to make the decision that you know in your heart is truly right for you.

ReturnOfKuus · March 2014

I have similar thoughts in that I don't want to have children, but not similar in that I never really did or planned to have them.

Leftie22 · March 2014

I went through phases of wanting them and not wanting them. Eventually, things just lined up and I felt like it would be an amazing thing to have a baby. DH agreed, and we had one. But if I hadn't felt 99% enthusiastic about it, I wouldn't have started trying. It's really not right for everyone, and changes your life profoundly. Some people love and thrive on that family life (like me) and some find it stifling, limiting and boring, and would rather be free to be a family of two partners. There's nothing wrong with either one. Just take it as it comes, and don't have kids unless you feel like you really want them.

daisy662 · March 2014

Give yourself time. I had my first baby at 34 and didn't really ever have a burning desire to have a baby. I love kids though, and knew I wanted them, just never had baby fever. Now I am so glad I did and just had #2 a few months ago. Some days I think it would have been nice to stay childless, but i think most people have those days. I would just try to stop thinking about it for a year or two and then see where your head is at. Good luck!

krzcoupon · March 2014

Thank you everyone for your responses! I think missmarissa is right about having a lot on our plates right now. I will definitely give it time and just see how I feel a few years from now.

formerlyGDaisy09 · March 2014

You have plenty of time, I find myself going back and forth between "maybe I never want kids" to "OMG I want a baby right now"...thank you hormones and all the babies that are suddenly filling my facebook page!

You're young, there is no reason you need to decide on this any time soon, you probably still have 10-15 years to make-up your mind. It sounds like you and H are kind of on the same page, that's good! I know my H wants kids, like, yesterday...so my pasing thoughts of maybe I never want kids are a little scary as that would be a "deal breaker" for H.

For me I think that the times I feel like maybe i never want kids are more just me not being entirely ready for kids. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. in the event we couldn't have kids I think I could be happy being an awesome aunt and having fun with my dog.

schuette2 · April 2014

"You have plenty of time, I find myself going back and forth between "maybe I never want kids" to "OMG I want a baby right now"...thank you hormones and all the babies that are suddenly filling my facebook page!"

This. I've found it's great to play with the kids my friends have, then send them home. We talk more about getting a dog than having kids.

tigerfighter · April 2014

I am currently 26 and going through the same thing. I am in the process of a divorce and have lots of time on my hands right now so doing lots of thinking, and to be honest, I don't think I want children. I love my lifestyle and being career oriented and according to a good friend an@l retentive, which I agree is true, I have cleaned my new apartment about 4 times in my first week of being here. I am currently on depo and switching to implanon in June, and was thinking that maybe if I still feel the same when it is time to remove implanon (3 years) if I still feel the same to get the Essure. But it gives me a window of time to really consider things.

Second thoughts on children

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