Non-smokers: How do you handle inlaws who smoke when they stay in your home?

sbuemail · March 2014

This can be a touchy subject. I switch from not wanting to offend, to not caring if I do. I can smell where a smoker has sat even if they "smoked outside so that should blow it all away." It just doesn't.

So did you have the rule of no smoking during their entire stay?

Are you a non smoker who just thinks it stinks or do you have major allergic reactions?

VOR · March 2014

You can't demand they never smoke, at all. Sorry, but that's ridiculous. CLearly, you can state no smoking in your home, and even if you want - not even right outside. And if the smoke goes into their clothes, perhaps state that they need to change their clothes when they come home. But really-- it's SO not your place to say "you can't smoke at all".

sbuemail · March 2014

I can totally see that point. Thanks for your input!

moonprincessd · March 2014

Well it's your house, your rules, so I think you can say no smoking allowed, just don't expect them to come visit or be happy with you...

I'm lucky enough to have family that doesn't smoke, but if they did, I wouldn't invite them to my house at all. I can't stand the smell of smoke.

I think asking them to change their clothes before coming inside would be fair or use some sort of spray to cover it up. You could also suggest using E-cigarettes instead since they don't smell as bad.

Sillygirl45 · March 2014

They smoke outside. However, they don't smoke in their home either so their clothes aren't saturated in smoke smell. Not that big of a deal to me.

Erikan73 · March 2014

My parents handle it by just having asking guests to go outside. In the winter time they will offer the patio area which is enclosed, just not heated. It's just the polite thing to do as a smoker not to smoke in the house of a non-smoker.

Kimbus22 · March 2014

They smoke on the deck when the weather is good, the garage when it's not.

You can't tell someone they're not allowed to smoke anywhere, even outside. That's just not realistic.

TarponMonoxide · March 2014

sbuemail said:

This can be a touchy subject. I switch from not wanting to offend, to not caring if I do. I can smell where a smoker has sat even if they "smoked outside so that should blow it all away." It just doesn't.
So did you have the rule of no smoking during their entire stay?
Are you a non smoker who just thinks it stinks or do you have major allergic reactions?

It is really very simple:

Tell any and all smokers, "If you wish to smoke, please do so outside; there is a porch for your convenience."

No smokers have taken offense when I have told them that precisely -- kindly smoke outside --- it is your home and you have the right to refuse to have cigarette/cigar/pipe smoke deface and dessimate your home.

Tofumonkey · March 2014

I am normally very chilled out and would just expect people to smoke outside, but not when we had infants. I didn't want it on their clothes or in their hair and then have them around the babies for fear of cot death risk, etc. So MIL actually quit smoking before she came to stay.

Kind of a win win there, but I accept that our precautions may have been a bit overboard.

lilyleesh9 · March 2014

I'm actually experiencing this now, too. My husband and I just moved into our first home together, and his parents were over a few days after we closed. She smokes, and I'm ok with that as long as she does it outside (which is why I don't like visiting them - she smokes in her own house). What annoyed me was when we were outside the front door and she threw her cigarette butt right in the grass in front of my front door and said, "I'll pick that up later." I think that's extremely rude to just throw your cigarette butts in someone else's yard. I hate seeing cigarette butts even when I'm out in public, how much more am I going to hate seeing them in my own yard? It drives me batty!

Sillygirl45 · March 2014

lilyleesh9 said:

I'm actually experiencing this now, too. My husband and I just moved into our first home together, and his parents were over a few days after we closed. She smokes, and I'm ok with that as long as she does it outside (which is why I don't like visiting them - she smokes in her own house). What annoyed me was when we were outside the front door and she threw her cigarette butt right in the grass in front of my front door and said, "I'll pick that up later." I think that's extremely rude to just throw your cigarette butts in someone else's yard. I hate seeing cigarette butts even when I'm out in public, how much more am I going to hate seeing them in my own yard? It drives me batty!

I would have a mini stroke! I bought one of those ashtrays that fits in the cup holder of a car. I stash it in the garage most the time and bring it out if there is a smoker over. It's plastic and has just a small hole for the butts to go into. I think it's looks a little less disgusting than a regular ashtray.

jtmh2012 · March 2014

lilyleesh9 said:

What annoyed me was when we were outside the front door and she threw her cigarette butt right in the grass in front of my front door and said, "I'll pick that up later." I think that's extremely rude to just throw your cigarette butts in someone else's yard. I hate seeing cigarette butts even when I'm out in public, how much more am I going to hate seeing them in my own yard? It drives me batty!

Pick it up and toss it in her car/purse and say "I'll pick that up later"

formerlyGDaisy09 · March 2014

Annedotal story, my workplace does not allow smoking anywhere on the property (hundreds of acres) the only place employees are allowed to smoke is in their car with the windows rolled up. as a non-smoker who is sensitive to smoke it is VERY nice. and given the body of evidence that second and third hand smoke cause adverse health outcomes the smokers I know are okay with the policy and most wear nicotine patches while at work, they've learned to adapt.

I have friends who are smokers, when they come to my house they use e-cigarettes.

as a public health and health research professional there is clear evidence that smoking (first hand, second hand and third hand) is linked to many advers health events (cancer, COPD, CHF, asthma...) I don't see anything wrong with banning it from your home or property. you would need to help your inlaws understand your reasons, but given that there are legitimate concerns for your health and the health of any children (you didn't say if there are kids) I wouldn't see a problem with it.

third hand smoke is smoke that is absorbed into fabrics and other soft surfaces that has been linked to adverse outcomes in children (asthma) and has biologic plausability for causing adverse events in adults.

Wahoo · April 2014

I don't allow smoking in my house. Fortunately, we have a covered screened-in porch if someone wants to go outside. There is no heat in the winter, but it's only for a few minutes. I have two ashtrays just in case.

I think smoking is disgusting, and I don't want smoke around my kids (not mention the smell)!

catmiss9 · April 2014

We don't allow smoking in our house. We do provide an ashtray for smoking on the back patio. We haven't had too many issues. Unfortunately, my ILs are such heavy smokers that our house smells like smoke when they visit. From their clothes and luggage.

Sillygirl45 · April 2014

Gdaisy09 said:

Annedotal story, my workplace does not allow smoking anywhere on the property (hundreds of acres) the only place employees are allowed to smoke is in their car with the windows rolled up. as a non-smoker who is sensitive to smoke it is VERY nice. and given the body of evidence that second and third hand smoke cause adverse health outcomes the smokers I know are okay with the policy and most wear nicotine patches while at work, they've learned to adapt.

I have friends who are smokers, when they come to my house they use e-cigarettes.

as a public health and health research professional there is clear evidence that smoking (first hand, second hand and third hand) is linked to many advers health events (cancer, COPD, CHF, asthma...) I don't see anything wrong with banning it from your home or property. you would need to help your inlaws understand your reasons, but given that there are legitimate concerns for your health and the health of any children (you didn't say if there are kids) I wouldn't see a problem with it.

third hand smoke is smoke that is absorbed into fabrics and other soft surfaces that has been linked to adverse outcomes in children (asthma) and has biologic plausability for causing adverse events in adults.

@Gdaisy09, I love reading your well informed responses. I do have a related question. I'm not familiar with e-cigarettes and wonder what your (or anyone else's) take is on them. I have a feeling they will end up being proven to not be much better than traditional cigarettes (I just wonder with the chemicals in the vapor etc...). Thoughts? Knowledge? Just wondering if anyone has any good research out there.

ETA- I would guess the second hand won't be as bad because it doesn't travel as far, but who knows!

TarponMonoxide · April 2014

As I said, tell them they can kindly step outside to smoke.

Why should you smell their leftover smoke, inhale their leftover smoke and have it pollute and permeate everything in your home?

Going outside for 5 minutes is not much to request.

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2014

Sillygirl45 said:

Gdaisy09 said:

Annedotal story, my workplace does not allow smoking anywhere on the property (hundreds of acres) the only place employees are allowed to smoke is in their car with the windows rolled up. as a non-smoker who is sensitive to smoke it is VERY nice. and given the body of evidence that second and third hand smoke cause adverse health outcomes the smokers I know are okay with the policy and most wear nicotine patches while at work, they've learned to adapt.

I have friends who are smokers, when they come to my house they use e-cigarettes.

as a public health and health research professional there is clear evidence that smoking (first hand, second hand and third hand) is linked to many advers health events (cancer, COPD, CHF, asthma...) I don't see anything wrong with banning it from your home or property. you would need to help your inlaws understand your reasons, but given that there are legitimate concerns for your health and the health of any children (you didn't say if there are kids) I wouldn't see a problem with it.

third hand smoke is smoke that is absorbed into fabrics and other soft surfaces that has been linked to adverse outcomes in children (asthma) and has biologic plausability for causing adverse events in adults.

@Gdaisy09, I love reading your well informed responses. I do have a related question. I'm not familiar with e-cigarettes and wonder what your (or anyone else's) take is on them. I have a feeling they will end up being proven to not be much better than traditional cigarettes (I just wonder with the chemicals in the vapor etc...). Thoughts? Knowledge? Just wondering if anyone has any good research out there.

ETA- I would guess the second hand won't be as bad because it doesn't travel as far, but who knows!

Thank you! I worked for a few years doing research related to showing adult smokers who spend time around children how much smoke (through second and third hand smoke) they were inadvertantly exposing their children or grandchildren to. Even people who didn't smoke in the house or didn't smoke in the car with children in it expose the kids they're around to much more smoke than they think they do, because of what gets embedded in fabrics.

a quick pubmed search reveals that at least one group has studied the second hand "smoke" from an e-cigarette compared to a regular cigarette and found the "particulate matter" concentration from e-cigarettes to be lower than regular cigarettes (i.e. less "stuff") all this means is that they generate less indoor pollutants...doesn't mean that the chemical content of that smoke is safer. I also found a report on data from the CDC and poison control on calls reporting exposure (usually of children) to nicotine products (cigarettes or the nicotine containing canisters from e-cigarettes), as of February of this year calls related to e-cigarettes had a 58% chance of associated adverse events while exposure to conventional cigarettes had a 33% chance.

I think an important thing to note here is that e-cigarettes are not regulated by the FDA, cigarettes are, so it is possible that the chemical content of the e-cigarettes varries widely between brands, this also means there is no oversight on what might be in those cigarettes and therefore what might be in the second hand smoke. When I was working on the smoking project I spent a lot of time working with nicotine, and it is probably one of the scariest chemicals I've worked with. whenever I had to do anything with it, even when it was diluted I wore all the safety gear I could get my hands on...thick lab coat, double gloves, extra eye protection...I was even more careful when I had to work with pure nicotine (one drop could kill you). If I had curious kids or pets I'd be extremely worried about anyone visiting my house with their e-cigarette (as in overnight visitors who might have an extra cartridge on them), as most e-cigarettes contain more pure nicotine in the cartridges than a conventional cigarette would.

Jae179 · May 2014

Agreed

Non-smokers: How do you handle inlaws who smoke when they stay in your home?

Re: Non-smokers: How do you handle inlaws who smoke when they stay in your home?

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