December Phantom due date

lindsayandjamie · March 2014

So as we enter the phantom due dates of the month of December, I'm wondering people's opinion.

I know we all just want a baby and it doesn't matter when the baby is born, but I'm wondering what December birthday girls think about their December bday?

Maybe it's because my heart is just not into this cycle, but I'm contemplating sitting it out and I'm just curious.

Thoughts? Opinions?

amandaf6383 · March 2014

Honestly, when we first started TTC, I was all about planning the "perfect" due dates. But now I would take anyyyyyyyyyy month.

BackseatDriver · March 2014

I have a summer birthday, but growing up I was always jealous of my cousin's early Jan birthday. None of our extended family was around to celebrate my birthday. I got cards and some money usually, but it wasn't the same experience. My cousin had all of our family there and everyone made a point to get him separate birthday gifts. Plus in the summer there was no school party. I think December birthdays can be fine as long as you make sure they are special. Resist the urge to get a big combined gift because that is not the same and two separate things for two separate events.

Good luck!

BruinsBabe33 · March 2014

I never really thought about what month I was born in. I'm confused by your question.

lindsayandjamie · March 2014

I am just wondering if people born in December feel like they get the shaft because they have to celebrate when everyone is focused on Xmas and parties etc. My MIL is Jan 4 and everyone always forgets her birthday, so I'm curious about those people who actually have Dec bdays and if they feel like they get lost in the shuffle.

cinderin · March 2014

I am born on Christmas Day. There are advantages and disadvantages.

When dh and I started TTC we did it because we were ready. I didnt even look up potential due dates.

lindsayandjamie · March 2014

@cinderin I totally agree, and was of the same opinion. I'm just feeling a bit scared after this second loss and not sure if I should hold off and wait a cycle or just go for it knowing it doesn't guarantee conception or really matter when a baby is born. What were your pros/cons out of curiusity?

BackseatDriver · March 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. Medically I don't know what the recommendations are after a loss, but I think it is okay to wait a cycle if you aren't emotionally ready. I wouldn't use a potential December due date as the reason to delay, but if waiting feels right to you I think that is reason enough.

cinderin · March 2014

Advantages:

* Always together with family on my BD

* Always have the day off/never have to be in the office on my BD

* As a kid I felt kind of "special" for having a holiday BD (my mom always said I was her favorite Christmas present, they brought me home from the hospital in a stocking)

* We have cake on Christmas every year :-)

Disadvantages:

* Some years I am cooking for my ILs on my BD
* Other kids are busy/hard to have a BD Party

* Where I grew up (Seattle) the weather is crappy, so it limits BD party options (but this would be true for any BD October through April)

* I don't get the sort of "me" day (on my BD) that some might get (where I do whatever I want on that day) but often we pick a Saturday around my BD and I get to pick a restaurant and movie (or something else I want to do) and we do it in honor of my BD

* As a kid, there was really only one time of year that I got presents, so if I wanted something special it was a long wait (as opposed to someone with a June BD, but this would be true for anyone with a BD in the Nov - Jan time)

I am sure there are more, I am just not thinking of them now.

BackseatDriver · March 2014

In terms of having a child around Christmas having your whole family in town can be both a blessing and a curse. I also ran into some issues because I needed to see a lactation consultant, but had to wait until after the new year- a long couple weeks.

But DH automatically had a week off of work so he had some free extra time at home. And there are often lots of good sales for buying gifts.

callitcompulsive · March 2014

I'm not much help (like usual, lol) but I work with a lady that was born December 26th. Her rules are: no birthday gifts wrapped in Xmas paper and no cakes/cookies Xmas themed. I guess her parents did that to her when she was a kid.

I think as long as you make a conscious effort separating the two you'll be fine. GL with whatever you guys decide

LuckyAngel07 · March 2014

My birthday is actually July 4, so not Christmas with all its associated hoopla and gift giving, but a lot of the "holiday birthday" pros and cons are similar.

DH, his brother, and my niece were all born at the end of November; DH's youngest nephew was born a couple of days after Christmas. Everyone makes a point of getting a separate birthday and Christmas gift (rather than, say, doubling up the amount they'd spend on a gift card for one or the other).

It probably takes more planning (financially) to be able to make both celebrations whole and separate, but people have been making it work forever, so I wouldn't bee too worried about it. If you're not emotionally ready to try again right now, then don't. It's a difficult place to be in emotionally. I'm so sorry.

zamboni00 · March 2014

H's bday is Dec 24, and like @callitcompulsive's coworker, he only asks that gifts are wrapped appropriately (not even that they are separate- his folks have often given him one gift with half Xmas and half bday wrapping paper). His family always let him choose his birthday dinner, and growing up, it was his day.

Now that he is older, There is really only one tradition left. His sister takes him out to do last minute 'shopping', which is actually a trip to the ABC store, followed with birthday cocktails.

Like the others, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I think it's completely understandable if you need a break to heal and regroup, regardless of the time of year.

Apollo11235 · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're having a hard time. It kind of sounds like you want to take a break and are looking for a reason. If you think that might be the case, definitely take the month off.

That said, my birthday is on Thanksgiving every 6-8 years. Not December, but part of the holiday season. As a kid, I loved it. I told everyone for years about the turkey ice cream cake my parents got me one year (when it was on the actual day) that said "Happy Birthday Turkey! Apollo!" Now, it means that I often don't get any kind of "party," as I am rarely with friends for my birthday. BUT I do get to see family for my birthday, which is nice because we don't live near them.

nfp147 · March 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. You should not feel bad/guilty about wanting to take a cycle off.

My Mom is a New Year's Day baby and not only is it really tough to come up with a gift a week after having to come up with a birthday gift, she also kind of gets lost in the shuffle. She claimed a few years ago that she was going to change her birthday to July, but that never caught on.

brij2006 · March 2014

My mom's birthday is December 16th, and she enjoys it then. Usually some family is home and can celebrate her birthday. If it were other times of the year, they wouldn't make the trip back. We also do a separate cake/dinner for her birthday. Most years our big family Christmas falls on her birthday, and she likes that she gets a birthday cake at that event with 100 other family members.

However, when H and I decided to start TTC, we planned it around having our child Aug-Dec so we would only have 1 insurance deductible. Yes, I'm cheap like that. But once we started having problems and got pregnant with a due date of June, I didn't give a crap about having to pay 2 deductibles.

Honestly though, if you feel that taking a cycle off will be beneficial for you mentally, then please do so. We were so thankful we took a couple of months off after our loss. Not because we didn't want to get pregnant again, but because it took us that long to get our heads straight again.

LooneyLife · March 2014

EDDs definitely cross my mind each month and challenges that would come with them. If we get pregnant this upcoming FET, the EDD would be Jan 1. Not my ideal date because of the holidays but also because it's winter and difficult to arrange for our family to travel for future birthday parties. But I'm at a point where I wouldn't schedule around it.

If you're not ready, then by all means take a month off. You need time to recover physically and mentally.

RockABye · March 2014

My bday is Christmas Eve. I love it that way. I think birthdays are kinda silly and don't like the attention so it's nice that people forget it.. but that's just me. We always did/do a small family thing after the Christmas Eve service, I felt special, and that's perfect for me. As a little kid, I'd either have a party in June on my 1/2 bday or would just do one in November some time. I probably had maybe 5 or 6 birthday parties total? Birthdays weren't ever a big deal in my family though.. My parents always have made it a point to get me a bday present (in bday wrapping paper) along with christmas. I did get a lot of "happy bday and Christmas!!" but it never bothered me. I've never cared to worry about due dates. I'd take kids on ANY day of the year!

RockABye · March 2014

cinderin said:

Advantages:
* As a kid I felt kind of "special" for having a holiday BD (my mom always said I was her favorite Christmas present, they brought me home from the hospital in a stocking)

I was brought home in a stocking too! When I was little, I used to try and convince everyone to let me use that one as my Christmas stocking since it was so big

Never worked for me lol..

Sewilson33 · March 2014

In my family, Birthday are a huge deal. We have 5 Birthdays in one month and every single person that month gets their own dinner and own cake. I guess it depends on how the family celebrates to really decide if the child would end up being "forgotten" or not.
IMO I don't care about phantom due dates. Right now IF I got PG but due date would be 11/18 right before Thanksgiving or next month it would be a weeek before Christmas. Either way I know I'd never not celebrate my child's bday and our families would still celebrate with the usual party.

lindsayandjamie · March 2014

@nfp147 - that is exactly how it is for my MIL. She is always an afterthought - especially when she is from a family of all males. I make a special effort every year now to do something for her, but I just feel bad that she gets forgotten in the holiday hangover.

And for everyone else, thank you for all your input. I have always considered phatom due dates, but I recognize not everyone does. And although I consider them, it is not because it would affect my decision to try, but more because I am a bit obsessive and love to know what it would be.

The truth is, I'm feeling a bit gun shy to TTC again because having another loss would be really difficult to handle....but I know that waiting a month or a year isn't going to lessen that. The excitement of a BFP is pretty much gone (if we are lucky enough to get another one) until we know it is viable.

(BR) If I were looking for an excuse not to try again, I would be able to give myself a pass on Jan to March phatom EDD too. In those three months, we have the following bdays/events: MIL, DH, our anniversary, my brother, V-day, DS, me, my SIL, and my dad.

We don't celebrate everyone independently because it's impossible. We do try to give DS his own special celebration because I feel birthdays are important, but his is the day before mine, so I end up getting forgotten. Which is fine because I'm an adult, but I feel guilty he has a birthday during such a busy time.

All this to say, I just wanted to know from people with December birthdays how they felt about their birthday during such a busy month. And it sounds like overall positive experiences, and that what is important is that you were made to feel special.

PS - Thanks for all your thoughts. I'm doing okay. I had a glass of wine last night to mark getting my negative beta, which is probably what spawned this post - wine makes me overthink. We will play this cycle by ear, and likely just NNT this month. No OPKs, just temping so I know when to expect AF.

sgautschi · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

((Hugs))

cloudymeatballs · March 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. xoxo

VadersValkyrie · March 2014

I am an early December birthday. When I was little, it was AWESOME because I got really big gifts that were "combination" (like a bike, or a doll house). Then I hit my tweens and teens and then my combination gift was, like, a book. I love books, but this felt like I was getting the shaft. Birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper are a BIG no-no, and in my family we don't even do Christmas decorations until after we've celebrated my birthday.

I know this sounds super-self-centered, but everyone deserves their special day, and not to have it mooshed in with something else.

Nicklet1081 · March 2014

I am also born in December, and I would say that the only problem I had was my birthday parties were often postponed when I was little because of bad weather. I also go by the rule of no Christmas wrapping paper for birthdays.

Otherwise, everything else is the same.

ILoveRedVino · March 2014

Obviously a due date isn't going to hold me back at this point, but I've always wanted a summer or fall baby.

aggiebug · March 2014

I am sorry for your loss :-( we are hoping to avoid this Christmas because H graduates in Dec so he doesn't want to be pulled in 3 different directions. We also have a ton of family b-day (min included from late Nov- Jan so it's a tough time a year in some respects.

As an early Dec baby there were times I wished for b-day other times of the year but I can't complain to much. My biggest peeve was Christmas ornaments for my birthday. My birthday is not Christmas!

December Phantom due date

Re: December Phantom due date

Choose Another Board

Search Boards