Growing a backbone....

Re: Growing a backbone....

• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  MrsDcamacho said:

  Ok well I have been trying to stand up to people and today's challenge was my MIL....
  After years of being insulted,accused of trying to hurt my husband I finally had enough and sent her this message.
  "Until we can all get along & respect each other we will not be going to famil gaterings or back to your home. I don't appreciate how you've treated me and undermined me as a wife".
  
  I'm not sure this will work but I think its a good start,what are ya'lls thoughts? My husband has been talking to her as well but when the tears and excuses start...oy vey
  
  p.s I have resolved the issues of the previous posts
  
  

  I think it sounds good, but if your H isn't going to get on board...well... You know what comes next...you have an H problem.

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• MrsDcamacho member

  

  March 2014

  No he's been the one talking to her this whole time. I didn't want to come between them,wanted to be a good wife all that jazz. I just finally had enough today. I think its time to fight my own battles again
  

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  MrsDcamacho said:

  No he's been the one talking to her this whole time. I didn't want to come between them,wanted to be a good wife all that jazz. I just finally had enough today. I think its time to fight my own battles again
  

  I get what you're saying. It's just not going to have any teeth if he doesn't stick with it too. You're saying "we" won't be coming to family gatherings...that indicates both of you. 

  
  

  You may just not be able to change how she treats you. What is your end game? What is your H's end game? Will he just see her without you? Are you ok with that? Will the two of you really cut her out of your lives all together? Is he on board with that? 

  
  

  I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't do...just something to think about. Some people are fine with not having a relationship with IL's while their spouse still does. Some aren't. What happens if kids come into the picture? Is it ok for her to have a relationship with them? 

  
  

  Just some things to think about. 

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• VOR member

  

  March 2014

  Here's the thing- you aren't going to get her to change by TELLING her to change. She will only change if you actually follow through w action. Meaning - DON'T go over to her house. Meaning - don't succumb to the guilt trips. And be careful about throwing down threats if you don't know if your DH will do the same. You say stuff like "we won't come over" but then if you still actually go over.... well, you're just showing her that your threats mean nothing and all she needs to do is ramp up the guilt and tears.

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  March 2014

  MrsDcamacho said:

  No he's been the one talking to her this whole time. I didn't want to come between them,wanted to be a good wife all that jazz. I just finally had enough today. I think its time to fight my own battles again
  

  Nope....that is where you've got the dynamic wrong, my friend!
  
  HE needs to tell his mother to fook a hole in a donut and take YOUR side in this one.
  
  Your H is the bigger problem here.
  
  And she cries? Bully to her and toughest of tit to her, too. Let her cry.
  

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