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torn between families
Neither my fiancé or myself are hugely religious, however he’s Jewish and I’m Catholic and both of our families have strong opinions about the holidays and their own traditions. Last week, my fiancés mother informed us that they would be getting together for Passover on Easter Sunday, and while she didn’t guilt me herself by saying she wanted us there, she said the rest of the family was looking forward to seeing us prior to the wedding... Easter holds a great deal of importance to my grandmother, who is rapidly deteriorating, and I know she would be extremely upset if we weren’t there. Attending both isn’t an option as they live 3.5 hours apart. It seems every year this occurs on a major holiday, last year with Hanukah being on Thanksgiving and the year before with Hanukah on Christmas. In years past, we’ve either gone to one family or the other, or each gone to our own respective families gathering, which doesn’t feel right.
I know my “problem” isn’t uncommon, I was simply wondering how other people have handled similar situations.
Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Re: torn between families
Ultimately, you and your fiancé are going to have to come up with a plan to deal with these kinds of situations and I would say sooner rather than later because this is going to keep coming up. Remember, you guys are starting your own family unit so you need to do what's best for you. GL
Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Eleanor Roosevelt
You both (especially H) need to stand firm. You had already made a commitment to celebrate Easter on Easter Sunday.
As for any religious Holiday (Christmas) conflicting with another or a national holiday (Thanksgiving) you need to be proactive. Decide who you spend that day with in advance. You and your H are a family unit. You do what's best for you. You decide who to spend time with and when.
This is what it boils down to. You need to stop responding to the efforts at guilt. EVERY couple deals w/ this on some level. of course their families are going to want them to spend the holidays with them. But it's clearly not always possible.
Stop reacting to "but we want the WHOLE FAMILY together". Well, of course they do. But in your situation, if it were really THAT important, they would have made a point to pick a date that was NOT Easter to do so. They know you're Christian. There are other dates they could have picked.
You misunderstand my post. If the holidays do not fall on the same day, then the husbands family should respect her family's holiday and choose a different day to celebrate. I still don't understand why they don't celebrate the Jewish holiday on the actual day. If the holidays fall on the same day, then OP needs to come to a compromise with her DH.
Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Good luck.