Stepdaughter treats my DH like scum

Re: Stepdaughter treats my DH like scum

• spikeinc member

  

  March 2014

  You may be frustrated but this is not your child. Teenagers are often volatile and ungrateful. It comes with the territory. Instead of texting, your H should be calling her. He should suggest they go to counseling together to try and establish a better relationship. She may not be ready for that now but he should never close the door on that and always let her know he loves her and wants them to work out their issues. You, as the stepparent, should encourage him to be there for his daughter no matter what and encourage him to get into counseling to work out the best way to show her love despite her current angry demeanor. Texting does not show love, actions do and perhaps his daughter is feeling that. It bothers me that you are more concerned about your H being upset than you are about helping to fix their relationship.

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  She's 17. Give her a break. It's time someone worry about the child in this situation instead of the dynamics among the adults.

  
  

  Let go of the ex #1 and ex #2 thing. Ex #2 didn't cheat on SD. SD doesn't need to know this information or accept it. It has nothing to do with her or her relationship with ex #2.

  
  

  It's wrong of any party to drag their kid into their divorce. Even if SD asked, there are some things it is ok for a parent to say, "I'm not going to discuss that. It's between ex #2 and me. It has nothing to do with you and ex #2 and I love you very much." If the other ex's discuss it with her, that's beyond anyone's control. All you can control is how you handle the situation. Beyond that, it's been 8 years since they divorced...let it go! 

  
  

  Your husband needs to start acting like a dad and take the lead in this relationship. He needed to take SD to counseling to work on this two years ago when this "rocky relationship" started and she was 15. Kids need to know they have unconditional love from their parents. Especially a girl and her dad. He should have been going to the ends of the earth to maintain a relationship with her.

  
  

  She probably feels she isn't important enough for him to really make an effort to stay in her life and is building resentment that is going to be very hard to get past if he does decide to start making a real effort.

  
  

  You invite her to dinner, she says "no thanks.". Did H CALL her and ask her why? Or what day would work better? She says to stop stalking her and he's making her uncomfortable...Did he CALL her and ask her why she would say that and what she meant? Has he tried to get to the bottom of why they've had a strained relationship for the past two years, or did he just let that go too?

  
  

  They need counseling. You need to cut her some slack. Are you worried about her at all, or just that H is upset?

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  Your post 9/2013: 

  
  

  My FI used to be a reporter and anchorman in a major city. He also used to do radio as well. Well, we visited that city over Labor Day Weekend and he had women calling because they knew he was in town. Yes, annoying. Drunken texts by them soon ensued. Then last night a girl he used to date texts. I know he isn't doing anything, it's just effin annoying to always be having women stupidly call and text. Grrrr! 

  
  

  Your post 10/2013:

  
  

  So my (soon to be former) fiance got a new ipad.  He downloaded a bunch of cool apps including Craigslist.  I knew his log-on since we don't hide things from each other and are totally open (so I thought). Yesterday I tried logging on to his CL account and lo and behold the password has changed along with his email password.  He also has other email accounts he supposedly doesn't use.  I had to work 12 hours yesterday and when I came home yesterday he had cleaned the house, fixed a few things, and made a candlelight dinner.  He's never done this and my gut told me he was overcompensating for something bad. I snooped in his iPad and found his internet history.  Full of St. Louis (where we live) and Los Angeles CL ads he's checked out.  They were for m4t, and dom/sub girls in our area!!!!!  I don't know if he has an ad out or has responded but I was sickened!!!!!  To me this is cheating!!!!! He woke up this morning screaming about our puppy waking him up and said he wanted to get rid of her.  I want him gone now but I have a few hurdles and need help on how to overcome them.  The first being we're going on a trip to see my best friend in Maine tomorrow via plane.  If I could get his money back for the flight I paid for I'd do it in a heartbeat! The second is we live together.  Right now he doesn't work or do anything except troll for men and women.  If I kick him out (which is my plan) I don't know where he'd go or what to do if he won't move.  I don't want any criticizing, just help please:)

  
  

  Oh FFS, please tell me you didn't marry this asshole. No wonder his daughter is uncomfortable with him. He's a creep. 

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  jlteach78 said:

  I feel I have no other outlet to vent my frustrations. My stepdaughter is 17 and is heavily influenced by her mother and DH's ex#2. Ex #1 and two are VERY close friends. Ex #2 cheated on my DH 8 years ago so he divorced her. To this day she denies it to my SD. SD thinks the sun rises and sets on #2's behind. SD always believed #2. DH and my SD have had a strained relationship for about 2 years now. My SD still sees #2 on a regular basis. My SD contacted my DH via text in December wanting a relationship again so we had her over for dinner. Things went great! We saw her over Christmas and DH and SD continued to text. He would send her texts saying "Dad loves you" a lot. She recently went to a dance competition out of state and he'd text her good luck texts. The competition posted updates on teams online. All of a sudden she quits responding for weeks to DH's texts. A month ago she texts my DH "Stop stalking me, I feel very uncomfortable with our relationship". So he left her alone. The other day we invite her to dinner and she was soooo rude to my DH telling him "Um, yea, no thanks". I'm sick of her feeling like she can float in and out of his life and treats him like crap! Anyone dealt with a teenage SD that comes and goes out of her fathers life like this? I am so angry at her because I hate seeing him so upset:(

  Just in case...

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• Sillygirl45 member

  

  March 2014

  If this is the same guy, I take back my previous advice. He's a perv and she probably figured that out at some point. No wonder she wants nothing to do with him. Can you honestly blame her? Or ex #1 and #2?

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  She treats her father like scum?
  
  He is the bigger problem.
  
  
  The only thing I can suggest: that he tell his daughter to quit the rancor and resentment -- and a backbone for your H.
  

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• ReturnOfKuus member

  

  March 2014

  I am wondering if ex #2 is really all that bad, too.  Maybe she didn't cheat at all, or maybe she got fed up with his slimy cheating ways and did whatever the hell she wanted.  In either case, this guy is not a prize.  Why did you marry him when so recently you wanted him out?
  

  

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• chiualover member

  

  March 2014

  ReturnOfKuus said:

  I am wondering if ex #2 is really all that bad, too.  Maybe she didn't cheat at all, or maybe she got fed up with his slimy cheating ways and did whatever the hell she wanted.  In either case, this guy is not a prize.  Why did you marry him when so recently you wanted him out?
  

  Yep, all of this.
  

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