Family Matters
daisy662
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL's creepy bf
My MIL has this bf that from day one I just didn't get a good feel about. They have been dating about a year. Initially it was just a gut feel but now some things have happened that have validated my instincts. I would love your opinions if I am being overprotective. I have 2 kids, a boy 20 months and a girl 3 months. He is a little too interested in my son. He won't leave him alone, always playing with him even when I am in the middle of something with him. Examples - twice now he has tried to take him out of his high chair in the middle of dinner and after we tell him not to. On my sons first bday after the cake smash and he was a total mess, I was giving him a bath and the bf came in the bathroom and said "I gotta see this". Meaning watching me bathe him. Last week I took my son to change his diaper and get him in his pj's and the bf followed me in to the bedroom to in his words "mess with him while you're changing him". On both of these occasions I made it clear that he should leave by saying "we'll be out in a few minutes". And not undressing my son until he finally left. For what it's worth, he and my MIL are nudists and swingers. He has recently moved in with MIL and I do not feel comfortable with them babysitting my kids which she suggests about once a month. I always come up with an excuse so they never do. Am I overreacting? I hope he is just a nice man taking an interest in my kid, but these incidents seem creepy to me. It doesn't help that I am not a fan of my MIL... My H thinks he's just a weird guy. He doesn't like him either but feels as though his mom would never do anything to harm our kids. I agree with this, but she trusts and loves this man. What if she just runs to the store and leaves my son with him? Sorry about the big long paragraph, I don't know how to format on my iPad.
Re: MIL's creepy bf
Always, always, ALWAYS trust your instincts. This is not about what is or isn't fair, this is about doing what you feel is best for your children. If you do not feel comfortable with your MIL and her BF watching your children, then guess what? They don't get to watch them. If this were someone that wasn't family offering to watch your kids and you felt uncomfortable, you wouldn't let them. So just because this is your MIL doesn't give her a pass if you don't feel comfortable. Strange lifestyle aside, her BF sounds creepy and weird. If it were me, I wouldn't let them around my kids either. Go with your gut. And btw, I would flat out ask your H what is more important - your feelings and the safety of your kids or his mother's feelings?
I did a while back. Didn't find anything...
Thank you for your response. Yes, this crossed my mind as well.
Trust your gut!
Your MIL does not have a "right" to equal time with the grandkids. She just doesn't. My ILS never spent alone time with my kids - FIL has altzheimer's and MIL was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. No way would they supervise my children! Thankfully, DH was on the same page with me on that one.
If your MIL wants more time with your children, there is nothing stopping her from coming over to your house - while you are there. Or while your H is there.
If push comes to shove, you can always be blunt with her and tell her the truth - you think her boyfriend is creepy and will not leave your child in his care under any circumstances. Not even if she is also there. Predators are often very manipulative and good at hiding their true selves, so if he is a bad guy, he could have MIL completely fooled.
(Playing Devil's advocate - there may be a million reasons BF is more "interested" in your son, because he feels more comfortable with boys, because he knows that taboos about older men and young girls. BUT......you still need to trust your momma instincts).