Relationships
BriJohns11
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this a deal-breaker?
I've been with my boyfriend for a while and we get along so well, but there is one thing that is bugging me (especially right now because he JUST did it):
We live in different towns while we got to school and when he comes to visit we'll make plans to do something on my side of town or with my family, he will cancel at the last second. Today, we had plans to go to a fancy dinner after i got out of class, and he was supposed to come to my house around 3:30. I've been calling him since 2 and find out he is still sleeping around 3:45. When i finally get to talk to him on the phone he says it's too cold out and he just doesn't feel like coming over. He also said he didn't want to ride the bus, but I ride the bus over to his mom's house all the time when he is there.
I tried talking to him about why I was upset, but he just kept downplaying it and saying we could go out to eat tomorrow. He didn't understand how frustrating it is to make plans (and have him promise THAT MORNING he was coming at 3:30) just to have him change his mind.
I don't want to be with someone who is unreliable, but we are very much in love. Thoughts?
We live in different towns while we got to school and when he comes to visit we'll make plans to do something on my side of town or with my family, he will cancel at the last second. Today, we had plans to go to a fancy dinner after i got out of class, and he was supposed to come to my house around 3:30. I've been calling him since 2 and find out he is still sleeping around 3:45. When i finally get to talk to him on the phone he says it's too cold out and he just doesn't feel like coming over. He also said he didn't want to ride the bus, but I ride the bus over to his mom's house all the time when he is there.
I tried talking to him about why I was upset, but he just kept downplaying it and saying we could go out to eat tomorrow. He didn't understand how frustrating it is to make plans (and have him promise THAT MORNING he was coming at 3:30) just to have him change his mind.
I don't want to be with someone who is unreliable, but we are very much in love. Thoughts?
Re: Is this a deal-breaker?
It can't be stressed enough- ACTIONS speak louder than words.
Don't delude yourself with this "we're in LOVE!" when maybe that's really not whats going on here. Don't try to force a square peg into a round hold if he's really not SHOWING you that he loves you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sounds like this relationship is over. He sounds like a slug, anyways. You don't need this kind of treatment.
Ask yourself an honest question, if he never changes can you be able to live with that for the rest of your life. I'd hate to hear you guys divorced because he wouldn't go to dinner with you or because it's too cold.
Not sure if deal breaker, it depends on how often he has done it. But at the very least, red flag. Since he is in school, is this just something that started this semester & if so, what is his class load like? Is it heavier then usual? I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but trying to look at the big picture of things since you say you are so in love. But I would start looking at what is the quality of the time you do get to spend together. Only you can determine what is a deal breaker for you, but like I said, at the very least there is a big red flag that something is wrong.