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My WTF is a novel...
Too much for the WTF post... but this is one big WTF to EX
Let's start with the Shoe Scandal of 2014:
Ex texted H Monday about MIL buying the kids shoes. We didn't know about that, but um... ok? Sorry? Ex then said she was going to buy them shoes, but she went out and with 4 kids it was too much + grocery shopping. Later, H talked to MIL and she said she didn't want to start drama, but the reason she got Ryan shoes was because his had 2 big holes in them!!! WTF!? And she couldn't get one shoes and not the other. There's 2 other adults in that house, they watch the kids that don't need shoes and you take the ones that do. Oh but, there was time to plan the 3rd kid's bday party Sunday. Maybe it's because Ryan has autism and don't complain it's freezing out, wet and snowy and his shoes HAVE FREAKING HOLES IN THEM!
But this spins H into a mood - do we give her enough money, am I a good dad, am I doing enough, etc. I reminded him, they might be tight from moving, but that's not his fault. If she did her taxes, they got at least 4K back from child tax credit, but if he wanted to give her more we can. Honestly, I'd rather buy things like shoes, then give her more money. My dad told him before, his money is to help support his 2 kids, not support the family of 7 they got going on.
This is also a WTF Lilly's School - Then last night, Ex calls saying Lilly's school once again is pushing to classify Lilly as austic. Lilly is not austic, if they are confused, we can bring in Ryan. Every year they do this, Ex takes her to the doctor, who won't test her because she does not has autism. She's doing better this year, finally at reading level and seems to be doing ok. Oh - an indictor they put down was she eats a lot of mustard. Well, hell then I'm autistic. I love me some mustard! I guess she's in a phase where she wants only mustard sandwich. Um, that's being a kid, not autism. My sister only ate ketchup and cheese sandwiches. Jeff said he ate only ketchup...
Jeff asked ex if he can call the school to talk to them- No, you're not on the list. He asked to be put on the list, and she said no, she didn't want him to look better than her. WTF! Seriously?! Really?! Then he suggested we could take Lilly for next school year and see what happens. "No, I'm the only thing consistent in her life". Um, no your not. And he would be more consistent other than just visiting - IF YOU WOULD LET HIM! And this isn't about YOU it's about YOUR DAUGHTER! He finally told her he didn't know what to do unless she untied his hands. I was so proud of him. I know she just wants a pity party, sorry Jeff wants to find actual solutions.
Sorry, after 2 nights of drama, I needed to vent that out... I hate having to pick Jeff up after every interaction with her. He's a good dad, he tries so hard to do the best he can for this situation. Once things settle, I'm going to put going to court back on the table to see if he's ready.
Re: My WTF is a novel...
Second of all, how could Ex allow your stepson to go with shoes with holes in them? I've had a few students with holes in their shoes. Their parents are the ones who are absent/don't pay attention. I am sure your H is sending more than enough to support HIS children. Just because Ex went out had opened her legs for other men doesn't mean your H needs to support them too. Time for Ex to go after baby daddies.
If your H feels the children need more, I agree that you should send those items, not more money. Clearly, the money won't go toward them.
If your H is a custodial parent in any way, Ex can't keep the school from giving him information. If he's not on the "list", have your H fax a copy of custody paperwork to the school. The have to honor it and talk to him.
As for custody of Lilly, and I would assume Ryan, Ex doesn't have a say. Your H can put in a petition and the court will have to at least hear his side. I agree with Evan, that you should get an unbiased person to come in and assess both homes to determine which home is better fit for the kids. Maybe Ex will realize that will blow up in her face since the person will realize how dysfunctional her home is and you won't have to go to court at all
I am sorry this all puts your H into a mood. I understand why it does, but I don't have any advice.
I am also sorry that you "stole" Ex's life. I didn't know that something could be stolen when you choose to walk away. Don't let her stress you out, you have a baby to incubate.
I also ate cheese and ketchup sandwiches every day so add me to the autistic list as well :-)
Thanks girls! I know there's nothing really to say, I just needed a place to vent. We had a drama free night last night, which was AMAZING!
Evan - I don't even know how that works with us being 500 miles apart. Would the same person come see both houses?
@ysstalenburg - I honestly just laugh when he tells me she says that. She left him, she got KU'd by some random guy off myspace and married him after proving it was his kid. She decided her life, just like I decided mine. I love H to death and I mean this is the nicest way, but most of what we have is because of me. I know what she mostly means is having a nice house and reliable cars is having her life. His credit was like 400 when we meant. I've gotten it up to 650 in the past 2 years since taking over finances. House and cars are all in my name. So I just laugh if she thinks if only she had him back this would all be hers... she can keep dreaming. I used to be really insecure about her, like.... how easier H's life would be to go back to her and have his kids back. But after 5 years, I know he would never be happy with her and life would be far from easier. She's just miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable. So I laugh.
@sjs1013 - :x seriously thank you! I don't think Jeff has any custody right now, just visitations - as per the divorce decree. We have been to Ryan's school, he just had to show his ID then they would talk to him. We need to do that with Lilly's school too. He should call and see.
I keep trying to tell him he needs to get something through the courts outlining everything, but he won't. CS was calculated through the Army, and they don't take her income into account at all - just his rank (pay), how many kids - this is what you pay. When he got out of the Army and was a FT student she said he was on her way to get more CS - then nothing. She probably walked in and they asked her for her W2s etc and she walked out. I told him to push it, let the state calculate it, and if it's more, then we pay more, I don't care, that's what's fair.
As for her other kid's dad, she married him. The 4th kid is his daughter from a previous relationship. I believe her mom is in jail, so no support there. But they both work FT, and her mom lives with them, and she works FT. There should be enough plus what we give. Enough to get Ryan some freaking shoes. I'm all for walmart shoes for kids, since they out grow them so fast, but holes are not acceptable!
I really wanted Jeff to get things going when we found out there were 7 people in a 2 bedroom house. We would have had NO issues proving we had a better living situation them (we have 4 bedrooms). Idk how big this new place they moved in has. I can ask Lilly when we go down for Easter.
I hope you are able to get some resolution quickly.