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Advice wanted please=)
Hello,
First time poster. Just wanted to get some in laws advice. About 4 years ago I overheard my in laws insulting my family to my husband. This has happened many times before, but I think after 10 plus years of this behavior I had reached a breaking point. Basically is was about how they are not a good influence because they do not attend church. My parents are actually probably the best people I know, and the best role models I could ask for. They also have an extremely loving an committed marriage. It became a blow out and I have not spoken to my in laws since. My husband rekindled the relationship about 2 years ago, but it is a strained relationship, and luckily for our sake they do not live close by. My life is a lot easier with them not around, but for my husband's sake, I feel I need to forge a relationship again eventually. I have hesitations because they have said terrible things about me in the past which are hard to swallow but I feel guess I can live with them (I will never be a good wife and/or mother, I could lose a few pounds, etc), I just do not want their negativity to affect my family and eventually children we will have. I am not really sure as to how rekindle things, as they will not cop to any argument even occurred. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Re: Advice wanted please=)
Do you REALLY think they are going to suddenly change and be nice? Maybe to your face they will. MAYBE they won't say anything to your DH. But don't kid yourselves. Even if they don't say that shit to either of you, they are still saying it.
I can GUARANTEE you that it's been 4 years of "SEE! we knew she was no good! It's because of her that we don't see our son! It's because she and her family don't go to church! If they were God fearing people, this wouldn't have happened! SEEEEE!!!!!!".
If anything, they will be even MORE assholish over this than they ever were.
I don't see why being "family" gives them a pass. I don't see why being "family" means you have to have a relationship with them.
Their negativity WILL affect you all. Again. I really, really don't know why your DH would want to welcome this back into your lives. I don't know why he isn't putting you and your feelings first.
If you do what Disney suggested, my approach would be to my DH actually- YOU are giving them ONE chance. If they show their true colors even once, then you are done, done, done. You'll try ONCE for him. But that's it. It's on him to either kowtow to them or to defend you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
They come back, THEY start to argue? "If you want us in your lives, you will treat us w/ respect". Period.
Over and over and over. "But she did ____ and blah blah blah". DON'T TAKE THE BAIT. Respond with "If you want us in your lives....".
And then he needs to either hang up or get up and leave. He needs to show that there is NO room for argument. Respect - period. They can't do that? THen that's on them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10