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Friend dispute--Need advice
So one of my high school friends that we haven't had a good friendship since we graduated from high school and college wrote me on facebook with the following: Basically I wrote her on facebook to see how see was doing and see came off like she didn't want to be bothered. She just wrote me back saying that I know I ame off distance when you contacted me last month, but she was told that she was talked about in a negative matter from one of our friends friend. She was like her feelings were huurt and she has not changed. She wants to chill and talk sometime, but I'm not even sure if I want to do that.
I kinda need to know how I need to respond to her and even if I should respond. BTW, there was 4 of us that hung out in high school and she has basically disassociated herself with us, for some reason. When I got married I even invited her to the wedding and she said she couldnt come and was going to send a gift, never did, but that really don't bother me. I dont have any problems with her, I just dont know how to respond, because I have never reallly had any problems with anyone.
Re: Friend dispute--Need advice
First question- DID you talk about her negatively to another friend?
Second, when you write "she has not changed" - is that what SHE said or is that what you're saying to us?
Ultimately - my take on this is "some people aren't meant to be life long friends". She may be one of them. maybe it's time to just let her go if your friendship is going to be fraught with drama that doesn't really even seem to be drama.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah, I'm sorry I know this is horribly written, I was just typing as my thoughts came through. If I talked about her to one of my friends, then it was because they asked me a question about her and I gave my answer or opinion, but to my knowledge I have no idea what she's talking about. She told me that she hasn't changed in the FB message and a couple of years ago told one of my friends, people grow apart from each other so we took it as she didn't want to have anything to do with us. But I was still going to be friendly with her. I just don't know how to repsond to her message.
If you go with "be friendly", put the ball in her court and just say "Sounds great. Let me know what would work for you". I wouldn't be surprised if nothing comes of that, TBH!
And if that happens OR you decide to pull away - then just pull away. Don't reply and just keep tabs on her through FB. Don't reach out w/ personal messages anymore. You can be "FB friendly" and keep your distance.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
She's already gave me a time to meet her and I can't. We both live in different cities. She gave me her phone number, but I have given her mine several times and I don;'t feel like talking to her over the phone.
I really want to know what was said to her and possibly who, bc I don't talk to many people. Do you know how I could word that to her?
I don't know.... in the end, she once pulled away from you and others, right? And now your attempt to touch base w/ her and started a "someone told me you were talking about me" thing, and NOW she wants to "talk".
Do you REALLY want to pursue this? If not, then just don't respond. Or say "Friend, I honestly am confused. While you've been on my mind, I haven't actively spoken about you to anyone that I can recall. I really don't have the energy for a "she said/ she said" round. I'd love some more insight because I hate to think that you're upset w/ me. But - I'm not sure to what end this is all for.". And leave it at that. Either she'll respond and give you insight OR... chances are another nail will be put in the coffin.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It's basically you saying "what is the point in talking? I don't know what it is that you heard and I want some idea of what this is all about for you.".
But - I agree w/ Gilli. You just don't seem all that enthusiastic. WHY, really, are you trying to stay friendly with her? Is it just because you don't like the idea of a friendship ending, or you don't like the "unknown" aspect of why she basically walked away, or you don't like the feeling that someone out there doesn't like you? Are you looking for some kind of closure?
Really examine why YOU keep going back to her.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10