Relationships
al1bye
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Temporary move out tactic
My husband has some behaviors that I find undesirable (ie. selfishness, inconsideration, general lack of maturity & responsibility, shows disrespect toward women including me, not affectionate, etc.). I knew these were issues we'd have to work on when I entered this relationship. I've tried addressing these issues repeatedly over the course of our 8 yr relationship, and very little has changed. In talking to a friend who's a therapist, I brought up the idea of a temporary move out (like staying in a hotel or friend's place for a week). I am at a loss to get his attention that his behaviors need to change in order for our relationship to progress. I'm not at the point where I feel divorce is necessary but I've dealt with these issues long enough to be emotionally exhausted & frustrated. Was wondering if anyone else has had success with this shock & awe tactic. Stories appreciated..
Re: Temporary move out tactic
Your solution to this is to behave just as childishly by moving out (I'm assuming there will be some foot stomping and pouting as well) and sending a totally insincere message that you're not going to take it anymore...well, maybe...but probably not...but yeah, you'll keep putting up with it. Sounds like a splendid idea.
In all seriousness...you two need to act like adults, get to counseling, and work on your marriage together. Like grown ups do. Otherwise, continue with this childish behavior and come on back in a month to tell us how he is being so nice and begged for you to come home...then a month later you can let us know he's back to being a selfish ass. Because that is how this story will go.
Shock and awe tactics do not work. Mutual respect, compromise, understanding, and love for one another do.
ETA- it also helps not to marry a fixer upper in the first place.
This can't be real. I mean... come ON. You knew he had issues, but then not only dated him but MARRIED HIM? And you've been together for 8 years and now for some reason it's a serious enough issue that you might move out? To "shock" him?
What the ever loving fuck?
This is who he is through and through. Stop pretending otherwise. Either stay with him and accept it or just leave and divorce his ass.
He is the poster child for "You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."
Tell us why you even dated this guy, let alone married him.
It may be that he's got some sort of behavioral disorder or emotional problem --- but then again, he may just be a jerk. I would not waste any more of my life on this guy, if I were you.
WHY would you want to bring a child into this mess????
Shock tactic?
He probably will not notice you've left, let alone care that you are gone.
An "undesirable behavior" to me is a guy who keeps forgetting to bring the laundry to the washing machine, not filling the tank of your car after he uses it or having to remind him to go mow the lawn! it sure isn't disrespect for women, sefishness, inconsideration and the rest that you named!
Counseling for you immediately: you are with a royal scumbag and you are not picky about your choices in men.
Oh, come on now. Didn't you know babies make EVERYTHING better? If dating a loser doesn't change him, well then - you marry him. But if THAT doesn't work and he's still a loser, you have a baby. Then everything will really get better then!!
You should see a therapist together. Someone who is not a friend.