Get along better with my MIL than my own Mom.

sbennett2011 · April 2014

My mom and I have always had a relationship where one minute we are okay and the next we are not talking for days just because we have total different views on how things should be delt with & morals.

My MIL is awesome (I am blessed to have such a great in law that truly loves and cares for me) she doesnt treat my husband and I like children but offers advice if we ask for it. Sometimes I feel like I can vent and talk about things I have weghing on my mind when I dont want to talk with my own mother. Is that weird? Like sometimes I want to talk about the possiblity of kids in the future (just chatting about it nothing serious) or asking what should a women do for her husband when example A or B happens. Is this weird considering this is my husbands mom and not my own.... I just like an adults view since they have been through the things I think about and when I talk about things with my mom I just cant agree with her.

I think my mom knows about this fact but never confronts me about it... Its not that I like my MIL more its just she treats me how I want to be treated. Like an adult with my own mind that just wants another adult friend to talk to about things. Especially with my MIL because it seems like her and I see eye to eye on ALOT of subject. She feels more like a mom or a friend to me besides just an in law.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 3 of those years.

VOR · April 2014

YOu get along with her. That's fine. She's a friend as well as your MIL. There is nothing you need to feel bad about. If your mom ever "confronts" you, what is she going to say? "Are you FRIENDS with her?? Do you TALK to her?". Um. Yes. you do. Don't feel defensive about it. Don't try to "explain" it.

"Yes mom, we're friends". "Yes mom, we get along."

Period. There is nothing else to say.

jessiray · April 2014

My FI's whole family has really adopted me as their own. My FMIL very much a second mom to me. Does it bother my mom? Yes, it does. My mom and I are two very, very, very different people, and we've never been as close as I am to my FMIL or my mom is to my sister. I just try not to mention too much about how much I do with my FMIL to my mom. If your mom ever gets pushy, bean dip her. If you don't know what bean dipping is, head over to the knot boards and search for it

it's a very good technique to learn.

Leftie22 · April 2014

Relationships are so often not what we think they "should" be, or what we want them to be. There's not much you can do about that. If I were you, I would just appreciate and enjoy the fact that you have someone like your MIL in your life. You're not betraying your mom or anything, you just have different ways of relating to them. I also firmly believe that people earn the relationships they have, so if your mom ever does complain or want things to be different, she can learn to relate to you in a more grown-up and positive way. I understand why it's frustrating. My mom treats me like an equal, and is very respectful of my beliefs, how I'm raising my kids, etc. For me, it's my MIL who is my total opposite and who treats me and my DH like we're incompetent children. I mean, they were mad at us for buying a car without asking their opinion, and we're in our thirties! So hug that MIL of yours and be happy you have her!

Sillygirl45 · April 2014

I find it odd that you're questioning why your mom hasn't "confronted you" about your relationship with your MIL...why would she?

The only one who seems to be making this a big deal is you. Why is that?

ms12345 · April 2014

You seem like you feel guilty about the fact that you're closer to your MIL. There's no reason to... I know that's easier said than done, because I'm in the same boat. The one thing I remind myself is that my mom wouldn't even bat an eye if my MIL was a best friend my own age instead of my MIL.

I'm incredibly lucky with my MIL as well. She treats me like an equal, doesn't pout when I say no to something, isn't pushy at all. That makes me not only tolerant of, but welcoming of, her point of view. She's awesome with my DD, but also makes it a point to have a relationship with me beyond my child. She respects my "quirks" while my FOO tries to change me/my mom tries to guilt me. I have learned to much from her about standing up for myself fairly...she's the master of it.... unfortunately I had to learn it when I was being a little $#!t!! (So add "forgiving" to the list of my MIL's qualities!!!)

I say that having a MIL is like having a second mom, without the guilt and childhood baggage!

I know it seriously bugs my mom how much time we spend with the ILs/how close we are to them, but that's on her. Yeah, I still feel a bit guilty though.

Get along better with my MIL than my own Mom.

Re: Get along better with my MIL than my own Mom.

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