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AW/Vent: "Do you want Kids?" (Loss mentioned)
So I sell Tastefully Simple as a side job. Last night I did a party for a host who is the same age as me.
It was getting toward the end of the night, the guests had a few drinks, and we were all having a blast. There was one woman who was 7 months pregnant there, and the baby started kicking. I was standing next to her and she asked if I wanted to feel the kicks. Sure, why not. Just because I can't get and stay pregnant, doesn't mean I don't think pregnancy is an amazing thing. So I felt the baby kick.
Then cued the questions:
Half drunk lady: "Do you and your husband have any kids?"
Me: "Nope."
Other lady who brought her 2 year old: "Do you want any?"
Me: "Yeah, we do."
Lady w/ 2 year old: "Well why don't you have any yet?"
Me: "It's just not the right time."
Half drunk lady: "Oh honey, it will never be the right time. And you looked in heaven feeling that baby kick. You will be a good mom."
Me: "We have been trying for over a year now and have lost 3 unborn children. So we've been trying to fullfill having children, but it hasn't been an easy road for us."
Entire crowd (that I didn't realize was listening to this conversation): *Blank stares and silence.*
Lady w/ 2 year old: "I'm so sorry to hear that."
Me: "It's okay, more people go through it than we know. I'm just one of those that's open about it and tells the truth when people ask why we don't have kids. It's just the cards we've been dealt right now, and we're handling them the best way we can."
Thankfully the subject moved on quickly and we were back to joking and having a good time.
But after everyone left, it was just the host and her husband there. The host gave me a big hug and started crying. I asked her what was wrong. Her husband piped up and thanked me for having the courage to speak about what we've been through. They've been trying for a year too, and have had 2 losses. They have not told any of their family nor their friends, and didn't feel like it was something that could be brought to people's attention.
Just when I think that I should shut my stupid mouth and not share any part of our journey, because it has sadness in it. I get proven that maybe it is a good thing I'm so open about it, and maybe it will give others strength to open up about it.
So we talked about some different things, and I learned that they've been going to the RE we want to switch to and absolutely love him. Which is great, because we haven't been able to find many reviews or opinions about him since he's new to our area.
Sorry to be such an AW, but it's things like this that makes me want to make people aware of IF, and I know that I can share this story with you ladies. When I shared it with H he said, "you told a group of strangers that we've lost 3 babies?" He thought I was crazy. But then was happy when the wife text me on my drive home and asked if we could meet up for a drink and the 4 of us talk. He's now excited that he has a guy to talk to about this.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
Re: AW/Vent: "Do you want Kids?" (Loss mentioned)
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
08/13: Started TTC - 07/14: PCOS dx
BFP 09/18/15 - Baby S 05/27/16
BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625
I'm so glad you gained this couple who can relate to you guys and share experiences together.
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
There are times where I really am not sure whether it's in my best interest to be open about this. I struggle often about whether I should really open my mouth and speak the truth or not.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
...hello out there!
dx with anovulatory PCOS 2005
off bcp 11/11
a few rounds of clomid and femara... no response.
injectables/IUI 12/12... BFN
Feb 13 IVF cycle converted down to IUI due to low follicle response... BFFN
one last IVF attempt April/May 2013: 19 retrieved. 10 fertilized. 2 transferred in a 3dt. 4 frosties... BFP!!
EDD: 1/21/14... Induced early at 36+6. Our LO was born 12/30/13
Sad that you are in this place and dealing with infertility, but so happy that being able to share your experiences has helped someone else.
I also hope that interaction makes other people think twice about pushing others on the subject of kids. So naive to just say "well, just pop out some kids then."
B Born 6.27.13
TTC#1 July 2010 PCOS dx April 2011 DS born: February 21, 2012
TTC#2 June 2013 MMC Sept 2013 (partial molar), CP 02/2014 DS2 born: December 5, 2014
~ S & L 8-25-12 ~
And I think it is wonderful that you made a connection with that couple! I think a lot of women/couples feel really alone because they don't realize all the resources that are available to them for support in dealing with IF...such as this wonderful community!
Currently on Metformin and Synthroid
EDD: 6.15.15
my read shelf:
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad sperm
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussDE IVF ER - 12/2/2016 (17R/10F = 8 frosties); FET 1.0 (1/27/2017) - BFP 6dp5dt (EDD 10/16/2017)
To make you feel my love.