October 2012 Weddings
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Vent

**Sorry this turned out to be kinda long**

So, I have this friend that I've known for 7-8 years or so.  She was in my wedding and we were really close up until I met H.  When I met H, she just kind of distanced herself and got really upset that we weren't hanging out as much as we used to.  We actually got into a pretty big fight about it and didn't speak for almost a year.  Then about 9 months before my wedding, she messaged me saying that she wanted to put everything behind us and start hanging out again.  We went to dinner and I found out she was pregnant.  She said that she really needed me during that time and that she missed our friendship.  Of course I was super happy for her and we kind of got back to how things used to be.  

Everything was fine up until after my wedding.  I would call her and she wouldn't call me back and if I didn't make the effort to reach out to her, I never talked to her.  It's been like this since and I've seen her maybe a handful of times.  I thought it was because she had a new baby and was busy with him, but then I started seeing all these FB posts of check ins and hanging out with other people.  She never invites me to do anything with her, I can't even remember the last time she called or texted me.  The most I'll get is a random comment on photos or status updates on FB.  I even called her earlier this year in tears about all the IF issues we've been going through and she apologized about not being there for me and that she was a bad friend.  But, has anything changed... no.

I think I've reached my limit and I'm holding back from going off on her.  The more I think about, the more pissed off I get.  I invited her to H's birthday party and called her last week to see if she was coming.  She said yes, but that she was going to come early because she had another party to go to in the evening.  We even said it was going to be great to see each other and I said how excited I was to see her son (who I've seen 3-4 times and he'll be 2 in July). Well, guess what.  She never showed up, didn't even text or call.  I'm beyond upset and hurt.  Who treats a friend like that?

I texted her earlier "So, what happened on Saturday?" and I haven't heard anything back.  I really just want to call her and go off, but I know that won't do any good.  But, I seriously am so pissed!  What would y'all do?
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Re: Vent

  • that sucks!!  I don't like confrontations so I'd just cut my losses.  It seems like she doesn't really want to put in much effort to be friends so I would stop reaching out and wait for her to make the next move.  
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  • Oh I hate how that happens sometimes! :( I'd talk to her and be honest. I did that with a college friend. We got close in school, bonded over our BF's not proposing even though we'd been with them for a long time. She got engaged and married before H and I got engaged, and I was MOH in her wedding. I graduated from college the same month they got married. We hung out a few times after that, but I was always the one who initiated. I finally got fed up with it and stopped contacting her.
    Six months later, I felt badly, so I contacted her in December. I hadn't even messaged her when I got engaged, and I know that bothered her. I explained everything to her as to why I hadn't messaged her first because I felt like I was the one putting all of the work into our friendship and I would appreciate some more effort from her. She said she understood and that she'd work on it. Here we are just over 2 years later and I never hear from her. I texted her a few weeks ago because she's expecting a baby any day now, but I put the ball in her court and she didn't feel strongly enough. 
    So my long story is trying to say -- be honest with her and giver her the power to decide whether or not the friendship is important to her or not.
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  • I'm so sorry to hear that. I can relate because I have a friend that is terrible about keeping in touch. It's such a one sides friendship and it hurts. It's like pulling teeth to get her to commit and come to dinner and she will say I know, I need to be better, but nothing changes. It's easier said than done to cut a friend out. I've said that several times. But I've stopped all efforts. It's not your fault she isn't being a good friend. I think you should just go back to being distanced and if she wants to repair the friendship, it's on her again.

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  • goatlady12goatlady12 member
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    edited April 2014

    I know a few people like this.  I get really sick of being the one to always organize hanging out.  Usually, I'll just let it go and see if they ever contact me about hanging out.   

  • Well, she never texted me back.  I guess I know where our friendship stands with her.  Sucks, but everything happens for a reason.
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  • *hugs* you've always got us :) I know it's not the same, but sometimes it's good to know!
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