How do you raise your self esteem?

mrshall1027 · April 2014

I've been feeling pretty down for a while now and I can't seem to shake it off. I like to think I'm a pretty positive person, but I find that I've been pretty negative about myself over the last year or so. Not just about my physical appearance, which is probably the main thing, but also choices I've made, things I say or do, etc. Even though I've lost over half the weight I need to loose, I still feel unattractive. If H and I get into an argument, I automatically feel like the one that did everything wrong. A lot of times, I just want to crawl into my bed and not get up for anything. I've tried distracting myself with all the things we've been doing, but it's not working. I just don't know how to get out of this funk.

**I am not looking for attention or praise from this post. I really just want to know what you ladies do when you are feeling down about yourself. I've been thinking about maybe going to see a counselor, but I also feel like I just need to suck it up and get over it. And I've started to write this post I don't know how many times and always end up deleting it because I don't want you all to think I'm looking for pity or attention or judge me. I just need some sort of advice for this because it's starting to take a toll on my day to day life and I'm tired of being so down all the time.

catwine · April 2014

Sometimes I feel like that too. I've made a mental list of all the things I've accomplished in my life and reviewing that when I'm down helps me feel better.

Maybe you could take time to do something that you enjoy (for me it's painting my nails and watching a movie).

I think seeing a counselor could be a good idea because you might have a chemical imbalance that is making you feel the way you are. They may be able to suggest some diet or lifestyle changes to help.

Good luck!

ramstein1027 · April 2014

When I get down on myself I think about all the good things I do for other people, even small things like just being polite or holding a door open. That makes me feel good and like I have something to offer the world. And allow yourself to feel down sometimes without beating yourself up about it. It wouldn't be normal if you didn't SOMETIMES feel crappy.

Also, I remind myself that I am the only ME there will ever be. Each of us is so incredibly different it is astounding to think about. I say to myself that if I don't "be me" then who else is going to?! It's like this quote, which is kind of cheesy, but I find it more true as I get older. "There will only be one you for all eternity. Fearlessly be yourself." No one is perfect, but you represent a unique soul who will only exist once for all time! That's pretty cool if you ask me.

goatlady12 · April 2014

I totally just got out of a funk like this. I was having a hard time getting out of bed. It's really hard but a lot of it is just actively working on changing your prospective.

If you start feeling down about a choice you made in the past, make yourself think of 5 accomplishments that were great. If you feel down about a part of your body, make yourself think of things you think are beautiful about your body.

You are always really positive and encouraging to the rest of us. I hope that you can turn some of that energy on yourself. I know you said that you don't want praise, but I'm going to give you some. Whenever you post pictures I always think, "Does that girl ever take a bad picture?!" You always look really pretty in your pictures!

mrshall1027 · April 2014

Thanks guys. Thank you Heidi about the pictures compliment. That's actually the thing I beat myself up the most about, is how I look in pictures. And Evan, I love those quotes! Thanks for posting them.

xxjen015 · April 2014

I used to cry almost every single day coming home from work. I never felt good about myself, about what I did, anything. I started seeing a counselor on occasion, and while none of my issues were anything more than talking about issues at work or with family, etc. it really helped to talk about it, cry about it, and just have someone to talk to who doesn't judge and doesn't have a stake in the situation.

Also, I started taking Effexor which is an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety and I didn't realize how...not my true self I had been until it kicked in. H has noticed a huge difference as well. I never wanted to be one of those people who had to use a pill to "fix" me, but now that I have, I wouldn't go back. *hugs* We love you!

minionlover · April 2014

I get the same way sometimes especially about my weight and lately my age. I have gained a lot of weight since we bought the house and have been having trouble getting/staying on the fitness bandwagon. I just try to tell myself that there is nothing I can do about the past and try to make better choices for my health. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. As for my age part, there is pretty much nothing I can do for that. Lol

I think that as others said, going to a counselor might help. You may just need someone to talk to who is neutral who is not just going to tell you to get over it.

ramstein1027 · April 2014

And about body image stuff, just remember you aren't just a body. You ARE a soul, you HAVE a body.

No one sits on their deathbed thinking "Man I wish I had been skinnier when I was younger...that is my biggest regret in life!"

pockysquirrel · April 2014

I'm gonna put my social worker hat on for a minute and tell you that you're describing a lot of signs of clinical depression. Talk to a counselor or at least your primary care doctor to determine whether this really is just a funk or whether it's a sign that something's off chemically in your brain.

Other than that, make self-care a priority. Eat well, treat yourself a little, make sure you're getting enough sleep, get outside for fresh air and sunlight. And this is hard when you're feeling tired and unmotivated, but exercise, not for weight loss but because regular physical activity really can improve your mood and your energy level. If your body image is in the toilet, do things that make you feel pretty. Go out to the spa or to get your nails done, or even just do something like a home facial or a long bath with scented oil. Maybe try journaling about how you feel. And PLEASE don't feel like you should just get over it or snap out of it! Depression - whether it's the kind that needs medication or not - is a real thing, and it happens to almost everyone at some point in their lives. Not being able to pull yourself out of the funk by the power of your will alone does not in any way mean that you're weak or a bad person.

mrshall1027 · April 2014

Thanks @pockysquirrel. I think am leaning towards going to see a doctor about this. I talked to H about it last night again and he thinks I should go too. I do try to make an effort to make myself feel better, whether it's curling my hair, putting on a new outfit, doing something crafty, etc and it helps a little but I still have a lot of negative thoughts about myself. I don't like feeling this way so I will do whatever I need to do to feel better. Just talking about it here has lifted some weight off my shoulders, so hopefully talking to a doctor will really help.

Thanks again ladies for letting me vent and share really personal feelings with you all! Y'all are the best!

ramstein1027 · April 2014

I don't mean to keep chiming in an be annoying but I was like this last fall, just in a huge funk and feeling gross and terrible about everything possible. Mine was more anxiety but I definitely think I was also depressed, looking back. I looked around for resources and ended up buying a book called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and I am TOTALLY not a self-help book person, but it really helped me. It walked me step by step through my thought processes, had me journal things, practice cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, and learn about the physiology behind anxiety/depression.

I learned that:

-I'll probably always just be a more nervous person, but I can do things with my lifestyle that can greatly reduce it. Moving around, eating right, not drinking too much, getting sleep, etc.

-People today live such a sedentary lifestyle compared to our ancestors, it's just not a natural state for the human body. If I physically exhaust myself I'm too tired to care about other stuff PLUS you get that awesome endorphin boost, and it can literally change the chemistry in your brain if you stick with it.

-I had a lot of what are called "false beliefs" and negative thought patterns that had become SUCH a habit I didn't realize they were false. For instance, I would seriously beat myself up if I left our home dirty or didn't pack my lunch for the day and had to spend money going out. I would think, "I did or didn't do X, therefore I am worthless." Well, what proof is there that if I don't do that thing that I'm worthless? None at all. Why was I imposing that on myself? Once I recognized that pattern I was astonished at how many times a day I would think that about myself.

I think that's all stuff a counselor could help with too. This book really helped me, and it's not like an anti-counseling/anti-medication book at all, so I'm not trying to push you away from those things, which are very helpful to a lot of people. I have been on Prozac before so I know meds do a lot of good. But I will say that learning the root of my thought patterns was an incredible eye-opener to me and when/if I do decide to go on meds again, it will only make the whole thing that much better.

LDubHawksFan · April 2014

I don't have much to chime in with because I think everyone has given great advice. I think starting with a counselor is a great place to start to just be able to talk about your feelings. I wish you the best and hope that this is fleeting and you will come out of your dark place soon.

mrshall1027 · April 2014

Evan, I don't think you are being annoying at all. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that out and share what worked for you. I'll have to pick up that book and hopefully it'll help me like it helped you. I definitely do a lot of the "beating myself up" things. Like, even just writing this post made me feel like a huge failure. I know it's not right to do it and I need to learn how to deal with those feelings better.

ivedonethisb4 · April 2014

I feel like this ALL the time. I should also probably see a counselor or something since at this point I'm pretty sure I have a bit of depression & probably PTSD going on.

Sometimes just regrouping & taking the time to put real clothes on and actually fix my face & hair help. I was always one to never not have makeup on but the last year has REALLY taken its toll on me. I always feel like my face is so fat that I'm just not attractive anymore....and it has nothing to do with weight gain from the pregnancy because I weigh less now than when I got pregnant...I lost weight during my pregnancy until I started having too much fluid.

I put on about 80-90lbs from 2008 until now. All I'm sure due to my thyroid and cancer..it was so gradual and no matter what I did it wouldn't stop so I finally went to get checked out & that's how we found it. I've been battling depression for years & have never sought treatment. I think I will be doing so soon though because even though my little girl melts my heart every day and I love her to pieces I still have not dealt with my underlying issues.

Not that that helped you at all but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

sjs1013 · April 2014

I thought of you this morning while I was in my yoga class. The instructor was talking about bringing your mind to yourself, not anything physical, but something about yourself that makes you happy. I know people suggested exercise, but yoga may help, too.

How do you raise your self esteem?

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