Money Matters
Xstatic3333
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWMMD-Family Request for Funds
I've got a conundrum/vent for you guys and gals...
As I've mentioned before, H and I both consider ourselves only children. However, in H's case that's not strictly the truth. He has a stepsister and also had a stepbrother who passed away. He was close with his stepbrother, and although he and his stepsister are on officially fine terms, he can get a little frustrated with her (she's pretty negative). She and I communicate some on FB, but I can tell H doesn't want me to get too close. Part of the awkwardness stems from the fact that SSIL has a strained relationship with my FIL, who we are close with. She tends to vent about this on FB, which is upsetting for H. He stays out of it though and doesn't say anything.
Recently we found out that SSIL will be moving out of my ILs' and across the country to where she grew up, which is near where we live. I am happy for her and think this will be a positive move for her. However, she posted on FB that she needs financial help but will repay everyone once she's on her feet. She then messaged me the same thing...not directly asking for money, but it was implied. In the moment, I just said congrats on the move and asked other non-money related questions, but I feel super awkward now, as does H.
MM, am I a horrible person if we don't give her any money? She is family, and I'm happy she's getting out on her own, but we've been working hard toward our own goals. She's not a bad person at all, just a tough personality trying to execute a mid-life career switch. I really do wish her well and would help with other stuff (moving, finding a place, etc.), or even buy her lunch to hang out. As I think I've mentioned, though, I'm just getting fatigued with FB fundraising. Of course this is all H's final decision, but he likes my help with political/family drama issues. She can probably guess we're on solid ground financially, and I think if we don't help she'll probably cut us out of her life. Gah. I also know that she's helped our ILs financially (we've never been asked to personally) which compounds my guilt about the whole thing. If she hadn't done that for so long, she might have plenty of money for her move.
Re: WWMMD-Family Request for Funds
If you don't have money to spare without sacrificing important financial goals of your own, I would just let her know that you don't have any money to loan her right now, but that you would be happy to help with any of the things you listed. When DH and I moved to a new place it was awesome to have a friend who helped us find an apartment.
If you can't afford to give the money as a gift, and never ever see it again, I wouldn't do it. In my opinion you should never loan money to family or friends. You may not think it will become awkward because you don't care if you never see the money again, but she may feel bad because she can't pay it back by the time you agreed upon, and pretty much cut off contact. So is it worth that to you.
That's the type of thing I think you need to consider before you loan her money. If you are able to just give it to her, and make her understand that it's a gift/housewarming present because you are excited she is moving closer- or something like that.
I agree with this
I agree with this
That's sort of where I am at. I was raised very strictly to never ask anyone but my parents for money (not that I would now as an adult) and I know most people are raised to not even ask their parents! When I was in 5th grade my dad found out I borrowed $5 from a friend at the mall. He was livid and made me return the Beenie Baby I'd bought. It was upsetting, but a good lesson.
The whole thing kind of caught me off guard. I'm gonna leave it up to H, let him know I support his decision, and see what happens. Anything we give would be a gift, not a loan.
Honestly i would think you'd be doing a worse thing if you did give her money. What self restpecting person asks for money on facebook?! And anyone who is going to cut me out of their life for not giving them money is no one i want in my life to begin with.
I'd just say sorry we don't lend money. period end of discussion. she doesn't NEED it, she's just whining and thinks she is entitled to money that isn't hers. that girl need to grow up and be an adult. No i would NOT be giving/lending her any money.