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traveling for a funeral- worth the cost?
My husband lost his grandfather yesterday - he was sick for a while so he kind of saw the writing on the wall.
Here's the problem - its a lot of money to just go up for the funeral. All our family lives in NJ which is where the funeral is - and we're in NC. He didn't go to his grandmothers funeral and now he really *should* go to his grandfathers. I know its the right thing to do and i'm the one encouraging him that we need to go. - and he's the one stressed out about the cost. Ironic? yea. well now i'm stressed out about the cost too. Would this count as an "emergency"? Would you eat the cost and just go because its a funeral and its the right thing to do? Theres a good chance we'll have to dip into our emergency fund to do so. but we could pay it back after we get paid. We're looking at about 700 for the two of us... 150 for gas, 275 for dog hotels, 150 in loss of income because he has to take off of his second job. (we get bereavement on our 2 full time jobs), and then about 100-125 for food up there. The dogs are clearly the expensive part. We only leave them once a year and usually its only for a few days. We don't know our neighbors, no family around, our friends are about 30 minutes away. theres only one friend i'd ask because she has a teenage daughter we know likes animals and needs the money. But even then she'll be in school a few days and its mothers day so she's not going to be able to come 3 days a week for 5 days... and i'm really starting to second guess hiring a professional dog walker to supplement because we wouldn't even be able to interview or meet them first..and i'd give them the keys to my house?! no.
For DH to go without me it would save us about 200. - so 500 instead. But for the 200 bucks it made sense to just make it a "visit" and actually see our family while we're up there so we don't have to go back for atleast another year. hopefully.
Its like 600 to leave our house at all - this is why we don't go anywhere - like ever. Oy!
Re: traveling for a funeral- worth the cost?
Ultimately it is something only your DH can decide. Will he regret not going?
Do you both need to go? Just looking at this from another angle.
Personally, I would have the both of you go. It's just part of life. Plus, there's something about a funeral for an immediate family member being more important than a wedding in the family (I know you don't have a wedding to deal with, I'm just saying funerals are in some ways more important than weddings). Paying respects and having that closure are both healthy emotional endings to observe a life.
If you can, I would try and go. Ultimately it is something only you and your DH can decide. Will he regret not going? Do either of you have coworkers you might be able to ask to dog-sit? That's what we do when we go out of town. Or if you're driving, maybe look into taking the dogs with you. That might save you some money as well.
@hoffse, I just saw your note, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of internet hugs to both your families.
DH's brother attended a family funeral without his wife (traveled from VA to MI) and it was no big deal to anyone.
I am sorry for both your loss and Hoffse's loss.
I am so sorry for your loss!
Have you checked with your vet to see if they board dogs? $275 seems like a lot of money to spend on boarding dogs. I love my dogs more than anything and they are completely spoiled rotten but I would look into another option. I work for a vets ofice and every once in awhile I will watch dogs for clients of ours. Whether it's stopping by the house or having the dogs stay at my house, I've done it both ways. Or maybe ask them who they woud reccomend to watch your dog in this situation.
Thanks everyone. I talked to my husband and we are gonna go. He figures that we are going to have to go up to visit family/friends anyway at some point anyway so its not worth missing his grandfathers funeral over. I think it will be good for him to go. He needs to be there for his dad - DH will also have to go over his grandparents house and find anything he wants to take because they are gonna be putting it up for sale.
With the dogs unfortunately since we live in the sticks and its last minute a pet hotel is really our only option. Plus my puppy has to stay in a crate so my husband doesn't feel comfortable leaving him in a crate for 5 days- even if we could get multiple people to take shifts and let the dogs out 3 times a day - its still a long time to spend in the crate - even sharing a 4foot by 10 foot space is better then a crate. plus its a lot to ask to have someone drive 30 minutes to our house every day - multiple times a day. (did i mention how much i hate living so far away from everything!!) Once the puppy can behave in the house on their own we will probably try to do friends/dog walkers instead but unfortunately thats not the case right now.
My grandma passed away 2 months ago and I went but my husband stayed home. I'm glad I went and it was okay that DH wasn't there because most of my sisters went without their husbands anyway so we were able to be just sisters and her grandchildren again which is rare. Plus i drove up with my sister to NY (we didnt even go to NJ) so we split the cost of gas and it wasnt' too bad pricewise. My husband had never met my grandma either- ive known his grandfather for the past 5 years because they lived in town.
My condolences to both of you, KatieCutie05 and hoffse!
I see you already made the decision, but still wanted to throw in my general two cents. To be the different one in the group, I didn't go to my grandfather's funeral because of the cost and never regretted it at all. I loved my grandfather and was close to him in life. I would have liked to have been there, but funerals are for the living. For me personally, not saying this is true for everyone of course, I just didn't see the point in spending a large chunk of money to say good-bye "in person". I did not need that closure so I did not go.
On the flip side of the coin, I did make the trip when that same grandfather and my grandmother had their 50th wedding anniversary a couple years earlier. That was money spent to spend time with them on a joyous day. I guess a little bit in my clunky way I'm trying to say I'd rather spend money on extra trips in someone's lifetime, than after they have passed.
But many/most people feel the need for a last visitation and this is exactly the type of thing that e-funds are for.