QOTD 5/16

minionlover · May 2014

Would you ever allow your parents or your inlaws to live with you?

minionlover · May 2014

Nope. DH is completely against his mom ever living with us and my parents are firm believers that parents should not move in with their adult children. They are also believers that adult children should not move back home for extended periods of time.

goatlady12 · May 2014

NOPE! They would drive me insane. My dad is a strange duck and his parents are helpful to a fault. I could handle my mom, but she'd have way too much pride to move in with any of her kids.

ramstein1027 · May 2014

Yes, if they were sick and needed to be taken care of. I'll never put any of our parents in a nursing home. If they need professional care, I'll pay for a nurse or whoever to come take care of them at home.

WillyH19 · May 2014

We'll, I feel like it is well documented how I feel about my MIL...and considering my parents are staying with us now, I'm going to go with no.

brainybrunette · May 2014

If they were sick, maybe...but otherwise, no. Both my mom and my in-laws would drive me nuts.

As far as the whole taking care of someone who's sick thing...

My grandfather has Alzheimer's Disease, and my mom thought that she could take care of him at home. That worked for about 7 years, but as the disease progressed it just became too much. Even though she had nurses come in to help her, it got to the point where he could no longer walk and there's no way that she could lift him. Even before then, he would wander so my mom had to set up a bed alarm (it went off when he tried to get up), I don't think that my mom slept for years because she'd be listening for the alarm. He's been in a nursing home for the past 7 years, and it really has been better for everyone.

ramstein1027 · May 2014

Sorry about your grandfather

Alzheimer's is truly the worst. I would have to make an exception for that. (I just see a lot of people dumping off relatives who don't need that much care, so that's what I meant. Elder Law classes have traumatized me!)

mrshall1027 · May 2014

Well, we will be staying with my parents while we find our next home and we're planning on that being at least a year. It's going to be rough, but we'll make it work.

As for our parents living with us, yes we'd be ok with it. We've actually tried to get H's dad to come live with us, but he won't. He's in his 80's, very poor health and is alone a lot because H's mom has to work and has to travel some. The main reason we want to buy land is so that we can later build a casita for his parents to live in (at least his mom if his dad passes before that time). My parents are pretty independent so I'm not sure if they'd ever want to live with us, but I'd be fine with it.

If the situation called for it, I'd have them in a nursing home, like in Nic's grandfathers case.

ramstein1027 · May 2014

Yeah there are definitely certain situations in which nursing homes are the best/only option.

Other than that, my family has a long-standing tradition of moving in-laws/parents in when they're old or sick. My grandma built a small addition to her house so that my both my great grandmas could live there.

islandmonkey8 · May 2014

If it was the best thing for everyone, yes. But neither of our family's have ever had something come up that this was needed. Our parents/grandparents are very independent.

LDubHawksFan · May 2014

I hope it doesn't come to that but I'm not sure.

chasemamabear · May 2014

Yes, infact my mother shares a home with us out of financial need on both sides. There are times I wonder if my marriage would be better if we had more privacy but overall it works well. We all contribute to the home and she helps me with the kids when need be. Right now, more than ever, this living situation is entirely necessary.

linnae939 · May 2014

Alzheimers runs in my mom's family, and so it looks like a real possiblity for us down the road. my mom made me promise her that we'd put her in a place before she gets like my gramma (who currently lives with my mom and dad). His parents...never.

catwine · May 2014

NOPE NEVER. my dad let his father move into our apartment when I was little and it was supposed to be temporary but he never left (he moved in because my grandparents got divorced). My grandpa moved with us to the country and it was really difficult having him live with us, especially when my dad moved out but left my grandpa!

My mom said she would never move in with us and I also wouldn't want my in laws either. I know I'm not capable of caring for my parent's if they got sick later in life (they aren't even 50 yet) so I'd want to hand their care to a professional.

My mom also believes once her kids move out, they don;t come back (unless it was for a predetermined amount of time in case of an illness or financial crisis).

MrsH1027 · May 2014

frank139@msu.edu said:

Yes, if they were sick and needed to be taken care of. I'll never put any of our parents in a nursing home. If they need professional care, I'll pay for a nurse or whoever to come take care of them at home.

This

ETA: I do understand that sometimes a nursing home is best, and I'm not completely against it like in the situations above. My great-grandfather had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, so I understand there are certain circumstances. The nursing home was the best thing for him, but I still feel a little traumatized by going to visit as a child. The place he was in was great, but still left a lasting impression on me.

consciousdear88 · May 2014

If it came down to it due to some sort of bizarre circumstance, I'd be fine with it. Otherwise, no.

I love my parents, but I'd feel like living with them would make me feel like I was still a kid living at home. (Even when I was 20-something and in college, I felt like I was being treated like I was little by them)

With H's parents, I'm impartial to the idea. We did live with them during the first few months we were married, so I'm used to that. But, we have different tastes/beliefs in things. So, that would be odd to readjust to all over again.

xxjen015 · May 2014

In most cases, I'd say probably not. I love my parents to death, my mom is one of my best friends, but I can't handle being around her for more than a few days without the two of us getting on each others nerves. We do better distanced. H's parents...definitely couldn't do it.

DanaOcNy · May 2014

I see a lot of elderly patients and have already had the conversation with my mother about what she wants to happen when she and my father are older. They do not want to burden us with having to care for them if they are ill. If this was something that came up now due to unforeseen circumstances and they needed to move in to survive then that's a different story.

Both sets of parents would drive me nuts and we could probably deal with it for a little while. Long term I couldn't handle either set !

sjs1013 · May 2014

I think so. My father built an apartment in our basement (where H and I live) for his parents when I was about 7. My grandmother's sight was quickly deteriorating and she was showing early signs of Alzheimer's.

My parents have always been very supportive of me and I would do the same if it was needed. I would also gladly take in H's parents if they needed it.

mana8503 · May 2014

Yes. It so almost a reality last year when my mom got sick and they couldn't handle her medical bills plus everyday stuff like food. Jeff offered for them to move in, no questions asked. His grandmother lived with them his whole life, so that's what he's used to. Thanks to ACA and disability, my parents are in a better place. But they know our home is theirs if they need it. We have plenty of space.

MIL is a different story. But I don't see her leaving NC Anytime soon.

ETA - this is why saving for retirement is huge!!!

QOTD 5/16

Re: QOTD 5/16

Choose Another Board

Search Boards