Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Post funeral meal?
DH and I were discussing the funeral we are going to on Saturday. It is for a good friend and we expect 15-20 from our friends group to attend. Good friend is survived by his mother and single brother. We have met brother once and have barely met mother; other friends probably have similar experience. Most in our group, including us, have only known this friend for 2-3 years so family interaction has been extremely limited---not like how it might be with a friend you have had from childhood. We are wondering about post funeral plans. I'm thinking our friend group will all decide to go out somewhere together. DH says we should wait and see if the family is doing anything.
What do families typically do around here? For family funerals (all in MI) I have always attended the post funeral lunch. It is usually at a restaurant or catered at a hall. I would feel guilty going to a family hosted luncheon with a group as large as ours (will cost the family $$$) and I think that type event would usually be more family and long time friend centered? DH has experience with his family in OH where someone hosts a casual get together at a house after and a larger group might attend. When he told me this I was surprised that our experiences were so different.
Re: Post funeral meal?
His family and the Christian side of my family host a lunch at a church hall after the funeral, announced by the officiant during the ceremony. The Jewish side if my family hosts a lunch at the home of a close family member.
I would wait to see (a) how many people attend the funeral and (b) what the family arrangements are. If the turnout is huge, then your group can go out for a private lunch. But if for some reason the turnout is small because people can't come from out of town, small family, etc, then you might consider going to the family lunch. Mom and brother might really enjoy talking to your group and hearing about your friend through your experiences. You can share stories and find memories that family members might not know. It's worth staying if you can provide comfort/happiness for the family members.
So sorry for your loss.
Dh is from western NY and they did lunch at a family member's house for his grandmother's.
From who we know, lunch at church seems to be common.
I agree with Amy that I would just wait and see.
So it may be moot if your friend's family doesn't want to hold a lunch after.
For DH's mom and dad we had a lunch afterwards at DH's brother's house. I think we picked up some fried chicken, but most of the food was sent by friends and family. When his dad passed away a lot of his friends/coworkers came in from out of town. I know my husband was very touched that they made the long trip (from Key West and other places) and enjoyed talking to them about their relationships with my FIL.
For my grandmother lunch afterwards was at the church hall and for my other grandmother it was at the hall of a local senior center (probably not typical for most, but this is where we host all of our family holidays because my dad's family is HUGE.)
I would also play it by ear, but if it seems like it wouldn't be a burden to the family, I would try to go where they're going, because they may enjoy talking to you.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)