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lilkayg0823 · June 2014

Leftie22 · June 2014

I understand that it sucks when people are annoying about a wedding, but honestly, how has he made your engagement awful? You're giving him way too much power if he's able to spoil your engagement for you just by being a loser over unrelated things (your FH not helping him, cars in the driveway?) It's a fact of life that just because you got engaged, doesn't mean everyone is suddenly going to be amazing, helpful and as concerned with your wedding as you are. Some people won't care, some will be unhelpful and some will be flat-out bossy and obnoxious. Try to let the little stuff go, do what you want with your wedding party etc, and involve your FBIL as little as possible. Don't talk about wedding stuff with him, and if he gives you a suggestion, just say "oh, I've already settled who's doing my flowers/cake/music etc." As for him stealing the spotlight, that sounds a little dramatic. Other peoples lives don't end just because you're getting married. Unless he's planning to jump up and grab the mic at the altar while you're saying your vows, him being annoying and insulting isn't stealing your spotlight. It's just being obnoxious. Try to brush it off, do your own thing, and don't start booting everyone out of the wedding. This is your FH's family for life, so try not to start things off on the wrong foot. They're going to be your family too, for better or worse.

BlueBirdMB · June 2014

If that's what's making your engagement awful, you must have a pretty sweet life. I had serious in law issues- they made my life a living hell about our wedding. I think you are probably exaggerating your upset over the matter- or at least I hope you are. You can cut him out of the wedding talks and just move on. You won't even think about this a few months after you are married. Hang in there.

Disneygeek77 · June 2014

Well it was kind of jerky for your FI to say he would help him and then change his mind. I mean really, he couldn't go one day without seeing you ? I know if someone did that to my husband, he would be mad too and I imagine your FI would be too if his brother told him he would help him and then changed his mind.

Now, that being said, that doesn't give FBIL the right to bad mouth you and it is good your FI told him to stop.

If I am going to be completely honest, your post comes across as if you are looking for something to be angry about. What is wrong with telling you his GF could help you because she is taking a course in wedding planning ? Sounds helpful to me. And he is right, there is a chance she will be your SIL one day so it wouldn't hurt to reach out to her and at least try to establish a good relationship.

TarponMonoxide · June 2014

kgutowski09 said:

Help!!!

I'm new to this but need some major advice. Here is a bit of Background: future MIL lets my future BIL control him. Still lives at home and has been dating this new girl for about 6 months now. ( not a fan of BIL GF) When we got engaged in Nov 2013 My future BIL never really was excited! He also had just began dating the girl he is dating now. Any wedding plans we have talked about BIL has tried making everything about him and his GF. He also has insisted many times that she needs to help me plan just bc she is taking a wedding planning course. ( I am the type who likes to do things on my own, and also don't know her much or want her help) BIL has said that he is marrying this girl so she is going to be my FSIL someday and It seems like he wants me to have her be in the wedding. ( Im all set, already have my bridal party)

Any ways, this past weekend My FBIL asked my FH for help doing some crazy work thing, and he originally said yes then switched his mind to spend the day with me ( I work a lot, we dont live together , and we hardly saw eachother that week). So that started his " dickish attitude" He then flipped out that night over cars being parked in the driveway and said that my FH was p*ssy whipped because he didn't help him with some work thing that day. Which if it were the other way around my FBIL would say I'm busy I'm not helping you. He was an ass and said some very hurtful things in reference to me and I told my FH that if he wants to keep this up that I don't want him to have any part of our wedding. My FH agrees.

I just don't know how to deal with him or what to say! He is a legit A*hole and has made my engagement awful! trying to steal the spot light. Just not sure if anyone has dealt with a FBIL who is a dick/selfish/A*hole/who cares about nothing but him and his GF!!

HELP!!!
Any thoughts or comments would be great!!!

Know what you do?

Spend as little time near him as possible.

Ignore everything he says...and do not discuss any wedding plans in his vicinity.

This too shall pass; that gf of his can be gone tomorrow.

After you are married, do not spend time with him. Avoid him at all costs. If you go to some family party and he is there, say "hi" and keep going.

He's woefully immature and that his parents enable him is another story. This guy will never grow up, will never get married and will be the same ole schmuck his whole life; I have experience; I have a sibling who is the same as FBIL of yours. You have my sympathies.

TarponMonoxide · June 2014

In regaard to this

. He was an ass and said some very hurtful things in reference to me and I told my FH that if he wants to keep this up that I don't want him to have any part of our wedding. My FH agrees.

Your FI should let his brother have the opportunity to step down from the wedding.

"Jim, if you want out of the wedding, no hard feelings. I don't think you are 100% on the bus with being in it. So if you say no now, it is no big deal"

And if he says no, have 2 guys escort one lady. Anything goes these days.

Why can't YOU tell BIL to shut his mouth? If you don't do this now, he'll forever have you as his punching bag. Nip this in the bud NOW. Do yourself a favor...the wedding is one day but this character will be around for a lifetime.

Tofumonkey · June 2014

My mother's wedding picture is funny because when you go through the picture with her siblings you have the whole.... and this is her youngest sister, then her middle sister... and her ex husband... and her older sister... and her ex boyfriend.... and this is her brother... with his ex girlfriend...

And for this reason I kind of feel that unless they are married into the family they shouldn't really be all that involved.

Other than that I fully agree with the other posters that you are giving one guy waaaay too much power over your wedding and engagement. So what? Stop involving him.

VOR · June 2014

I agree- you're giving him way too much power. You know he's a jerk so why are you surprised when he acts like one?

And just stop talking to him about your wedding.

GilliC · June 2014

kgutowski09 said:

Any wedding plans we have talked about BIL has tried making everything about him and his GF.

I'm genuinely curious about this. I've never really met a guy who was that into wedding plans at all, much less trying to make someone else's wedding all about him!

Could you elaborate?

Because I'm picturing your FBIL all set to wear a white dress to your wedding and fussing over the flower types you're choosing for table arrangements!

YankeeGirlGoesSouthern · July 2014

When my husband and I were engaged, his family turned weird, including his brother, so I empathize with you. His brother called up a few months before the wedding and told us he was pulling out of it. Seriously, people will get over themselves. It's your day.
Don't let him pressure you or your FH to include his girlfriend in those photos. YOU don't know where that relationship is going to be in 30 years down the road, but those pictures are forever! I would at the least invite her to the wedding, but include her? Um, no.
Do keep in mind that this guy is going to be a part of your family very soon, so be pleasant. But don't let him dictate your relationship.

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