Family Matters
mrsdoubleyou
newb
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
'Secret' new niece or nephew
Hi there,
About a month ago, my half-brother announced to our mother and her other son (my other half-brother) that he and his semi-steady girlfriend are expecting a baby.
At the same time, he made sure to tell his son (my 8 yo nephew) and his ex (mother of my nephew). I am still very close to his ex, regard her a sister-in-law far more than the new girlfriend, etc.
On that note - the only way I know about the new baby is actually via his ex. She very innocently rang me to ask if hubby and I were excited to be getting a new niece or nephew and in so doing realised that my family had actually not told me this news.
I am not surprised my half-brother did not tell me, as we haven't been very close the last few years. There is 20 years between us (he is almost 50, I am late 20s) and I think he resents me that 'I got Mum' and he didn't (he was an early teen when Mum broke up with their Dad and left; shortly after this she met my Dad and raised me on a daily basis)
The part that does hurt me is more that my Mum hasn't told me. She and I are pretty close or so I thought, as much as she gets her 'son time' with her boys in their own time since they don't seem to be very fond with me, she gets plenty of 'daughter and son-in-law time' with me and my hubby.
So she would know it's not in my brother's realm of possibility to tell me about the new baby, but I thought she would let me know, look you are getting a new niece or nephew.
I know she's not waiting until a 'safe' period in the pregnancy as the pregnant lady is 26 weeks along. So technically it's not a secret for health reasons and besides the rest of my family all already know.
I've seen my mum heaps over the past month that she has been carrying this secret and despite me dropping hints here or there she is just not going to tell me!
My question is do I let on to Mum that I do already know and that it hurts I am being excluded from the new baby's life? Or do I sit tight for 14 more weeks until the baby arrives and see if they really intend not telling me till it's born?
Thanks in advance,
Mrs D
About a month ago, my half-brother announced to our mother and her other son (my other half-brother) that he and his semi-steady girlfriend are expecting a baby.
At the same time, he made sure to tell his son (my 8 yo nephew) and his ex (mother of my nephew). I am still very close to his ex, regard her a sister-in-law far more than the new girlfriend, etc.
On that note - the only way I know about the new baby is actually via his ex. She very innocently rang me to ask if hubby and I were excited to be getting a new niece or nephew and in so doing realised that my family had actually not told me this news.
I am not surprised my half-brother did not tell me, as we haven't been very close the last few years. There is 20 years between us (he is almost 50, I am late 20s) and I think he resents me that 'I got Mum' and he didn't (he was an early teen when Mum broke up with their Dad and left; shortly after this she met my Dad and raised me on a daily basis)
The part that does hurt me is more that my Mum hasn't told me. She and I are pretty close or so I thought, as much as she gets her 'son time' with her boys in their own time since they don't seem to be very fond with me, she gets plenty of 'daughter and son-in-law time' with me and my hubby.
So she would know it's not in my brother's realm of possibility to tell me about the new baby, but I thought she would let me know, look you are getting a new niece or nephew.
I know she's not waiting until a 'safe' period in the pregnancy as the pregnant lady is 26 weeks along. So technically it's not a secret for health reasons and besides the rest of my family all already know.
I've seen my mum heaps over the past month that she has been carrying this secret and despite me dropping hints here or there she is just not going to tell me!
My question is do I let on to Mum that I do already know and that it hurts I am being excluded from the new baby's life? Or do I sit tight for 14 more weeks until the baby arrives and see if they really intend not telling me till it's born?
Thanks in advance,
Mrs D
Re: 'Secret' new niece or nephew
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Don't make THEIR relationship about YOU. It's not about you, and this baby announcement isn't about you either.
But Stop playing games and "hinting" that you know. You know so just say "Oh, mom, I heard the news about Brother! That's awesome!".
Stop playing games and stop making this about you. It's so NOT about you.
Anyway thanks again for your replies :-) cheer guys!
Mrs D
My advice- temper your expectations around this. HOPEFULLY it will work - perhaps you'll form a decent relationship w/ his GF and you never know, maybe that will open a path to a better relationship w/ your brother.
BUT. Realize that his girlfriend may not have any desire to be close to you/ "have a relationship" with you. Especially as you even said yourself that you see his ex as more of an SIL than this girl. If you haven't been close to her/haven't made an effort up until now, she MIGHT be put off if you now suddenly show an interest in her only because she's PG.
YOU want to be a close, involved aunt. That's great. But they may not particularly want that. Just be careful. Watch your expectations, and also try to follow their lead too. Try to work WITH them - don't try to bully your way into their lives, all under the guise of "but I want to be close to my niece/nephew!!".