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ja67
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Overreacting? Annoyed with Friend
So I wanted to get some input regarding some feelings I'm having towards someone I would call a good friend, not sure if I'm overreacting or not. We work in the same company and talk/text almost everyday, however we having varying schedules and are busy, however we try to hangout. For quite some time now I have realized that whenever we're both free I ask her to hangout and often times she says she can't because she's so busy or has work to do, so I've come to accept that she's not one of those types that is always down for anything and/or reliable to hangout with. Things kind of came to a head this past weekend.
Sometime in the middle of last week she mentioned us getting brunch together on Sunday. On Saturday we were both off and I asked her if she wanted to hangout, but she had work to do so I didn't want to bother her, and I told her I have to go into work that night, but I mention getting brunch the next day (Sunday) which she agrees to. Later that Saturday night, I am working a night shift and she group texts me and another friend (whom we both know but aren't as close too) about brunch the next day because apparently that friend had wanted to hangout too, which was fine. I'm busy working and can't get to my phone, but they end up making plans to get brunch the next day at 10am at a restaurant which only had a 10am reservation available. Keeping in mind we were very capable of going to walk-in restaurant or someplace totally different with other reservation times, but they chose that place and time. My close friend knew I was working until late on Saturday. Well I end up getting home at 2am Sunday morning and decide I'd rather sleep than wake up for an early brunch. So I let her know I won't make it, which was too late since they were sleeping, and they go to the 10am brunch anyways.
I was kind of peeved by this whole thing, feeling left out and that my friend wasn't being very thoughtful, making plans without my input even though we had discussed the idea previously. I'm certain she didn't act this way on purpose, maybe thinking I'd still make it to the early brunch despite working late. More so, we all live pretty close to each other, and in the midst of the group text on Saturday night, they started making carpool plans together without me included, as if they already knew I wasn't going to make it (maybe because I wasn't texting back?) Am I wrong to be annoyed by this? It is a relatively small thing, but I know if the roles were reversed I would have handled the planning differently. What do you all think?
Sometime in the middle of last week she mentioned us getting brunch together on Sunday. On Saturday we were both off and I asked her if she wanted to hangout, but she had work to do so I didn't want to bother her, and I told her I have to go into work that night, but I mention getting brunch the next day (Sunday) which she agrees to. Later that Saturday night, I am working a night shift and she group texts me and another friend (whom we both know but aren't as close too) about brunch the next day because apparently that friend had wanted to hangout too, which was fine. I'm busy working and can't get to my phone, but they end up making plans to get brunch the next day at 10am at a restaurant which only had a 10am reservation available. Keeping in mind we were very capable of going to walk-in restaurant or someplace totally different with other reservation times, but they chose that place and time. My close friend knew I was working until late on Saturday. Well I end up getting home at 2am Sunday morning and decide I'd rather sleep than wake up for an early brunch. So I let her know I won't make it, which was too late since they were sleeping, and they go to the 10am brunch anyways.
I was kind of peeved by this whole thing, feeling left out and that my friend wasn't being very thoughtful, making plans without my input even though we had discussed the idea previously. I'm certain she didn't act this way on purpose, maybe thinking I'd still make it to the early brunch despite working late. More so, we all live pretty close to each other, and in the midst of the group text on Saturday night, they started making carpool plans together without me included, as if they already knew I wasn't going to make it (maybe because I wasn't texting back?) Am I wrong to be annoyed by this? It is a relatively small thing, but I know if the roles were reversed I would have handled the planning differently. What do you all think?
Re: Overreacting? Annoyed with Friend
So, because you were at work and couldn't get to your phone... your friends weren't supposed to make/ finalize any plans? That's kind of the way that I read this. You say you feel left out, but left out of what? They were including you on everything - you just weren't able to answer.
As far as the carpool, you could have said "Oh- hey, could I ride with you all?". Yes, your lack of response may have made them just talk to one another, but i would imagine once you spoke up, they'd include you.
And why didn't you go? Was it REALLY just because you wanted to sleep, or is it because you were feeling petty and wanted to "show them" and not go? Be honest with yourself on this. Because for the fact that you say "they went anyway", I think you were playing games. You wanted to see if they'd wait for you. But... that doesn't make sense either. You text and say "I'm not going to go. I want to sleep" - how long are they supposed to wait for you? Did you tell them "I can go at 12" or did you just think they'd sit around and wait?
It sounds like there is a bigger issue here, though, w/ your one friend. You both seem to have really busy lives and it's hard to get together. I'd be sad about that. And if you were hoping to have some one on one time to catch up, maybe next time say that. "Hey - haven't seen you in forever. Would really love to get together one on one and catch up.".
And I will throw you a bone - yes, if friend A and I had tentative plans and then after friend B was pulled in, they took over the planning, I'd feel frustrated. BUT I also don't go periods of time where I'm unreachable. If I were out of contact for hours on end, I'd have to put some of that frustration aside because it's simply not fair to expect them to sit around and wait indefinitely.
You bailed at the last minute and you are mad at them? Huh???!!
What time did you expect brunch to be? As of Saturday night you didn't have any concrete plans for brunch and you never gave a time. And you are mad that your friends did?
You are wrong.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
And yeah - home at 2. Even if it takes you a while to decompress before falling asleep, easily could be asleep by 3. Wake up at 9? that's 6 hours. Really not all that bad. Which is why I go back to thinking the OP cancelled because she was testing them.
If there are other cases where she cancels on you or makes you feel bad, first stop and think critically about whether or not you're expecting too much. If you still think she's treating you unfairly, talk to her about how it's making you feel, and see if there's something you can do to improve the situation. Maybe having a reserved night to have dinner together every few weeks?