Family Matters
SuesEque
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Married With Roommates
My husband and I will have been married for a year in September. Before getting married, we discussed the possibility of roommates, and both agreed that it was important that we spend at least the first year living alone, to get used to each other.
However, my sister married my husband's brother in January, and their living situation(living with our husbands' parents) is not one that my sister is comfortable with. The parents fight all the time(with each other, and with my brother in law), and the home is not one where my sis can relax, and get her work done. She tries to keep to herself, to get peace and quiet, but even that isn't okay, because then they're mad that she doesn't spend enough time with them. My heart has been breaking for her, and I desire so badly to get her out of that situation.
About a month ago, I went on leave from work for health issues, and my sister started staying over frequently to support me. Frequently became every day for a week, and then two, and so on. At this point my husband and I decided that we wanted to help them, and went against our earlier agreement, extending them an offer to live with us.
My sister was ecstatic! She just kept staying with us, and her husband comes and goes(returning to appease his mother, who is not happy about my sister's absence), but whenever we bring up rent, things get weird. They become really wishy-washy, saying that we never sat down to discuss rules and expectations.
The back and forth, coupled with the stress of my health issues, my husband getting a new job, trying to keep learning how to live as a married couple, and now trying to accommodate and adjust to this new presence in our home has been wreaking havoc on our relationship. I find myself taking my sister's side, or the other way around, and I feel like we're reverting to former family norms.
Now I'm wondering if I made a mistake. I actually said that out loud last night, and they both freaked out, and said they were certain now that they want to live with us. How can I live with myself, and send my sister back to that place?! How can I live with myself, and go back on that offer? I have to protect my marriage, and I believe we can survive them living here, but I'm concerned about the cost... I need help.
Re: Married With Roommates
WHY do they live w/ his parents anyhow? And I side-eye the fact that he goes back there to "appease" his mom.
This is not a situation that's going to work out - it's simply not. You need to tell your sister that this isn't working out. It's becoming a problem in your marriage AND you and your DH can't afford to support her.
I was blunt about it. Now get into action and get them the heck out of there.
This is why it is never a good idea to live with other people and a worse idea to more or less do buisness with family members: this is going to be arguments and possible bad blood.
Get them out of there. You are not their free hotel, their concierge, their cook, their cleaning staff, their wine sommoliers, their entertainment staff and you are NOT their free ride.
How can I live with myself, and send my sister back to that place?! How can I live with myself, and go back on that offer? I have to protect my marriage, and I believe we can survive them living here, but I'm concerned about the cost... I need help.
Excuse me but how can you WHAT?!?
You are also developing a codependency with Sis. Not healthy and not good and yes, you jeopardized your marriage....your husband comes first, not your sister, because now he is YOUR FAMILY.
Not Sis and not BIL and not your parents...you and your H are one family unit.
She is over 21 and and adult. She can figure this out for herself.
And if they cannot afford to pay for their own place, yes, why are they even married at all? Do they think they can live on love? haah -- let 'em "start livin"....because the Hotel SuesEQue is now CLOSED!