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iztac92
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
to soon to give up? or has it really been to much? please read
I am fairly new to writing in the blogs but I need to vent out and I have no one that I truly trust to talk to about all this.I come from a traditional family were moving in with someone before marriage wasn't going to fly,and I honestly felt that for me was the right thing to do to make my parents happy and yes for my self. I felt like I was doing the right thing,so when my now husband used to say he wanted us to move in together I always said no so when we get married something will be new and exiting. We loved each other so much and we had our bad moments but we had great amazing times, he was affectionate always passionate adorable and I actually new the way he lived or thought I did.
The day we got married he was amazing so sweet he cried I didn't holding me hugging me being so attentive, I was like great this is the beginning of a beautiful life together. Well I was wrong or honey moon was fun but I did notice a decrease in his sex drive we got back home and things just got worse he a smoker and a drinker so all he seemed to ever do is smoke and drink in the garage and that begin to cause the bickering" we have a new home, there are so many things to do lets fix it up" and I would I would get that I make him feel uncomfortable and if I told him how I felt i would just get 'hmm' as he plays on his phone and the sex came less and less from his part because at this point I still wanted to try and I was doing anything I could do to make it better. He wanted little to do with me. We would go weeks with yea having a good time and then fighting on both ends I admit sometimes I can get a little moody and crazy but if I tried to go anywhere near him he would reject me I asked him if it was me or if it was someone else if he didn't feel attracted to me anymore for any reason he would say he loved me and wanted me just the same he just wasn't in the mood and nothing was really turning him on he didn't even feel like doing it on his own. I tried to be understanding but I did maybe at times come our as pushy. And I felt guilty like if me wanted to have sex wtih my husband was bad. but I now realize there is nothing wrong with me wanting my husband.
I did start to suspect an affair, so this all caused tension between us until a blow out ( NOT THE LAST ONE) We fought we argued finally he said that he was stressed he loved me ect. He needed a day so he asked me for a day on our own I went to my parents house for a night. He did call me and want to text me alot but i refused saying he wanted to take a day to think and not talk.The next day I came home after work he was asleep his watch( never wheres it) was out on the table I did get suspicious at that he only wheres it to go out. So yes I went for his phone as I went in to kiss him ( it was in his hand). he got mad and tucked it away went back to sleep. I got more suspicious but went to watch tv and cool down after a while I went to try and apologize give him a kiss and say lets go out to dinner when I got close I smelt cologne again only wheres it when he goes out, I nicly asked him what was up with that, ignored me and wanted to sleep more i looked in our closet a sweatshirt was on the floor i picked up strong cologne sent i looked at felt like I was in a f***ing movie when I saw the long blond hair stuck to it. I flipped out horrible fights for the next few days he denied he had cheated but I do feel like most of the time when a women feels something were right. He said all he did do was go out with a few coworkers and he might have gotten the hair like that idk after a few days of both just hating on each other he came to me and said he was sorry we talked hugged kiss and made up
After all that things seem to get better and yea we were arguing here and there but all in all we were good we even talked about me going of the pill. And then the cycle stared again the sex stopped if I try its not cool. So my insecurities came out and I felt like this time aroundi took a better handle at it after a Month i picked a good time to talk to him and let him know that if there was anything wrong he could trust me he did talk to me about its just he hates his job and the stress it brings feels like I just pick the wrong moments to try and we talked about allot he said he ws sorry and he would make an effort, I was making an effort to help him feel calm at home but his smoking and drinking have always bothered me I tried to lay of of that and let him be , things got somewhat better although all of this put stress on me and I started feeling depressed any time I a was alone I would just cry and think where all this was going? one day he feel asleep on the couch when I got up for work I saw him up right crooked neck I went to tell himt o lay down but my insecurity got the best of me grabbed his cell and 1st thing I see when I unlock it is a picture of one of his coworkers that he had recently introduced me to topless i flipped out and slapped him awake , I know violence is never right but it was almost a reflex when I started confronting him he genuinely seemed confused but I didnt care? I left for work and when I got home much calmer and we both talked and he said it must have been an accident because he was texting her at night but nothing like that .. at this time I felt like ok but I wouldn't kiss him , because that's something that has not ever stopped on his end wanting to kiss me just no more then pecks. then is when he wanted to have sex .. like WTF . I did end up confronting the girl and she said she was really sorry but it was meant for her BF. IDK after a while I did try to move on but nothing has happened with us yet its been almost 3 months and I honestly yes still want him but I gave trying to its no fun getting rejected even just to make-out with your husband.
Last night he like most nights stayed up watching tv drinking smoking and eating . I went to bed and at like 1 went to go get a glass of water again saw he was asleep neck crooked all folded up I told him to come to bed he woke up and just gave me this look like I had done something horrible trying to help him out. He yelled at me for some reason yea he was kinda moody just waking up I let it go just went to back to bed and saw he was coming so I just layed down kinda ignored him I got up to close the door because our dogs sleep in the room with us when I got back to bed he took the blankets off and started pushing me of the bed saying something.. I yelled at him to stop... I started sobbing once he stopped and he like immature person he is just turned up the tv I walked out to compose my self told him I was done with the bullshit. I was not going to sleep on the couch so I gathered myself and went back he stared to talk to me in an aggressive way all I said was im done talking going to sleep and just kinda ignored what he was saying. He has never hit me but he has done things like this before .I know this does make him sound like a bad guy but yes I am about to go there.. he really is very sweet most of the time and he has been stepping up lately but at this point im not sure if i still love him. I do love him but im not sure whats keeping me there anymore like there is the fact that we've only been married for 6 months maybe things will get better I cant just get a divorce because things are hard or im not getting any. Like it sounds dumb I want to give it a year but I fear I am just going to end up so depressed either way I cant see my self with out him but idk what were doing together I honestly do know he loves me, but im not sure what to do. I did recently get him to agree to therapy but im not sure I want to go anymore. I just need some advise. I apologize for all the misspelling run on sentences ect but really was just trying to let it all out.
Re: to soon to give up? or has it really been to much? please read
Get this sham of a marriage annulled.
You and he are growing apart, NOT growing closer together.
You have strife and a lack of intimacy; he's up to something fishy and you cannot trust him and he DRINKS TOO MUCH!!!
Based on the fact that he has a problem with booze and he will not clean up his act --- it hasn't even crossed his mind to get to AA --- leave him.
And then get to an attorney and get this marriage annulled in a court of law. Your marriage will be nullified --- legally the marriage never will have taken place.
Don't even tell him you are leaving him. Pack your things and go when he's at work or at school ----- and when he gets back let him figure out what happened...he'll "get it" when he finds out you are nullifying the marriage.
Keep a charged up cell phone on you and a sufficient amount of money. I suggest you go home to your parents. Get away from him and do it tomorrow.
The 2 of you sound very young. I am guessing you are a scant 21 years of age, judging by your screen name. As you can see, 21 year old males are very rarely ready for a lifetime committment.
You and he wer never ready for a lifetime committment. Sorry.
29 and 22??? How old were you when this overgrown schoolboy started to date you?
I can't tell you how wrong this is. A 29 has very little in common with a 22 year old and vice cersa.
He is NOT serious about ending the drinking problem. For that alone, LEAVE HIM.
There is nothing at all here for you.
And if you do not like drinking?
Why were you dating a guy who DRINKS???
When you get this annullment under way:
NO DATING FOR AT LEAST TWO YEARS....along with therapy for you.
Yoo also need to grow up! You slapped him awake?! What kind of mature and rational person acts like that?!
He could be clean as the proverbial whistle but your problem, too: You cannot trust him. And he treats you like trash. Why did you think this shithead was such a great prospect for marriage???
A sheriff could come and padlock the home after you've legally had him evicted. See if that's possible; this way, he will not be able to attain entry.
Again, you will need to speak to a real estate attorney about all of this. You need to know the nuances of what is involved and how quickly you can have him legally evicted.
Since you want to give this marriage a shot I would recommend counseling. If it is truley his job that is making him unable then he needs to start looking for a new job or maybe even consider going back to school to improve his chances at a better or different career. I could see how being unhappy at work can cause unhappiness at home. You spend most of your waking hours at work & if you are miserable there that mood can come home with you. Then you are depressed & miserable at home. When you are depressed/miserable you smoke & drink more. I know from personal experience from someone I was involved with in the past way before hubby that the more he drank the more it effected his sexual drive to the point, there wasn't any. You two definaltey have issues and you may not be able to work through them because if he's not willing to change things won't get better. Counseling may or may not save your marriage, but maybe it help to make things more tolerable until you decide what you are going to do & if you split, make the split easier.
Your age differences now are vast. How old were you when he started dating you?
It also sounds like he might have been your first and only boyfriend (high school boyfriends don't count; you are only learning to get your feet wet in the dating world and what high schoolers have a "realtionship"? Nearly none...much too early to think about dating one person and one person only!)
Get to an attorney and get this sham of a marriage annulled. He's a drunk that doesn't have an ounce of resepct for you. That's nobody to be married to.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I'm not convinced he's at work as often he claims... If he wants to cheat, he will find a way to do so (including lying about going to work so it seems like he doesn't have "time" for things unsavory)...
You will be so much better off without this drain on your life. Seriously.