Family Matters
Gus59
newb
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My family from overseas wants to use me
A couple of years ago I made the trek from my birth country to California (being a US citizen myself). Back in the day, it was REALLY tough for me to find a job in my birthplace, so I decided to invest all my savings to finally get away from that dead-end hole. Some family members disrespected me during those times, nobody supported me while I was trying to accomplish my goal and most took me as a joke when I said I was leaving.
I built myself a new life here with friends, a job and my own place and ppl back home seem to look at me in a different way now. Thing is: an uncle of mine who was in a better economic/social standing wants to send his son here with me so I help him to make a living in this country. The guy always treated me like I was incapable of accomplishing anything on my own. He constantly teased in front of people to embarrass me, he even treats me mom like she's worthless and inferior in comparison with others. He's the kind of guy who always seems to get away with everything he does and he thinks he's better than the rest. He's capable of lying, exaggerating details to make everything he does look better. I know he still derides me and he wants to use me to get his son a better future here. Now I can choose on what side of his tales I want to be: the one who turned his back on the family or the ''worthless'' one who's been ''surpassed'' by his son in the new country.
My cousin is also a US citizen and is already learning English. We have some common family here they hadn't talked to in years and I was the one who got in touch with them again. They helped me a lot through this time and we built a really nice relationship with one another.
Now that I'm established my cousin wants to move in with me and wants me to get him in touch with our family here. I'm going to say NO to the first one. No matter what they think. But I'm really afraid he's gonna screw things up with the local family. His personality is way different from mine and I've never liked him quite much besides the rivalry with his father. And like I said, I have a nice relationship with this people and I don't want this guy to screw it all up.
I worked really hard to get where I am and I'm not willing to be used be people who deride me. So I was wondering if you got any suggestions on how to discourage this guy from coming (which seems difficult) or on how to make clear I don't want anything to do with him if he comes here
Re: My family from overseas wants to use me
Definitely say "no" to him living with you, but come up w/ a list of resources to give him.
As far as your local family goes, introduce him to them, but then leave it at that. I REALLY don't see how his behaviors/actions will fall on you if you just keep your distance from him.
If your family back home gives you a hard time about it it may be time for some harsh honesty. I'm sorry, I've worked hard to build myself a life here and Uncle was a very negative influence in my life before I cam here. I'd prefer to maintain the distance from him that I've worked hard to establish.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
These people were outwardly rude to you when you made a plan to come here, but now it's cool because they want you to take somebody in.
Say no to this.
Simply because you do not have to and you are not obligated and it is not mandatory.
"I'd like to help you but sorry, I cannot accommodate John. Tell him I wish him good luck" and that's what you tell them.