Relationships
cutesmile86
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Please help me understand
This is about the same guy I was writing about before that I accepted bread crumbs from. Thanks to the advice I got here I wised up and left the relationship. I refused to settle for those crumbs knowing I deserved better. No matter how much he tried to convinced me with his bull shit lines, I paid attention to his actions that said it all. I just don't understand why he did this to me, he insisted so many times on not letting me go but yet refused to put any effort. He would literally cry and beg when I wanted to end things. Yet every chance I gave him, he made no effort AT ALL. Its like my emotions were a game to him. If he would've just let me go sooner than later the damaged wouldn't have been as bad. Unfortunately by time it came to an end I was already attached. I realize its my fault as well for allowing it.
His behavior just made no sense me at all. Why all the persistence just to turn around and treat me like I'm nothing. The way he treated me overall just really crushed my self esteem. In an attempt to make sense of it all I ran into this book called Men Who Can't Love. A lot of what it said made a lot sense. How he came on really strong despite that I wasn't all that interested at the beginning. Then he made me feel sympathy for him with things he would tell me about. When I found myself falling for him I saw him as this really caring guy, I opened my heart because I thought I could trust him. After a month is when everything started changing. We only dated for four months. But the book did help me have some closure and start moving on with my life. It explained that a guy like this has a lot of personal issues, he can't even understand himself. But the problem lies with him no matter what I did, it wouldn't have made a difference. I blocked his number knowing I just couldn't allow myself to care anymore.
Until recently, my stupid self was bored and got curious to see what he was up to on FB. It seems like he is now in a relationship with someone else. I know it makes no sense at all but it really hurt me a lot. He's showing her off publically and I never even got that. Really I never got anything at all like I wasn't even worth the minimum effort or anything. I know its shallow to think looks even matter. But I can't help to think why wasn't I good enough for even that and what makes her so much better. She's very average looking. And I know looks aren't everything. But its not like my personality sucked. I was kind, understanding, patient, thoughtful, etc. I don't get it. I feel like I'm back to square one and the pain really sucks. He's move on and I'm over here still trying to overcome this whole thing. Its pathetic! I just don't know how to deal with this pain and anger. I know I don't want him but at the same time I feel like the one who got rejected over & over and was not good enough.
I want to pretend I never even met him but by doing that its like holding on to anger. This allows him to still have an effect on my emotions. I need to only forget but forgive. He hurt me a lot. It was not fair and now he's the one who's move on. I tried dating before but I just wasn't ready. I need to deal with my issues first. How can I get past the feeling that I was just not enough for him and begin rebuilding my self esteem?
Re: Please help me understand
These guys are all gaga and gung ho over you...and before you know it, the person changed his mind: the phone calls stop, the texts end, he's never around, you're left home sitting on the shelf.
Who can explain why these guys do what they do? Who can explain why the women who like them like them like they do?
"There is a sucker born every minute" is the ole addage. Often as not one minute has been busier than the next. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Why don't you write a "Dear Jerk" letter --- but DO NOT mail it --- make it as long and as scathing as you wish and when you are done, burn it, destroy it or delete it.
You probably didn't get any closure. That's too bad.
Would cry and beg when you wanted to end it? Passive aggressive and not very grown up. Find a MAN, not a monkey.
I don't pity the other person who now has him as a for-now boyfriend --- she knows just what he is yet she is still dating him. Tough for her.
Why not consider therapy for yourself? Break the pattern once and for all; learn how NOT to attract the fly by nights and jerks.
A counselor can help you work through these feelings and move on, and she can help you learn more about yourself so that you can recognize and address your attraction to this kind of guy in the future.
Learning more about yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself right now!