Husband vs. Family

Re: Husband vs. Family

• Disneygeek77 member

  

  June 2014

  I would ask when how much time he is comfortable with.  Is it once a month for a few hours ?  Then so be it and schedule it and then go by yourself to the other family events or spend time with your husband.  

  
  

  Remember, some people simply don't like spending a whole lot of time with their ILs and can get burnt out easily.  They would rather have time to themselves, their friends, their family and their spouse.  That is ok and doesn't make them bad or wrong and it doesn't mean they don't love and care about their spouse.  
  

  
  

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• VOR member

  

  June 2014

  i would assume you ask him why he doesn't want to go. So... why? ANd to follow Disney - how often do you see your family? And how long have you and DH been together? As in- how long has he had to see - especially before you got married - what life w/ your family is going to be like?

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  June 2014

  You need to sit down and talk to him about this, at length.
  
  Maybe something happened and he's not being forthcoming about it.
  

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• Ilumine mod

  

  June 2014

  louandbean said:

  My husband has recently started avoiding doing things with my family, and it bothers me! My family is very tight-knit and we like to spend time together. A few months before our wedding, he was gung-ho about being a part of the family and spending time. But lately, it's like trying to pull teeth. He can't even be bothered to reply to my father's Facebook messages or text messages. My family always asks about him when I show up to events alone, and they try really hard to work around his obscure work schedule. Every time though, there's another excuse. 

  
  

  Why is he doing this? How can I get him involved again? 

  I honestly think you need to take a cold, hard, truthful look at your past, present and future interaction with your "close-knit" family and be honest with yourself. 
  

  
  

  Now, I have a very large, very close-knit family.  HOWEVER, I also have a very realistic view on how we are and their expectations of the family vs the "norm" (and when I say "norm", I mean compared to what my husband's norm). 

  
  

  Knowing that, I presented my family (expectations, warts and all) to my then BF to their fullest extent, so he could understand where they were coming from.  And I ALSO presented my expectations for how I saw extended familial relationships (mine and his) would go, were we to become married.  

  
  

  Ie, he knew going in where I and then were coming from AND how much I was willing to compromise with his expectations/desires.  

  
  

  And guess what - even after seeing how I am with my family, having huge ass conversations with then BF and FI about how much time I wanted to spend with them vs how much time I would turn them down....he was STILL shocked when push came to shove and our post marriage life.

  
  

  Because EXPECTATIONS are just that - EXPECTATIONS.  

  
  

  Which brings me to your family's expectations of DH?  Because how they treat HIM is as important as how your DH treats them.  Were the expectations of a boyfriend different than of a SIL?  Do they treat him like a son-in-law or a SON-in-law?  Are those FB posts and texts your father sends ones of a peer or ones of a father figure toward a child?  

  
  

  Be honest with yourself before you talk to your husband.  And then adapt your conversation about your expectations of your family with your extended family to what is really happening.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Emmy1493 member

  

  June 2014

  I would talk with him about why he is hesitant against spending time with your family. To echo PP's, did something happen to make him not so interested in family time with your folks?

  
  

  I kind of am in a similar situation. H always wants to go see his family. If not every weekend, every other weekend it seems. His folks live about almost an hour and a half away from us. I hate always going there. It is not that I do not like them, I love them a ton but feel like a homebody. We both work during the week and I just wanna be at home with our fur babies on the weekends when were off and spend time with him and I. The thing that helped us get through that though is communication and understanding. I have to communicate my feelings and he needs to understand them. Vise versa too.

  
  

  I would also look into what you plan with family. Maybe bring the activities down a notch or two if they are very often, and set some boundaries if needed. Your parents will understand, but you need to make sure you are being fair to H. But let H know that you expect him to spend some time with family. He also needs to support you in this. GL and hope this all works out for you both!

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