Family Matters
cftaylor2013
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Are We Being Jerks?
My husband's parents have invited my father in law's dad, 2 brothers and their son + girlfriend for Father's Day weekend festivities. It's a tradition for them. My husband and I live in the same town.
The problem we are running into is his mother (again). She has made weird, veiled references about us hosting some of these people at our house. For instance, at a brunch about a month ago, she laughed lightly and commented, "you guys might get some of our overflow guests." Awkward silence. Then last night at my husband's softball game, she asks me, "has Hunter mentioned that I've been teasing him about pawning one of the uncles on you? [insert weird chuckle] We figured if we gave you the choice you would choose Grandfather." I responded, "no, he never mentioned that." End of conversation.
When DH and I discussed this last night, he admitted that she had made a few similiar weird, veiled references to "pawning" some of the guests off on us. Finally, she told my DH that they had booked a hotel room for the uncles, adding in some veiled comments in an effort to evoke the Catholic mother guilt and manipulate my DH into offering our house. He made it really clear (to me) that he did not want to host his uncles. They are "wild cards", according to him, and he doesn't want them in our house.
My opinion is: we did not invite any of these people, so we have no responsibility or obligation for their accommodations. His parents are solely responsible for hosting and planning this weekend. They invited more people than they can accommodate, and they have known this for months. Had his mother asked us with courtesy and forthrightness to accommodate a few guests, we might feel differently.
However, we agreed on a united stance that we are relieved of any guilt or concerns about being selfish. Furthermore, I think mutual decisions like this are a very valuable and healthy method of DH and I communicating effectively and creating healthy boundaries with his family. Left unchecked his mother would happily control every aspect of our lives.
Re: Are We Being Jerks?
But all these hints? Um, no. Speak up to what you want.
And even then, if you still wanted to say "no", you're allowed to do that.
Everything the PP's have said. Just because your MIL overbooked herself doesn't mean you and your h should have to clean up the mess.