Relationships
TarponMonoxide
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Won't be able to convince her not to date him
In fact, she needed to run like hell.
Long story short:
Friend has been seeing Bob since February.
Bob was in a relationship with another lady for years --- he was engaged to her for a good chunk of that time but they never married; that's a cute story in itself.
Bob hasn't got very much to offer my friend. (he had a stroke years ago and he's got a disability benefit coming in, plus she also knows him from AA) As usual, she's with a guy who is the bottom of the barrel...and to top this off, he is an old friend of a former boyfriend of hers.
She knew the couple intimately...and just for the fact that she knew the couple, not a good idea to date Bob.
She's over the moon about this relationship. I only found out on Wednesday that she was seeing him; I couldn't place who he was -- she was being pretty evasive about it ----until she said "This is Bob who was engaged to Mary...." Gee, this really is great news.
Probably never told me until now because she knows I will tell it like it is. Or perhaps she knows that this realtionship isn't a good idea.
It's not a good idea because he is rebounding. Would any of you want to be a rebound girl? No, you do not and neither would I.
At the very least she needed to say "Bob, this isn't a good idea. You were engaged all those years and at this point, I am going to have to say goodbye and good luck" -- but that wasn't going to happen.
I couldn't place him when she said his name was Bob. I kept asking her "where do you know him from" and then she finally (and reluctantly, I think) said who he was and what the details were.
Considering who he is and what his background is, not a good idea to date him...but she isn't going to see it that way.
Long story short:
Friend has been seeing Bob since February.
Bob was in a relationship with another lady for years --- he was engaged to her for a good chunk of that time but they never married; that's a cute story in itself.
Bob hasn't got very much to offer my friend. (he had a stroke years ago and he's got a disability benefit coming in, plus she also knows him from AA) As usual, she's with a guy who is the bottom of the barrel...and to top this off, he is an old friend of a former boyfriend of hers.
She knew the couple intimately...and just for the fact that she knew the couple, not a good idea to date Bob.
She's over the moon about this relationship. I only found out on Wednesday that she was seeing him; I couldn't place who he was -- she was being pretty evasive about it ----until she said "This is Bob who was engaged to Mary...." Gee, this really is great news.
Probably never told me until now because she knows I will tell it like it is. Or perhaps she knows that this realtionship isn't a good idea.
It's not a good idea because he is rebounding. Would any of you want to be a rebound girl? No, you do not and neither would I.
At the very least she needed to say "Bob, this isn't a good idea. You were engaged all those years and at this point, I am going to have to say goodbye and good luck" -- but that wasn't going to happen.
I couldn't place him when she said his name was Bob. I kept asking her "where do you know him from" and then she finally (and reluctantly, I think) said who he was and what the details were.
Considering who he is and what his background is, not a good idea to date him...but she isn't going to see it that way.
Re: Won't be able to convince her not to date him
The fact that he is in AA, has had a stroke & on disability is no factor to me. Without know the details of why Bob was engaged to Mary for so long and didn't tie the knot & then the engagement being called of it's hard to say. I do understand your concerns about your friend being the rebound relationship and getting hurt and that is what I would approach her with. But just because he was engaged to someone you know and it didn't work out, doesn't mean that he's not a good fit for her. Can you provide any details on why they had a long engagement & then it was called off?
Who knows what happened here that they broke up? I didn't get those details and I don't think I'm going to ask.
He and she are not kids. They are much older people.
By "he's collecting disability" I meant that this guy is the same as her constant companion, who died 5 years ago --- he was the same: in the program, was collecting disability toward the end --- it's like she is looking for a guy to more or less replace Sam. I don't think it is a healthy pattern.
She was also secretive about this. Been seeing him since February and she didn't say so? Maybe because she knows this is not a good idea.
I would not want anybody who is on the rebound. Those things never work out. And why should you more or less be "second rate" compared to who it was the guy was seeing before you?
I'd have taken the ring back and said to her ass, " "Call me your girlfriend'??? I'll go you one better than that: I won't call you at all" and fled the scene, leaving her behind in the dust.
My xH said it a long time ago when he was still in the picture: "She's too helpless and looking for somebody to 'fix.'" He was right.
I was at affairs at her house where Bob's "girlfriend" stood there like a rock while he filled plates of food for her. She didn't lift a finger to help. To watch how he more or less waited on her like a slave was just plain bad.
And any guy who permits anyone to order him around? That is ON HIM and that is HIS fault. Fool me once and all that other kind of thing. If you permit it, you like it. That's my take on it.
This is a pattern with her. When she was on the outs with the first guy, she started seeing somebody who got injured during Desert Storm -- he was living in some type of public housing and had a service dog for balance issues.
And every one of these guys are cheap. DIRT CHEAP. Thrifty?? No: cheap.
I don't know why it's like thi with her -- she's attractive and smart, yet she signs on to these little nobodies. This is too bad -- but this is also her choice.