Sex & Romance
sjoymex
member
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H wont give me oral
Awkward...H hates to give me oral. He says he can't breath. Is there something I can do? I suggested putting a pillow under my butt to be at a better angle but now he refuses to even try. He's done it only once or twice in the 3 yrs we've been married. Very frustrating! Any ideas on how to make him like it or at least be willing to do it once in a while?
Re: H wont give me oral
A guy who won't ante up in the oral department....don't get me started on somebody who is selfish and hung up.
What about before you were married? did you just now notice that he won't go down?
Maybe this was fine when you were dating but you figured once the officiant said "I now pronounce you husband and wife" your now-H would grab you and turn into a lean mean oral sex machine.
NOPE.
The second you found out that oral was not his thing, you should have found a guy who was YOUR thing: a guy who would go down and would do so successively every time you have sex and even then some.
And that should have been when you were dating and you became sexually active with him: moved along when you found out what the deal was.
In fact when you broke up, this is what he should have gotten: "I am going my separate way. I need a guy who is mature and open minded about sex; you won't go down on me and sorry: that makes you a loser."
If oral is important to you, sit him down for a long talk, outside of the bedroom. Tell him how important this is to you (and i would go as far as to tell him no oral for HIM unless he antes up for you. it is a 2 way street) and he's got to tell you exactly why he's so reticent in this department.
Lurves like crazy to get oral...but to give you some? Icky and poo poo.
Again, where did you get this gem???
He owes it to you to fix this.
If he won't, rethink him. On the whole he sounds like he's quite the trip to be married to, judging by this post and the prior ones you've posted here.
There was an erectile problem --- did he have that attended to? VERY important --- remember what I told you; his health could be on the line...
And then there is this, from a year and a half ago:
I need help! My husband hardly EVER asks for anything sexual and if he wants anything its always for me to pleasure him and I usually get forgotten even if prior promises were made. Its now been a month since we've had sex. We've only been married a little over a year. This shouldn't happen yet! Right? This is not the first time its been this long either. Has anyone else experienced a husband lacking in sexual drive this much before? Seriously he doesn't even want to be pleasured that much himself either. I have to pester him and almost beg for sex somtimes. PLEEEASE help me!!
P.S. I've explored the possibility of him maybe going to other...sources...but I'm absolutely positive that's not it so if that's your input please don't waist your time.
You've got a bunch of problems here:
There is sexual incompatibility, or so it seems. He also is lazy (you complained about him not pulling his weight around the house) and he doesn't even seem to care to work on ANY of this with you.
I strongly suggest a counselor for the both of you and a sex counselor would not be a bad idea, either.
Get to the bottom of this. 3 years is a long way to go with a whole labyrinth of problems like the ones you described.
And if he refuses to work on any of the problems, or pull his weight, YOU decide where you want to go at this point. Don't waste 47 more years with a guy who, wow, is so stubborn and lackadaisical.
Got a diagram of a door opening with him being led through it and out of the door?
That is the diagram he needs.
Lack of oral sex isn't her problem. Her problem is HIM, period -- look at her posts from the past: he has been a continual problem.
When it was clear he refused to go down on her, that is when the OP should have addressed the problem with him. If this happened when they were dating, she could have cut bait and left -- and found another boyfriend who was a bit more broad minded and adult.
There is a lack of sexual compatibility. There's been a problem with that area for 3 years and I am p retty sure he was the same beforehand.
The OP needs to wonder if she really needs a "husband" like hers.
Let me be clear there is nothing wrong with being gay- but there is something wrong with hurting someone else bc you cannot be honest with yourself. And to me thats what this seems like a bit. I mean he couldnt get it up? never wanted to sleep together? Won't go down on her? Deeper than just compatibility. I agree- she needs to decide if this is what she needs or wants in her life. Maybe a little more research is in order on her part. Tough situation.
I don't think she should waste her time researching anything --- have a look at the OP's prior posts --- the relationship is full of problems and not just problems with oral sex. All of this has been going on since they got married (and I am guessing before that, also, and in which case she should never have married this guy). She should sit down with him, tell him that she will not stand for his behavior --- and that he and she are to see a counselor together to resolve the problems -- and that he is to readily and fully comply with working on their problems.
If he refuses counseling she should consider showing him the door. It takes 2 people to work on a marriage and if he's not fully game, there's no chance in hell for them to rectify and fix anything.