H won't let me go out.

Along52612 · July 2014

So my husband and I really do not have many friends. It mostly just is two. I have work friends and my one good friend I have in all of FL. Is going to the Orlando ale house with her husband and some of our co workers to watch our. Co workers sing karaoke after work. I said I would come. But when I asked my H if I could go( he works night shift) he said no and is getting very jealous. We never go out and do thing. This is the one time since we have been married that I have been asked to hang out. He won't let me go. We are both upset. He had trust issues and I know that I just would like him to let me go. I would love him to come with. Is it bad that I want to go with out my husband?

bpphoto785 · July 2014

No, it is not bad that you want to go out without your husband. Yes, you should spend time together but you should also spend time apart. This is something you two really need to talk about and sort out.

mildlymailyn · July 2014

H encourages me to spend time with my friends and I do the same for him. I think it is necessary to have some time apart.

Talk to him.

mancila60 · July 2014

This is going to sound mean but he is your husband not your dad. He can ask you not to go but he can't make you stay home. Now with that said I can understand your H being jealous of you being able to go out and him having to work. I understand it even more because neither of you really have any friends there yet. You both need to sit down and talk about these things and do that very soon.

Melissa51212 · July 2014

My H and I are very independent of each other, we go out all the time without each other and also go away a lot without each other. It is about trust. I know I have my best friend at home and no matter what i do or who I talk to will change how much we love each other. I do think we are probably the minority in how independent we are with each other, so you just got to find a good balance that works for you both.

You need to discuss this, you need to be able to go out and meet people to have a happy life. You don't have to be going out all the time but while he is at work you shouldn't have to be home being lonely.

Good luck!

JoyBaby5 · July 2014

I agree with everyone that you need to talk about it with DH. It's not healthy to have one person be controlling in a relationship.
While I am more of a homebody, and don't have many friends now that we moved, I am fine with DH seeing his friends. I will sometimes ask him to spend some time with Leo and I if he asks to go out, but that's just because I miss him or need adult interaction, not because I don't trust him.

Along52612 · July 2014

I try to talk to him but he just gets upset. So stubborn and bull headed. I will try to talk to him again to reason. Should I go out anyways? Even tho he really doesn't want me too. He gets insecure and protective that if I go out I will meet someone and leave him. Which is so silly, but it drives me insane sometimes. I love him no matter what flaws he has just wish he would be ok that I go out on my own. I wish h wasn't so shy at time.

cpm1223 · July 2014

Agree with the other ladies that you need to talk to him about this. I'll admit, when H and I first started dating, he had major trust issues and I rarely went out, but I was miserable! So when I did choose to go out, I called/texted him every so often to reassure him that all was well...and not too long after that the trust built up and now we both are very independent....H goes golfing/hangs out with friends and I meet friends for dinner/shopping at least once per week. And I maybe check in with him just to see what he's up to every few hours or so. Your H needs to let you be your own person....you are not required to only go out as couple, and to be honest that's not healthy for either of you! I personally wouldn't go out without clearing things up first...that could lead to more distrust. But I would tell him exactly now you feel, offer to keep in touch every hour (or whatever he's comfortable with) so that he sees that all is well!

mancila60 · July 2014

Don't go! That could end up causing way more problems in the long run. I would let him know how it makes you feel. Offer to try to set something up with the girl and her H one night when your H can attend. That way he gets to meet them and get to know them so that maybe it will help ease his trust issues.

court115 · July 2014

Wait...this is the first time you've asked in 2.5 years? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go out without him. DH and I go out without each other often. Sometimes I need girl time and sometimes he needs guy time. In fact, he's out right now. As much as I love him and I love being with him, right now I'm thrilled that he's out because it means I can watch Dance Moms and drink a glass of wine

Definitely don't go but still try to talk it out with him. See if there is something that you can do that will make him feel better about you going. You can't stay locked up forever.

spalko · July 2014

I agree with all the other ladies. The two of you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about what the underlying issue is. Where is the trust issue coming from? Why do you have to ask his permission? Does he ask your permission to do stuff without you? Definitely DO NOT go knowing that he is upset because it will only add fuel to the fire. Turn the TV off and have a real, honest conversation so that you can work on this together. If you don't address it now things are only going to continue to get worse and you might grow to resent him.

H won't let me go out.

Re: H won't let me go out.

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