Getting Pregnant
myhart15
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
LACK of baby fever, but MAYBE want it? (long debate)
To have or baby, or not have a baby - that is the question.
It's a toughie. Just celebrated 3 years married (12 since we started dating). My husband was ready on our wedding day. I was not. I fluctuated with the idea of a baby, probably about 2 years ago. Not full on baby fever, maybe baby hot flash. I've put the idea on the back-burner and just don't have a desire right now. DH and I both got promotions in the last year, so schedules have been stretched and our time together is limited. Not ideal to start a family (or even raise a family, for that matter).
I left a large office to work in a new department alone (1-woman show), and I think my lack of socialization with other women may have put the idea of a baby even further into the back of my mind. A close friend of mine in my old office and I used to talk about getting pregnant together. Since I've been gone, her pregnancy has come and gone and she has beautiful little girl. I honestly think that if I stayed in my old office and watched her pregancy progress, that I would've had baby fever by month 5. But I didn't, and I don't.
Disclosure: while we are not trying, we are not preventing, either. Also, I have some medical issues and 2 years ago switched to pregnancy-safes meds, just in case. (Crazy work schedules doesn't exactly leave much time for romance anyways, but that's another topic)
Additionally, I have aging parents, with deteriorating health. I want to make them grandparents before it is too late. :-( I know this may not be a valid reason, but part of me think that I am selfish for waiting. "Time is of the essence." "Tomorrow is not guaranteed." "There is never a perfect time." -All valid points but I have this overwhelming LACK of baby fever that keeps me from doing anything.
I can argue this in my head on both sides. But I'm hoping some of you can weigh in.
Pro Baby: I'm 28, don't want to be OLD parents. My parents are mid-60s now. If I wait much longer, they may not be around, or healthy enough to enjoy their first grandchild (my siblings have no intention of procreating). I want to enjoy a full family. I always wanted kids, and I wanted them in my early twenties. Early twenties have come and gone, so what am I waiting for? Jump! I also (maybe naively) believe that if a grandchild is in the picture, that it can 'will' my father into better health. (He'll take his health more seriously, he'll have a reason to smile, it'll motivate him to stay around). We know he has numbered days...
Another (probably terrible-sounding) reason - to make DH happy. (He really wants one, and I'm on the fence, so logically I want to lean towards him. He had baby fever since we got married, but hit him really hard when he turned 30 last year. It's dwindled down and he's thinking more practically about it now.) He's get depressed episodes sometimes, and I just want him to be happy.
BIOLOGY. I learned that about 90% of your eggs by the time you hit 30. What?! I'm closing in on 10%! That's it? TMI-alert - I got my period at 10yrs. I've already wasted 18 years of eggs? I better get on with it!
No Baby: LACK of baby fever. Just no desire right now. I had a bit before, and I wish I had it now - but nothing.
"Why rush?" Wait until you're ready.
I want to get a masters degree and have put it off because my schedule has always felt too overwhelming. Add in a baby and I'm afraid I'll never get back to school (not because of the baby, but I think I will lose my desire). Although I'm not worried about money, I don't think that we can handle it right now. We are in a 3rd floor walk-up (old victorian 3-family house). I can't bear to walk all those stairs now. I don't think that I'll last 9 month with 30 more pounds on me. And there is no way that I have arm strength to carry a car-seat with baby plus baby bag etc. I'd have to take a break mid-flight. (dream would be a house, but we can't afford one in the near future.) Finding a 1st, or even 2nd floor walk-up might sound like a solution, but we have such low rent in a decent part of town, with nice landlords, that it's not worth leaving. (am I selfish for not wanting to carry my future child up and down 3 flights? Also, no washer/dryer - I don;t want to wash my baby items at a laundromat (call me a snob, idc).
I could go on forever... Any advice? Comments? encouragement? Empathy? I'll take anything.
Also - I am moderately religious, and mostly I pray for guidance.. because I don't know what to do.
It's a toughie. Just celebrated 3 years married (12 since we started dating). My husband was ready on our wedding day. I was not. I fluctuated with the idea of a baby, probably about 2 years ago. Not full on baby fever, maybe baby hot flash. I've put the idea on the back-burner and just don't have a desire right now. DH and I both got promotions in the last year, so schedules have been stretched and our time together is limited. Not ideal to start a family (or even raise a family, for that matter).
I left a large office to work in a new department alone (1-woman show), and I think my lack of socialization with other women may have put the idea of a baby even further into the back of my mind. A close friend of mine in my old office and I used to talk about getting pregnant together. Since I've been gone, her pregnancy has come and gone and she has beautiful little girl. I honestly think that if I stayed in my old office and watched her pregancy progress, that I would've had baby fever by month 5. But I didn't, and I don't.
Disclosure: while we are not trying, we are not preventing, either. Also, I have some medical issues and 2 years ago switched to pregnancy-safes meds, just in case. (Crazy work schedules doesn't exactly leave much time for romance anyways, but that's another topic)
Additionally, I have aging parents, with deteriorating health. I want to make them grandparents before it is too late. :-( I know this may not be a valid reason, but part of me think that I am selfish for waiting. "Time is of the essence." "Tomorrow is not guaranteed." "There is never a perfect time." -All valid points but I have this overwhelming LACK of baby fever that keeps me from doing anything.
I can argue this in my head on both sides. But I'm hoping some of you can weigh in.
Pro Baby: I'm 28, don't want to be OLD parents. My parents are mid-60s now. If I wait much longer, they may not be around, or healthy enough to enjoy their first grandchild (my siblings have no intention of procreating). I want to enjoy a full family. I always wanted kids, and I wanted them in my early twenties. Early twenties have come and gone, so what am I waiting for? Jump! I also (maybe naively) believe that if a grandchild is in the picture, that it can 'will' my father into better health. (He'll take his health more seriously, he'll have a reason to smile, it'll motivate him to stay around). We know he has numbered days...
Another (probably terrible-sounding) reason - to make DH happy. (He really wants one, and I'm on the fence, so logically I want to lean towards him. He had baby fever since we got married, but hit him really hard when he turned 30 last year. It's dwindled down and he's thinking more practically about it now.) He's get depressed episodes sometimes, and I just want him to be happy.
BIOLOGY. I learned that about 90% of your eggs by the time you hit 30. What?! I'm closing in on 10%! That's it? TMI-alert - I got my period at 10yrs. I've already wasted 18 years of eggs? I better get on with it!
No Baby: LACK of baby fever. Just no desire right now. I had a bit before, and I wish I had it now - but nothing.
"Why rush?" Wait until you're ready.
I want to get a masters degree and have put it off because my schedule has always felt too overwhelming. Add in a baby and I'm afraid I'll never get back to school (not because of the baby, but I think I will lose my desire). Although I'm not worried about money, I don't think that we can handle it right now. We are in a 3rd floor walk-up (old victorian 3-family house). I can't bear to walk all those stairs now. I don't think that I'll last 9 month with 30 more pounds on me. And there is no way that I have arm strength to carry a car-seat with baby plus baby bag etc. I'd have to take a break mid-flight. (dream would be a house, but we can't afford one in the near future.) Finding a 1st, or even 2nd floor walk-up might sound like a solution, but we have such low rent in a decent part of town, with nice landlords, that it's not worth leaving. (am I selfish for not wanting to carry my future child up and down 3 flights? Also, no washer/dryer - I don;t want to wash my baby items at a laundromat (call me a snob, idc).
I could go on forever... Any advice? Comments? encouragement? Empathy? I'll take anything.
Also - I am moderately religious, and mostly I pray for guidance.. because I don't know what to do.
Re: LACK of baby fever, but MAYBE want it? (long debate)
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
I know the choice is up to me, but I think that's the biggest part of my problem. I don't know what I want. indecisiveness at its best.
I know I would be happy to have a baby, but I don't know if right now is the time.
Also, again, 30 isn't 'old'. I have a 9 month old and just turned 33. My dad will be 70 this year. These were not things thr factored into my decision to try to have a baby, I tried when I knew that I was ready. Take everyone else and their wants out of the equation and focus on you.
My new bff Gayle Forman!
“You can have your wishes, your plans, but at the end of the day, it's out of your control"
- Gayle Forman
"People talk about escapism as if it's a bad thing... Once you've escaped, once you come back, the world is not the same as when you left it. You come back to it with skills, weapons, knowledge you didn't have before. Then you are better equipped to deal with your current reality."
- Neil Gaiman
Married Bio
Basically, to me, it sounds like you're not ready just yet. And there's nothing wrong with that. At 28, you still have a LOT of years left to bear children should you choose to do so. At least 10+ years. Could you revisit the topic again in 6 months/1 year to see how your thoughts may have changed? Enroll in school, look for a different place to live, whatever. It is what it is. My advice would just be to not stress about it but have a heart to heart conversation with your husband and lay out all of these things you listed above and see what y'all can decide together. Then get proactive and DO something. Either work towards the goals you want to accomplish before baby, make a decision to start TTC, or make a decision to not TTC and not go for the goals. Whatever.
TTC and having a baby is scary business, no matter how badly you do or don't want kids (or just aren't sure, like you). I am TERRIFIED of getting pregnant, having a baby, how things will change, but I desperately want to get pregnant. I only say that to let you know that you can still be ready for kids and scared to death lol. Based on your post though, I just think you need more time to decide. You're young, so don't fret!
In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my LIGHT, my STRENGTH, and my SONG!
T-TTC since Dec 2008. PCOS/nonexistant cycles(anovulation) and endo. HSG in '10 revealed both tubes blocked. Lap surgery in Dec '10 to correct. Failed Clomid/IUI and injectable(Bravelle)/IUI cycles so far.
I'd wait.
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TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermI've always wanted to have kids, but I think perhaps the novelty has worn off. I have 6 neices and a nephew that I spend tons of quality time with, and I often take on a parenting role with them. (Novelty of "oh the baby!" has transformed into "why is someone not watching you?")
I'm not afraid to be a parent. I'm confident in that aspect. Up until recently, I have had no problem waiting.
I think, though, with so much going on around me, reminding me that life is not guaranteed, I'm afraid that I will miss the opportunity to be a mother. Is that crazy? I know, I'm only 28, and I should have my whole life in front of me. But, I look at my other hand and see that I've luckily made it to 28. Life is short, and I shouldn't put off on something that I think will make me happy.
It feels more like my practical instincts are fighting against the "carpe diem" mentality I, sometimes, try to have.
To update you all - my father's condition is not improving and he may need a kidney donor. So at this time - that is my focus. I recently was tested to see if I would be a match. If so, it puts the baby debate on the back-burner again. And I think I'm OK with that.
Thanks for this, bubblegum1309. I feel as if I can relate to you response most. Ideally, I would want the house first - but like your mother (and mine as well) believes - there will never be a perfect time. Honestly - just seeing these responses and genuine concern have settled a bit of my anxiety. I think I was more anxious about making a decision that I was about the actual though of having a child. I cannot express my gratitude enough to you and everyone else who took the time to read my run-on post!
Gl.