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IF IT AIN'T BROKE...

My husband and I have been together since 2000, married since '09. I think we were together 24/7 before we were married. After we were married everything seemed to change. I suppose this is normal to some people, but it breaks my heart that we are always arguing and disrespecting each other! I know fairy tale marriages don't exist but I wish we were more like before. We rarely have sex anymore! And it's usually me having to initiate it, while he's like a bump on a log. Then it only lasts about 5 minutes!! I am sooo not happy!! I find myself wondering why, and do I get out?! I find myself thinking maybe I'd be better off single. As well as we should've never gotten married in the first place! He almost never says anything that isn't a  critizism and I hate trying to fish for a compliment that isn't genuine! Yet if anyone else should "notice" me he gets insanely jealous! Doesn't realize if he doesn't appreciate me there's always someone who will. Not that I want that, but attention and affection (something I don't get from him!) is what I direly need!! Well hope someone can say a lil something that helps, don't know how long I can do this.  

  

Re: IF IT AIN'T BROKE...

  • edited July 2014

    My husband and I have been together since 2000, married since '09. I think we were together 24/7 before we were married. After we were married everything seemed to change. I suppose this is normal to some people, but it breaks my heart that we are always arguing and disrespecting each other!

    Stop and get some counseling immediately. Find out what is the root of what is causing the arguments.

    Perhaps you have even fallen into a rut or gotten into some glitch in communication. Counseling asap.

    I know fairy tale marriages don't exist but I wish we were more like before. We rarely have sex anymore! And it's usually me having to initiate it, while he's like a bump on a log. Then it only lasts about 5 minutes!! I am sooo not happy!!

    Not happy?

    Well, have you addressed this problem with your H?

    If not, I suggest you do.

    I have said it before and again I am saying it: communication is key.

    Talk to him outside of the bedroom and the 2 of you come to a solution together. It is normal for passion to wane and when you are together for awhile, the frequency of sex diminishes.  Twice a week would probably be fantastic for the both of you.


    I find myself wondering why, and do I get out?! I find myself thinking maybe I'd be better off single. As well as we should've never gotten married in the first place! He almost never says anything that isn't a  critizism and I hate trying to fish for a compliment that isn't genuine! Yet if anyone else should "notice" me he gets insanely jealous! Doesn't realize if he doesn't appreciate me there's always someone who will. Not that I want that, but attention and affection (something I don't get from him!) is what I direly need!! Well hope someone can say a lil something that helps, don't know how long I can do this.  

      
    Better talk to him as soon as you can: about your sexual rut, your problems in communication and the way YOU feel.

    It's a  must he attend counseling with you. If he will not go, it is not a good sign.

    Ways you can spice things up: go pick out a sex manual togehter -- try a mainstream bookstore and get a sex manual written especially for committed couples --- start there.

    You might also jump into the shower with him and then let nature take its course. That's probably something you can do tonight and/or tomorow.:)

    Let us know what happens. Life isn't meant to be lived like this.

    He needs the counseling for the jealousy issue alone: that needs to end and end now. It's childish and it's inappropriate and it is also something that can get out of hand.

    Would it hurt him to tell you you look nice today?

    Or that the dinner you cooked was fabulous?

    It would not hurt him at all: he needs to get with the program.

    Counseling stat -- and you tell him what you told us. Get results WITH him; you and he are a team and he owes it to you to derive at a solution that is acceptable to you.
  • Have you maybe fallen into a relationship rut? Try getting back to the things you did when you first started dating & that might help to spice things up. Good luck!!!
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