Married Life
nyc artist
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Kind of disappointed. :/
in Married Life
Hey all, a bit of background...my DH and I are the adventurous types. Going on spontaneous roadtrips and usually doing lots of exciting stuff for birthdays etc. (For example for DH's last birthday I took him on a hot air balloon, and for mine he took me on a sunset kayak tour). Fun stuff!
My birthday just passed a week ago, and well.... we did pretty much nothing! I mean, we went out to brunch, and grilled up some burgers for dinner but he didn't plan ANYTHING. What's worse, is I didn't even get a card. Cards mean a lot to me, and more than a material gift all I wanted was to get a card and maybe have some kind of adventure.
He's been working like crazy lately, so I get that maybe he didn't have time to plan, but I just felt like there wasn't even an excuse, like "hey I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to plan anything cause I've been so busy, but I'll make it up to you soon". It just came and went. My feelings are a bit hurt, but I don't want to come off as some immature 5 year old who needs a big fat birthday celebration all the time. I don't know if I should say anything. Do you think I should just forget about it?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: Kind of disappointed. :/
I get the impression that you guys didn't talk about your expectations beforehand, so your H probably didn't even realized you'd be disappointed. Are you sure that he understands how important the card is? I suspect he doesn't, because that's not something that requires much work or planning. I think it's setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect a big, well-planned adventure every year, but a card should be doable.
I would definitely talk to him, and if you're not acting like an immature 5-year-old, he shouldn't interpret it that way. I would go for something like, "I realized we've never talked about it, but birthday cards have always been very special to me, and I was a little disappointed not to get one. This isn't your fault, but I wanted you to know how happy it would make me next year if you gave me a card."
As for the adventure, wait until next year and feel out the situation then. I'd definitely talk about it beforehand. Tell him how much you liked the old birthday adventures, and ask if he'll have time to plan something, but understand if he doesn't. It may not be as great a surprise, but it's better than having unrealistic hopes and being disappointed.
See... I'm getting mixed messages here. You say it's more about the card - o.k fine, But then you say the above. Wasn't going out to brunch and having dinner together a time for you all to reconnect? How is a card really going to do that more so than spending TIME together?
I spent all day waiting for something and then we put the kids to bed and... nothing. I was like 'what the hell!?!?' to which he looked all sheepish and told me that I said I didn't want anything. I was like 'and you BELIEVED me?!?!?'
So he literally ran out the door and came back an hour later with a painting I've always wanted, flowers, a cake and wine.
I was really hurt, but I probably shouldn't have said I didn't want to do anything for my birthday if I didn't really mean it.
My point is, just talk to him. Find out what was up. No need to blow up about it, but maybe you were sending out signals that you didn't want to do anything?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Like if this was a form he needed to fill out for work, I'm sure he would have made the deadline, but why for me is it ok to wait so long?
I think this is a part of this here too. I get it, my H is the same way in that aspect.. Work will get handled, but when it comes to the wife, she gets put to the side on things.
I would speak up to him about the whole ordeal. It was good you two were at least able to spend some time together. I get that you have always done something exciting, but like you said, work has been way busy. The card, just tell him how you feel. Talking helps, communication so you aren't setting yourself up for disappointment. The more you two know what each others wants are the better...
I agree with all of this. I'm not a big card person either. I've gotten some that are meaningful, but all in all - it's not a big deal to me. this isn't a "Man vs woman" thing.
Love it!