Nervous about getting pregnant (ramblings)

sarahlaserena · July 2014

Hi ladies (and gents too!)

I've been a member here for a long time but was not active on the boards and have never posted before.

My husband and I just got married June 7th, and we have known since the beginning that we wanted to have one or two children. I've always wanted children, but now faced with the prospect of "hey this is actually going to happen sometime really soon", I'm suddenly feeling extra-nervous, and am hesitant to get the ball rolling. I can't really pinpoint why.

I thought it might be that I know it's going to change my life forever, but he pointed out that dating him, moving in with him, getting engaged and married to him, becoming step-mom to his daughter, have all changed my life too, and I didn't feel nervous like this.

Is it because I'm worried I'll screw it up? Is it the impending pain and discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth? Is it something else? I'm not sure.

I guess I kind of assume this might just be normal apprehension, but did anyone else feel this way before their first baby?

RockABye · July 2014

First off, congrats on your marriage! Secondly, it's very normal to be nervous. Heck, DH and I have been trying for over 5 1/2 years now and no matter how desperately I want children, it still scares the crap out of me at times. It's a huge decision and it's very normal to be a bit nervous with something as life-changing as having children! It comes with the territory!

Welcome and GL, btw.. post more so we can get to know you!

sarahlaserena · July 2014

Thank you, RockABye.

I can see from the little bit of exploring I have done that you are a very active member of the community! I admit I'm rather shy (even online!).

I think my husband, while always very supportive of me, doesn't really "get" my nervousness -- he's already got one with his ex-wife, and isn't the one carrying the baby, after all, haha.

RockABye · July 2014

Don't be shy! remember, you have a computer screen you can hide behind! I try to stay pretty anonymous on here which helps when it comes to being shy/not shy!

While some guys definitely get nervous, a lot of them don't.. even who don't already have a child. Like I said, post more and stick around. We're a great group of supportive chicks!

Flamingo86 · July 2014

It's normal to be nervous! I have unfortunately also struggled to have a baby and long to be a mom, but like RAB it still scares me.

cinderin · July 2014

It's crazy not to be nervous!

If you're not ready yet - it's ok to wait a couple months. Jmo but I wouldn't want to TTC right after a wedding, I would want to let things settle down a bit first.

nfp147 · July 2014

Welcome and congrats on your wedding!

I think if someone tells you they are not nervous about getting/being PG or having a baby, they are lying

However, if you are overly anxious or stressed about it, there's nothing wrong with waiting for a few months!

sarahlaserena · July 2014

Thanks, Flamingo and cinderin.

I'm starting to feel less like I'm a weirdo for being nervous, haha.

I guess part of the reason we've been thinking of TTC sooner rather than later is that we don't really have any solid reasons to wait. I'm 30 so I don't want to delay too long, we're not in financial straits, we have a home and a solid support system... but yet I vaguely feel like it's maybe not time yet.

sarahlaserena · July 2014

nfp147 said:

Welcome and congrats on your wedding!

I think if someone tells you they are not nervous about getting/being PG or having a baby, they are lying

However, if you are overly anxious or stressed about it, there's nothing wrong with waiting for a few months!

Thanks!

I would not consider myself "overly" anxious, it's just enough to give me pause and wonder where it's coming from. I'm a very introspective person so I like to try to understand why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.

And I believe my husband when he says he's not nervous, he's super calm all the time, I joke with him that he must be an alien or something because no one is as calm and patient as he is! haha.

Flamingo86 · July 2014

It's ok to wait if you don't feel the time is right. My husband and I waiting to adopt (despite having a house, being in good financial shape, etc.) b/c we just don't feel good about jumping into it right now.

30 is not a fertility death sentence, you still have some time if you decide to wait:). I wish you the best of luck with however you decide to proceed.

BruinsBabe33 · July 2014

Having a child is a huge step and a huge change. He's been through it. You haven't. It is totally normal to be apprehensive. Basically, everything RAB said because she is bloody brilliant. You've gotten great advice.

If you are ready go for it, if you're not, it's ok to wait a bit, too. You need to move at a pace that is comfortable with you.

cinderin · July 2014

The difference between 30 and 31 is really minimal. Give yourself time if you want it.

Apollo11235 · July 2014

I'm actually right about where you are now. I know we have enough money and we're mature enough to figure this ish out. But something is still telling me that I'd be crazy to bring a child into this world: I can't possibly count as a real grown-up yet, right?

It's terrifying, and I really want kids. I have to either decide that at some point I'll feel more ready or that it'll always be this scary and it's time to get on with it. Recently, when I decided that we could probably swing it financially, I told my H that we could discuss it in October. I guess we'll see then if anything has changed for me. Anyway, that's certainly something to try: if you know you want kids, and you're sure you're ready financially, take 3-6-12 months to imagine what it would be like and figure out what you want. At the end of that time, talk about where you both are. A year won't make a significant chance in your ability to conceive, but it may make a humongous difference in your readiness to parent.

sarahlaserena · July 2014

Apollo11235 said:

I'm actually right about where you are now. I know we have enough money and we're mature enough to figure this ish out. But something is still telling me that I'd be crazy to bring a child into this world: I can't possibly count as a real grown-up yet, right?

It's terrifying, and I really want kids. I have to either decide that at some point I'll feel more ready or that it'll always be this scary and it's time to get on with it. Recently, when I decided that we could probably swing it financially, I told my H that we could discuss it in October. I guess we'll see then if anything has changed for me. Anyway, that's certainly something to try: if you know you want kids, and you're sure you're ready financially, take 3-6-12 months to imagine what it would be like and figure out what you want. At the end of that time, talk about where you both are. A year won't make a significant chance in your ability to conceive, but it may make a humongous difference in your readiness to parent.

Thank you. This makes me feel so much better. I'll try re-evaluating after a few months and see if anything has changed. I know my H is ready, but he's fine with letting me take some time.

(And for the record, I don't really feel like a grown-up either -- never really have! haha)

Flamingo86 · July 2014

I feel ya on not really feeling like a grown-up. Sometimes I look around at my grown-up life (marriage, house, job, etc.) and am like "wtf happened?"

Nervous about getting pregnant (ramblings)

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