Money Matters
keverhart123
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Drowning in Debit.. HELP!
My husband and I have been married for almost a year, and it seems like since the wedding we have yet to be able to catch up on bills. Before marriage my husband was the budgeter. He would bring home a new budget every day (can we say.. obsessed??) and as crazy as it drove me, it kept us on track. Since getting married he's stopped with his budgets. We don't talk about bills, and frankly.. we choose to pay our bills last after we have our fun (i know.. this is awful!!) Unfortunately, this has turned into a HORRIBLE habit that we just can't seem to break. I will admit, it's more me than him. But he's just as guilty when it comes to wanting to go out to eat for dinner instead of cooking in. Because of this bad habit we have, we had to move in with my dad because our bills just kept piling up and we couldn't afford renting our house.
Long story short, we need some help. We want to buy our own house, and we are both ready to start a family but we know we can't with our bills behind and not handling our finances well. I would LOVE to hear tips, stories, how you got out of debt, and how you stopped these bad habits. We want to save our finances before we get in too deep.
Thanks in advance!
Re: Drowning in Debit.. HELP!
First thing you need to do- and it seems like you recognize this, is to set down with DH and get a budget together. Look at the rest of the month, create a budget for just the rest of July. It will probably be a horrible fail, but from there you can see where you overspent and create a budget for August that may be a bit more realistic. They key is really not to change it daily. We have a budget and that would drive me NUTS! What we try to do is only change it when we absolutely have to (like something unexpected came up that month).
Several things we have done is to cook big meals in the evening so that DH can take in lunches to work. He was spending up to $50 a week on lunches and that was killing us. I've quit buying coffee out- now it is a once in a while treat as opposed to a couple times a week. We have had to make some serious changes to our budget, but we did it with a huge goal in mind- me staying home with our 1 year old, and also saving to buy a new house. If you both have the same goals in mind, and you really want to get there it can be easy to change.
Another thing I will recommend is to listen to the Dave Ramsey show. He is on AM stations across America, but he also has his own IheartRadio station so you can listen to him there. He wrote a book I would completely recommend called the Total Money Makeover. He has a process called the baby steps that he uses to help couples clear up their debt and then save for their goals and retirement. First step is to save $1000 in an emergency fund. The next step is called the debt snowball- you list your debts out smallest to biggest. You pay off the smallest debt first and then work your way up the list until they are all paid.
You will need some serious motivation, and you will have to create a budget and stick to it, but you can do this! Keep posting here- everyone on here is completely awesome at helping you stay motivated.
Also, don't get discouraged if your first budget in a year + doesn't work out exactly like you want.... it will take time to get it right and to realize where you are spending much more than you think every month. One more thing I wanted to add- we use the cash envelope system (I have an envelope for groceries for instance) and that really helps keep you from over spending. Once the cash is gone, it's gone for the month and you can't spend any more. May be something else to consider- and that is a part of Dave's plan that I forgot to put in here last night.
Do not totally give up things that have been budget busters - allow a small token amount for them otherwise most people will tend to backslide when feeling too deprived.
Track ALL spending - every dollar and that will help you keep on track as to where your money is really going. Pay ALL your bills first (and pay extra on debt to get out of debt sooner.) Stop eating out on a regular basis - make it an occasional treat or reward to reaching a debt pay off milestone. Sit down and identify your goals, then be sure you also have a clear picture of needs vs wants. Fund the needs. Wants happen only when you have met the other budgetary goals. Don't let the indulgences get in the way of reaching the goals that are important to you. You do not have to pay for fun - there is a lot you can do for fun that is free - or very cheap.
You are fortunate to have this opportunity to live with your Dad to help you climb out of debt. Take full advantage of doing just that and show your gratitude to him by your speedy and successful debt pay off and saving's plan implementation.
It is easy to slip into being "the kid" again when living in your parent's home - make sure you remain adults, take on some household responsibilities as well as being gracious house guests even when/if you find your dad annoying etc.
Most parents are glad to help those who are actively working to help themselves, but feel taken advantage of by those who forget why they are living in their home.
Wishing you a speedy financial recovery.
You are having money problems and you aer having a crisis sexually --- I read your other post.
For now, no TTC --- wait a good few years at the minimum.
You need to solve both of these problems together, plus your marriage needs legs.
Ways to cut back on expenses:
Stop eating out a lot
Brown bag your lunches
Cut out unneccesary expenses
Take a bus or train to work, if you can
Walk more to things and places that are within walking distance
Shop only on clearance racks and forget buying anything at full price; wow -- wait for a sale on the item!
Something else I like to suggest:
Make one meal for the entire week --- do this on Sunday -- there's turkey breast, meatloaf, chili, meatballs in marinara sauce, roast beef, pot roast, a stew, lasagna or pasta --- and have that for your dinner for the entire week.
Make variations there of daily: add a salad, some vegetables, some steamed rice, etc.
Getting a part time job -- the both of you! -- is a great idea, too.
Not good.
Starting with this pay period, both your paycheck and his will go into one central checking account; from there, with that money, pay your bills, pay off your debt --- and then put the rest into a savings account.
Take about $30 each of that money for you and he to use as "mad money." That money is spent on anything you want.
Cut out eating out a lot --- make it maybe every other week and only then eat at a very inexpensive restaurant...
Cut out eating out with coworkers on a frequent basis. And if you do, make it maybe onece a week and get the lunch special or something that costs $10 and under.
And I hiighly advocate COUPONS.
Use 'em.
You already received some great advice from other posters, so I will not repeat myself. Whichever method you want to follow the formula is simple. Spend less than what you earn. Getting PT jobs is a very good idea, till you catch up on your bills.
The OP has DD the other 2 posts she's got going, and their titles too.
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Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
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With eating out, I find that we do much better about eating in if we prepare for it. On Sunday, I usually cook ahead (make a few meals we can quickly warm up) or prep everything so all I have to do is pull out a dish and throw it in the oven when I get home from work or put it in the crockpot in the morning. I find if we are prepared, then we eat in. If we aren't it is too easy to say...let's just get take out or eat out.
To save money on groceries, we look at what is on sale and try to base meals around what is on sale. We also use coupons. And we have a rule...if it is not on the list, we don't buy it!
We also pack lunches the night before with the same idea. If I have it all there and ready, I can't run out of time in the morning chaos.
The other ladies here have great ideas. If you get your budget together post it. They are great at figuring out what can be cut and put towards debt.
Also, can you pick up a second job at all? Work nights or weekends until you get your debt taken care of? Wait tables, deliver food, deliver newspapers, work at a local store? You could put whatever you make towards your debt. Also, if you have extra stuff you can sell on craigslist or a garage sale go for it!
You can do it! Make sure those credit cards are cut or put away where you won't use them.
And only then choose the least expensive restaurants to eat at.
You've gotten some great tips here! I would just like to add that saving money is a LOT like dieting in my opinion.. it is all about your state of mind. For me personally, I do horrible if I am constantly thinking "do NOT eat that" or "You can NOT buy that." It makes me feel limited and trapped, then I end up spending/eating even worse!
Instead you have to focus on positive behaviors. If I ever feel like online shopping at work, I instead get on here and read money tips or review my budget or shop for cheaper car insurance, etc. Also think about all the positive, exciting things that you can do once you save your money. Make a plan on how to get there and focus on that.
Another tip is to sit down at the end of the month and look at all your expenses. For each and every expense, ask yourself "Was this a want or a need?" Add up how much you spent on wants and then think to yourself what you could have done with that money if you hadn't have spent it. Maybe you could have used it to pay off debt or save for a down payment. Ask yourself if eating out or buying those shoes were REALLY worth it. You'll feel pretty crummy, but do it every month and you'll start thinking about those feelings BEFORE you make the purchase instead of after.
Also, think about all the stuff you have probably bought and regretted buying. Then think about all the stuff you did not buy and wished you would have bought. I'm pretty sure there is probably a long list of stuff that you regret buying but not too many items that you regret not buying. Think about that long and hard. Then next time you want to buy something, ask yourself if you are more likely to regret buying it or regret not buying it? At least 90% of the time, the answer is that you would be more likely to regret buying it.
Finally, make money saving your hobby. Read Dave Ramsey or watch Suze Orman. You might just find that saving money is fun.