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Estranged friend's birthday
About a two years ago, I realized that I had spent the last 15 years in a one-sided relationship with my best friend. The only time we ever talked or hung out was when I initiated contact. It isn't a malicious behavior, it's just who she is. She’s the kind of person to wait for people to come to her, and people always do so she was never prompted to change her ways.
I was her maid of honor last year, but I decided that after her wedding I would move on with my life. If she contacted me, cool, but I wasn't going to contact her any more. Since then, I have seen and heard from her all of 3 times in the past 12 months.
Her birthday is coming up and her husband is putting together a dinner for her, but what gift to I give to a friend who has basically become estranged? I no longer know what her interests are. It took forever to think of a Christmas gift and I’m totally out of ideas.
I still want to give her something because she isn’t aware of my feelings. In her mind it’s just been a busy year for both of us and it just so happens that we haven’t spent much time together. She doesn’t know that I intentionally backed off. I think it will fizzle out completely in the next year or so, but until then I still feel obligated to get her at least a little something. But what?
Re: Estranged friend's birthday
Maybe something for her kitchen ---try little measuring cups or some doodad that costs under $10.
Really? You've seen her 3 times and now your "estranged" and you don't know what she likes anymore? You make it sound like this is over the course of 10 years. Not ONE year.
I get your frustration at always having to contact her, but outside of that, how else is this friendship one sided? Does she insist on only doing what she wants to do? Does she only talk about herself and doesn't care to hear about your life? Does she insist you go to her?
There is SO MUCH MORE to friendship than "who calls who".
Again - I get your frustration, but she also has a point- life IS busy. I have a couple friends that I'm lucky if I see even 2 times a year. "Life" gets in the way.
I don't know what to tell you. Just on the issue of her not initiating getting together (when actually she DID initiate 3 times which isn't HORRIBLE), this seems like a really petty reason to let a life long friendship die.
Nature of the online community. I can only go off of what you write. The more vague you are, the more people are going to make assumptions.